The Words
by fireball13
Summary: Just an alternative version of the Upstead scenes in each episode. The words we wished they would speak!
1. 7x12 Upstead scene

Just a one shot for the Upstead confrontation in 7x12. I wrote down the idea on tumblr and I couldn't get it out of my head. I needed to create a whole piece of the scene. Hope you like it guys.

* * *

For two years now, Jay had been waking up with Hailey's cheerful good morning and going to bed with her sleepy goodnight. Even if it was a plain text message accompanied of course with a couple o cute emojis.

But that night, she left without saying a single word. Without asking Jay if he needed any help getting home. After all, she was his designated personal assistant. She pretended to hate that characterization, but deep down inside she didn't trust anyone to keep Jay safe. She was his partner, that was her job and no one elses.

Jay saw her sneak out of the District and discreetly followed her to the parking lot. After she left with her car, he turned on the engine and starting tailing her from a safe distance. Unfortunately, he noticed right away that she wasn't waking the road back home.

"Hailey, where are you going?" he whispered to himself.

Not long later, he saw her car already parked at the side of the road. A simple look at his whereabouts and he knew exactly what Hailey had in mind.

He shook his head in disappointment and got out of his car. He approached Hailey's vehicle hoping that she was still inside, that she had second thoughts about her reckless plan, but the driver's seat was empty.

"Damn it Hailey," he growled in frustration and slammed his right hand on the hood. To his surprise, a wave of pain traveled to his upper left arm. Who would have thought. His wound hadn't healed even if it had been weeks.

He let out a deep breath and with his gun in one hand decided to wait for Hailey.

Hopefully it didn't take long. Within a couple of minutes he spotted her tiny figure creeping out of the dark snowy alley.

Jay fought the urge to grab her by her shoulder and knock some senses out of her. Instead, he remained still and waited for her to approach him.

"Are you following me?" her voice harsh, as if she was accusing him of something.

"What the hell are you doing Hailey?"

"It doesn't concern you," she bluntly responded.

"Yes, it does! Good or bad, right or wrong, you know it does," he tried to sound as supporting as possible.

"Ok, "she looked away to avoid his piercing green eyes. "I am investigating the murder of three police officers."

"We were told to stand down. You were given a direct order by the superintendent of police. This could destroy your whole career, or worse. So yeah, this concerns me."

Jay was starting to lose his patience but on some level, he sympathized with her. Not so long ago he was the one caught up on his own guilt and Hailey was the one to call him out. It seemed that times never change. Only the parts we play.

"I'm gonna figure out what the hell happened. And then I'm gonna take that case to Crawford and he can tell me to my face to stand down."

Her voice was getting colder than the snow surrounding them.

Jay let out a soft sigh. ""20 different times you have figured out a way to tell me don't get too close. I'm telling you. You're too close."

Hailey looked at him straight into his eyes and she knew that he was right. There was no way in hell though that she was going to admit it. What was done, was done. She couldn't undo her actions. So, she swallowed her inner guilt and decided to let the events unfold on their own.

"I'm okay, Jay. Go home, okay?"

She gently placed her hand on his wounded shoulder in a desperate last attempt to reassure him that she knew was she was doing and started to walk towards her car.

But of course, Jay saw right through her. He could feel her tortured spirit break.

No! Hailey had always been his light in the dark. His daily doze of positive energy. He would never allow the dark cloud hovering over her soul consume her.

"Wait," he gently grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Jay please, I am tired. I just want to go home," she begged without even looking at him.

"No!" he shook his head. "Look at me."

His partner refused to oblige and tried to get away from his grip.

"Look at me," he repeated in a more firm tone.

Hailey stopped struggling and stood still. She didn't want him to look at him out of fear of bursting into cries. It was that weird effect he had on her. Whenever he was close she felt vulnerable. The heat radiating from his body, the intoxicating scent of his cologne, his piercing emerald eyes. They all made her surrender to her buried feelings.

Jay softly placed his hand on her cheek and turned her face.

"You know I am not good at words or expressing my feelings, so I am only going to say this once," he took a deep breath and removed his hand from Hailey's face.

He took a step back, not sure why. Did he want to give his partner space or was he the one needing it?

"Last time I got too close to a case you tried to warned me. As always, I didn't listen to you and I ended up nearly dying. During all that time, when I was being beaten up, shot, fighting to stay alive, my thoughts was about you."

Haileys featured suddenly softened but at the same time her whole body went numb.

Jay licked his lips wishing he had a shot of liquid courage right now and continued.

"I thought about how much I care about you, and how I don't want you to go through that too. You are a ray of sunshine in this shitty job. You are the most important person in my life and I don't know what I am going to do if I ever lost you. What am I going to do of something happens to you and I am not there to protect you? I don't know if I could ever live without you."

Hailey was surprised by his sudden confession but oddly enough, so was Jay. Like he said he had never been the one to express himself through words. He had always been a man of actions.

His teary green eyes met her blue and probably for the first time in their partnership, he pulled each other for along embrace.

"I am going where you are going," she whispered in his ear.

"Promise?"

"I promise!"


	2. Just a small update

Thank you all so much for the support. I have decided to make this a bunch of Upstead one shots. In every single episode there are times we wish the characters expressed themselves in a differently and scenes infolded in a different way.

So this is what I am going to do. Write my version of events.

Feel free to send your ideas or any other past Upstead scene you would like me to rewrite.

I have to warn you though. I like slow burns ( not too slow though) so don't expect me to write any big confessions of love any time soon. Then again... You never know


	3. 7x12b

**This was a request from remiparker and it takes place during 7x12. Hope I didn't disappoint you!**

* * *

The endless three weeks were finally over.

Three weeks of pain, medications, soups, non-alcoholic beverages, vitamins, bed rest and Hailey's babysitting abilities.

Even though she never opened up again about what she wanted to say at the hospital, his blonde partner never left his side throughout this long ride.

For almost three years now, she thought he had seen every side of Jay. His anger, depression, guilt, anxiety, but never his vulnerability. Though, after the recent events she could cross that out of her list.

Of course Jay always hated that feeling. Feeling vulnerable made him feel week. In this line of job he couldn't afford to be week. Being a ranger demanded discipline and so did being a cop.

Even though Hailey helped him on a daily basis through his three week recovery, she had this magic way of not making him feel like a patient, but a friend.

In times like that he always missed Mouse. A bond that could never be broken connected them.

Even since Mouse enlisted for another tour he had gone rogue. Jay dreaded the day someone would knock on his door to deliver him the sad news. He was used on being on the deliver's side, never on the recipient's.

But he had to shrug all those thoughts now. He was finally back in the field. Back with his teammates.

Even though he felt strong enough to join the undercover operation he didn't trust his body to dive into action just yet. So, when Adam offered to take the offender down, Jay swallowed his pride and silently accepted.

Everything went as planned except for Hailey's sudden request to hold down the arrest.

Everyone was baffled as hell, especially Jay, but one thing he had learned in three years was to always trust his partner. So he did, eyes closed, he did.

"What happened?" a curious Voight approached the back of van where they were the team were sitting.

"My dealer," Rojas simply responded as she took a step back to make room for Hailey.

The blonde detective turned her laptop screen over revealing the truth to Voight.

"One of us," he exclaimed in shock.

"Assigned to Area South Mission Team, TAC." Hailey carried on.

"11-year veteran. Nothing but standard beefs," Jay finished the sentence for his partner.

"And we're sure it's him?" the Sarge asked with a hint of hesitation.

"We went to the Academy together," Hailey replied "He might've asked me out on a date."

Suddenly everyone's eyes landed on her. Everyone's but Jay's who just frowned and stared casually at the concrete floor.

"I might've said no," Hailey smiled awkwardly to shake of their piercing gazes.

A million thoughts were going through Jay's head as he desperately tried to focus on the case and not Hailey's unexpected confession.

"Well, maybe he was just doing what we're doing," Hank tried to give Tyler the benefit of the doubt. "Got our wires crossed. Could've been detailed to DA, Customs."

"We deconflicted before we got here. And now we were going through the list of all the agencies, checked A and A records" Upton quickly destroyed all his doubts.

"There's nothing that suggests he's here in any official capacity," Jay jumped in to back his partner up.

"You're saying he's dirty?" the realization finally hit Voight.

We're saying what we know to be true.

"We have no reason to believe Kelly Tyler was here working today. He was selling heroin," Hailey made the obvious statement.

As everyone walked back to their cars, Jay couldn't help but wonder about Hailey's fling. Was she completely honest about it or was she ashamed to admit that she actually went out with Tyler?

No, she would never lie to him. On the other hand, she might in front of Adam or Voight just to protect her integrity.

Oh, the curiosity was killing him. He had to know. Should he ask her? No! He didn't' want to break her trust by disregarding her statement.

Besides, Tyler surely didn't seem her type. On the other hand, neither did Adam and they secretly dated for months.

The knot in his stomach was growing tighter and tighter. Why did he even care about a potential ex boyfriend? He tried to convince himself that none of that was important but deep down inside him he knew. It wasn't curiosity he was feeling, it was jealousy.

Jay's eyes widened at the realization. No! He unconsciously shook his head. Why would he be jealous of a man he didn't even know? It didn't make sense.

Was it because deep down inside he wished he was in his shoes? He wished he could openly flirt with Hailey without worrying about the repercussions? Without the fear of being rejected? Without having anything to lose?

He wished he was just free to make the choices he wanted.

On the other hand, he was free once; with Erin. Then, she broke his heart into a million pieces and since then, he would see the cracks in everyone. He never openly admitted how much she hurt him. He just put on his "happy" mask and pretended he was too tough to be broken.

Though, Hailey could see right through him since day one. He could never hide from her and that scared him. It was frightening how someone could simply look right into his soul without asking any questions.

Just like that, his jealousy turned into panic. Was there any chance she was aware of his hidden feelings? No! She couldn't. After all, he never spoke about them to anyone. Speaking about them out loud would make them real, and he was too scared to get real.

Once again, he shook his head, took a deep breath and sunk into his little delusional reality where he was just a cop and Hailey was just his partner.


	4. 7x13 part A

**This takes place during and after the finale of 7x13. Hope you enjoy**

* * *

Jay hated hospitals. It was a well established fact. And yet, there he was for the second time in almost two months, surrounded by that horrible reek.

He had subconsciously associated hospitals with death. His fellow rangers, his mother, his father, Olinksi…. Deep down inside he knew where this was going. He knew that the doctor would not bring news of hope.

He always hated the waiting. It made him feel useless.

He had to get out of there. He knew that he could not offer anything more than support to Kim and Adam. He also knew that he had to help Emma track down her mother and that was all the motive he needed. He was given the chance to get out of that place and man, he grabbed it. As much as he hated leaving Hailey alone on a situation like this, he left without second thoughts asking his partner to call him as soon as news got out.

It didn't take long.

About an hour later, right after reaching Emma's mother, his phone rang.

Usually, when Hailey calls him he does not let the phone ring twice. But this time it was different. Even his ringtone somehow sounded morbid.

The detective bit his lip, took the phone in his hand and reluctantly answered it.

"Hey," he softly said fearing to hear his partner's voice for the first time.

Hailey had no words to speak. He subtle sniffle gave her away.

Jay closed his eyes and sighed. "Stay right there. I am coming to get you."

Ten minutes later she was already waiting for him at the hospital's entrance. Her shoulders tensed and her eyes red.

She quickly jumped into the car but before she even buckled her seatbelt, Jay's hand reached for her.

She looked at him startled. Her partner was never the one to initiate any form of physical contact.

Jay let his fingers entwine with hers and tightened his grip in a desperate attempt to comfort her. Kim was the closest person Hailey had to a sister.

"They are going to get through this," he reassured her looking deep into her blue eyes. "And we are going to be there for them along the way."

The blonde detective nodded and fought desperately fought back her tears. She hated crying. It made her feel vulnerable. But somehow she always felt vulnerable in front of her partner. Maybe because he had chosen to see beyond her weaknesses.

The ride home was awfully quiet. Neither had the right words to say. As a unit, they had all been through hell. But they had never experienced the loss of an unborn child.

As soon as they reached Hailey's apartment, she hesitated to get out the car. She just stared at the window for a few seconds.

Finally, she gathered all her strength and uttered the words.

"Do you mind staying with me for a while?"

Jay's eyes widened in shock. Every time there was a crisis, his partner always preferred the comfort of solitude.

"Please?" she softly begged. "I am not sure I want to be alone right now. Vanessa will be spending the night at a friend's house."

"Of course," Jay nodded and immediately parked the car.

As soon as they walked into the apartment they both headed towards the kitchen. In absolute sync, Jay grabbed the whiskey and Hailey the bottles. If there was ever a time for alcohol, that was it.

They both sat on the kitchen counter and drank the first round without talking. Though, they both though of making a toast. On the other hand though, who they would be toasting to? To Kim and Adam? To their unborn baby? Was it a girl? Was it a boy? Guess they would never find out.

Finally, after the second shot of whiskey Hailey broke the silence.

"Do you think they will get over it?" she asked starring down the bottom of the glass.

"Yes," Jay responded in absolute confidence. "If anyone can come out stronger from a tragedy like this, it is them."

"She knew better than to be out there alone," Hailey's words came out a little harsher than intended.

"I know," Jay nodded. "But you would have done the same."

Hailey glared at him in disbelief. "No, I wouldn't. When you are pregnant you are responsible for that life growing inside you. Heroic acts and savior's syndrome have no place in your life any more. Your first priority must always be the baby."

Jay's eyes were staring down at her saying nothing. On some level his partner was right. Kim should have waited for backup.

"I am sure Kim will carry that guilt for the rest of her life. The best we can do is support her," he finished his second glass and poured another.

"Of course I am going to support her," Hailey run her fingers through her hair. "She is my family, they both are."

"Do you ever think about it?" Jay asked.

"What?"

"Starting a family," his voice sounded almost like a whisper.

Hailey swallowed hard, clearly surprised by his question.

"Sometimes," she drank another sip of whiskey to avoid his piercing green eyes. "You?"

Jay softly smiled at her. "Sometimes."

"What's stopping you?" Hailey rested her cheek on her palm curious to hear his answer.

"Our job I guess," he shrugged his shoulders.

"That's a cliché excuse. Al had kids, Antonio has kids, even Voight had a kid," she crossed her hand in front of her chest in defense.

"Exactly, they all had kids but none had their happily ever after,"

Hailey teared up in front of the ugly truth. Voight had lost his son. Al was dead and so was one of his daughters and Antonio was in rehab.

"Don't get me wrong," Jay kept going. "I love my job. Helping people on a daily basis completes me. But when I do get married and have kids I do not want them to live in fear. Fear that I might not make it home by dinner. No one deserves that agony."

Hailey raised her glass with both hand and grinned. "So what are you going to do? Quit and become what, a taxi driver or something?"

"No," a soft chuckle escaped his lips. "I don't know, I could do something to help all the veterans coming home. "

"That is really nice," Hailey raised her eyebrows in hesitation. "Do you think you are up for it though?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look Jay, I know you like to pretend that everything is fine. That you have overcome whatever traumas you brought back from the war. But I am telling you right here and now, I am not buying it."

Suddenly Jay felt pinned down by her intense blue eyes.

He nervously licked his lips and tried to divert her gaze but he knew there was no escape. Besides, if he could ever talk to anyone about it, that would be his blonde partner.

"If we are doing this, I am going to need more booze," he awkwardly tried to joke and poured another glass of whiskey which he drank in one shot.

"I was stationed in Korangal Valley along with my buddy Mouse. Actually, I got him a job here in intelligence but you never got to meet him because he decided to go back. Anyway, we were in the lead humvee of a convoy when we got ambushed."

Jay stopped for a second and had another shot of his liquid courage. Hailey was starting to get worried. She had never seen drink that much, not even at Molly's.

"Where was I? Right, ambushed," he continued. "Several fellow rangers died that day and as sure as hell thought I would to."

Suddenly, he gently took Hailey's hand and placed it on the scar on his neck. She had noticed that subtle scar since day one but never found the nerve to ask about it. She traced with her soft finger his rough skin and slowly pulled away to let him go on.

"That day Mouse was shot in the leg and a shrapnel hit me on the neck. We were both bleeding quite heavily but instead of letting us die the Afghans took us hostages. To be honest, I can't recall much of the details of the next couple of days. I was bleeding, freezing cold and in tremendous pain. There is no need to get into details about the torture methods they used. I just remember praying to God to let me and Mouse die."

Hailey had stopped drinking. Her eyes were red trying to hold back her tears. She knew Jay had demons, but this was beyond her fears.

"Like I said, I don't remember much after that. Last thing I know, I woke up at the hospital here in Chicago."

"What about the nightmares you have been having?" Hailey risked asking.

Jay looked at her curiously. How did she know about his nightmares?

Hailey must had read his thoughts and justified her question. "Adam once told me he found you sleeping at the office."

_Damn it Adam, he though. A little discretion between two co-workers would have been nice. _

There was no escape now. He had willingly opened Pandora's box so he felt obliged to play along.

"Well, the psychiatrist called it _Survivor's Guilt._ My nightmares are not only about the people I couldn't save. They are related to all of you too. "

Hailey looked at him puzzled.

Jay looked distressed right into his partner's eyes. "I watch all of you die and I can't do anything to stop it. I watch YOU die. I can't afford to lose you. Everyone in my life either leaves or dies. Something is wrong with me and I don't know how to fix me. "

"There is nothing wrong with you. You hear me? Don't ever say that again." Hailey reached out and took his hand in hers, her thumb gently stroking his skin. Even though her house was fairly warm Jay's hand's were ice cold.

"You are freezing," she now used both hands to rub of the chill.

Suddenly, he could feel his heartbeat accelerate. His head was pounding, probably due to the whiskey but all he could focus on was the heat radiating from Hailey's hands. A hurricane of emotions started consuming him. He wanted to feel more than just her hands. He wanted to touch her bare skin, kiss her soft lips, feel her beating heart.

Was that the alcohol talking? Maybe. Maybe not.

Whatever the case, that wasn't the time for any big declarations of love. Wait. What? Love? Did he just think of the L word? Was that real? Was it love he had been feeling all this time?

Hailey saw his inner struggle painted in his eyes. "Ok, that's enough whiskey for you tonight."

She took his glass away from his reach, walked towards him and helped him get up. He wasn't blackout level drunk, but there was no way she was letting him drive home in that condition.

"Ok big guy," she threw herself under his shoulder to support him. "Let's get you in bed."

His pupils were clearly dilated and his walk unstable. She made a mental note to herself.

_Jay gets drunk after 5 whiskeys. Good to know._

She slowly led him to her bedroom and pulled the covers to help him lay down. To her surprise he didn't even try to protest. He seemed surrendered.

As soon as he head hit the pillow he could smell Hailey's intoxicating scent. Magnolia and Vanilla. He closed his eyes and breathed it in, pulling the pillow tight close to his chest as if he was holding her in his arms.

Just like that, for the first time in a long time he fell asleep without any nightmares. Only dreams of a promising future.


	5. 7x13 part B

**Once again thank you all for your support. I decided to write first a prompt story by Candy Couture since it's a sequel to chapter 4. I will make all your requests come true :)**

* * *

_Damn I am getting old!_

Jay thought to himself as he filled the largest cup he could find with hot coffee. Apparently the older he got, the longer it took for his body to recover from a hangover.

His head was pounding. How did that happen? It was not like he drank a whole bottle by himself. Or did he? No! There was definitely whiskey but he couldn't have drunk more than 5 glasses.

At least Hailey was kind enough to let him sleep on her bed. He woke up in the morning to the smell of fresh coffee and his partner's intoxicating scent that surrounded the covers. Thankfully his partner hadn't removed his clothes. He would never get over the embarrassment. He took a sniff at the collar of his t-shirt and it was still there. Magnolia and vanilla. A smile formed on his lips without even noticing.

When Hailey suddenly walked in the District's kitchen he turned around and coughed nervously, hoping she hadn't seen him. It was already 7 am and they were the first ones to arrive.

"How are you feeling?" she asked standing next to him near the sink.

"I am not going to lie, I've been better," Jay smiled and swallowed an aspirin to help him with his headache.

As the gentleman he always was, he took a mug from the wall, filled it with coffee and offered it to his partner.

"Thanks," she kindly smiled as they both sat on the table.

"Again, I am sorry you had to sleep on the couch," he apologized taking a sip.

"Don't worry about it," she shook her head. "Besides, you Mr Halstead, snore!"

"What?" Jay exclaimed. "No one has ever complained about me snoring"

"Really?" Hailey teased. "When was the last time you slept with a woman?"

Jay opened his mouth to speak but froze once he realized he didn't know the exact answer to that question. Thinking about it, the last time he had sex was with Camilla, and that was over a year ago.

"Well, it may have been a while but still. No one has ever complained," he chuckled clearly trying to avoid the Camilla conversation.

Right then, just as they shared an awkward laugh Adam walked in.

"Hey," they both said in unity, their faces turning serious at once.

"Hey," was all Adam had the strength to say as he stood by the door. Dark circles had formed below his red eyes. A clear sign of sleep deprivation.

"How is Kim?" Hailey asked, worried about her friend.

"They are going to keep her for another day," Adam ran his fingers through his hair.

"Ok, but how is she emotionally?" Jay looked at his teammate.

Adam shook his head. "I don't know. This will take a while for her to heal."

"Look," Adam continued and sat right next to Hailey. "There is something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Sure," Hailey gladly said.

Adam took a deep breath and all of s sudden his jaw stiffened. "Yesterday, when I walked into that bathroom you were already giving CPR to the victim."

"Yes," the blonde detective confirmed, curious to see where this conversation was going.

"Kim was in the bathtub," Adam stated.

"Yes," Hailey nodded and looked over at Jay puzzled.

"So, there she was, pregnant and wounded but you CHOSE to help Emma first," his voice was harsh and cold.

"Adam I…."

"You CHOSE to help a stranger over your pregnant friend," Adam was now yelling directly at her.

"Listen to me! Emma was not breathing. Kim asked me to help her first," Hailey's voice was shaking. Adam's accusations started building up unwanted guilt.

Ruzek stook up in anger, his hands clenched into fists.

"You should have helped her first," his shouts echoed through the floor.

"Our baby's blood is on you," Adam's face was inches away from Hailey's, his finger pointed directly at her, hate feeling his eyes.

Hailey was speechless and scared. Maybe Ruzek was right. Maybe she should have helped Kim first. Her heart was pounding fast, ready to explode at any minute. Her breathing became heavy as she desperately tried to fight back her tears.

Just then Jay jumped up and gently placed his hand on Adam's shoulder in order to push him away from his partner.

"That's enough brother," he tried to calm him down. "That's enough"

Ruzek though, was not willing to let it go. He shoved Jay's hand away and pushed him hard with both hands.

"Don't touch me" he growled.

Hailey jumped up from her seat to separate the two men but Jay kept her behind him with one hand. He could understand that Adam was hurting, but he was off the line. Hailey was not his punching bag.

The two men had locked eyes, just like two Alphas fighting over dominance.

Jay's left hand remained behind his back and on Hailey's waist, while his right one was up in the air trying to keep Adam away.

"You are not thinking straight and you know it," Jay tried to reason him. "You arrived five seconds after Hailey did. Do you really think that five seconds would have made a difference?"

"They might!" Ruzek simply responded. "When you were shot, I don't recall Hailey giving any form of aid to Angela. She helped YOU first. So don't give the whole _doing the right_ thing crap. "

"Angela was not a victim," Hailey exclaimed but Jay still kept her behind him. "She was the one that shot Jay. She was the one that dragged him into that mess. And for the record, Angela was still alive. Emma was not!"

Adam was breathing heavily as he covered his eyes with one hand to hold back the tears.

"Brother," Jay's voice softened as he slowly placed his hand on his friend's chest. "This isn't you. I know you are hurting. I know you are trying to make sense out of all this. But this was nobody's fault. For whatever reason that baby was taken away from you too soon. Take the pain you are feeling right now and multiply it by 1000. That is how much Kim is hurting right now. All you have to do is be there for her. That's all."

Adam's rough features softened as he threw himself into Jay's arms sobbing uncontrollably.

"There it is, just let it out," Jay sighed as he held his friend tight.

Hailey hesitantly approached and placed he hand on Adam's back, gently stroking him.

"How can I miss someone I never got the chance to meet?" Ruzek wondered crying.

"Because only when you lose someone, you realize how much you needed them in your life," Hailey felt the tears, hot and unwelcome stream down her cheeks as she looked directly at her partner. "You realize how much you loved them."


	6. 7x13 part C

Candy Couture you asked for some girls bonding. You got it. Since last chapter was a it heavy I decided to lighten things up a bit. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

An hour had passed since Adam unleashed all his anger and frustration on Hailey. The cold winds were somehow making their way through the Districts sealed windows.

Hailey just stood in the break room, emptying another mug of hot coffee. She had nothing to occupy herself with. No paper work to be done. No new case to solve. Just Adam's accusations echoing in her head.

Jay, as always, had jumped in like a knight in shining armor to protect her. Any other she might have been pissed about it. She never needed saving. But that was not any other day.

Ruzek's harsh words kept repeating in her mind. _You chose not to help Kim._

Had she indeed made the wrong choice? Would those five seconds make a difference? Would she make the same choice if Jay was involved?

For months now, those memories still haunted her dreams. Images of Jay lying on the floor, fighting to catch a breath that didn't seem to come, his blood painting the concrete.

This time there was no vest to protect him.

She remembered her trembling hands pressing on his gunshot wound in a futile attempt to stop his bleeding. His faint heartbeat under her fingertips. His cold skin. His eyes that somehow had lost their color.

But above all, she remembered her fear. Fear of losing him. Fear of never hearing his voice again. His laugh. Fear that he wouldn't be there tomorrow. Just the thought if it made her eyes watery.

She shook her head trying to shrug those thoughts away as Vanessa walked in.

"Where is Jay?" she asked looking around.

"He took Adam home. He was in pretty bad shape and in need of a friend right now," Hailey took a sip from her coffee.

"That was nice of him," Vanessa sadly smiled.

"I stopped by the house this morning and I noticed the pillows on the couch. Anything you want to share with me?" Rojas stared at her roommate with a smirk.

"No," Hailey fidgeted with her ear. "Jay brought me home and we had a couple of drinks. It was getting late so he spent the night at home."

"Nothing happened," the blonde detective raised her voice in defence.

"Sure, if you say so," Vanessa ironically nodded.

"Listen, I was thinking about visiting Kim. Adam is at home and she shouldn't be alone in a time like this."

"You are chasing the subject but that is fine, I'll play along. Sure, I am all in. Let me just grab my coat."

Xxxxxxx

The ride to the hospital was weirdly quiet. Hailey was thankful that Reyes hadn't kept poking her about Jay.

They slowly entered Kims's room and as expected, she was all alone, staring at the window.

"Hey," Hailey was the first one to speak. "We figured you could use some company."

A subtle smile was fighting its way through Kim's lips, but the fight was lost.

"Sure, come in," was all she had the strength to say.

Both detectives approached the hospital bed and sat on the chairs beside it.

Silence filled the room. No one knew what to say. Should they start a small talk? Should they ask her how she was feeling? No, that was inappropriate. They all knew too well how she must be feeling.

Should they talk about the weather? Work? Politics? What do people discuss in situations like these?

Finally, it was Kim who took them out of their misery.

"One of you better say something now. Just anything, get my mind away from this," she looked at her belly with pain on her eyes.

"Jay and Hailey spent the night together," Reyes all too eagerly exclaimed.

"Vanessa!" Hailey shouted, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

For the first time, a soft genuine smiled escaped Kim's lips.

"It's not what you think," Hailey raised her hand at her to lower her expectations. "We were both tired, we had a couple of drinks and decided it was best for him to just crash at my place. That's all!"

Vanessa and Kim raised their eyebrows in disbelief as they looked at each other.

"Oh come one. Suddenly I feel like I am teenager talking about boys," Hailey sat back on her chair with her hands crossed in front of her chest.

"Talking about boys," Kim adjusted her bed so that she was no longer laying but sitting. "What about that Tyler guy from the Academy? What's the story behind that?"

"Like I said," Hailey shrugged her shoulders. "He asked me out once and I refused."

"Did you really refuse or did you just say that because Jay was listening and you didn't want him to be jealous?" Vanessa asked never taking her eyes off of her.

"Why would I lie about it? And why would Jay feel jealous about a random guy I met years ago? He had no problem when I was dating Adam!" he voice was getting pitchier than usual.

At that moment, Kim saw right through her.

"That's why you are upset," she silently said. "You wanted him to say something. You wanted him to be jealous."

Suddenly, her heart was beating faster as a swirl of emotions swept away her inner control.

"Yes, I wanted him to feel something," she admitted as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Even after he found out about us, I expected him to be jealous, sad, disappointed, betrayed. I wanted him to yell at me. I wanted anything other than apathy. I know this sounds selfish, but I needed to know that I mattered to him."

Kim was listening to Hailey in disbelief. She had know Jay for years and one thing he surely was not, was apathetic.

"He has been by your side since day one. He trusts you with his life. And remember, this is Jay we are talking about. The lone wolf. The only person who knew him better than any of us was Mouse, and that was because they had shared the same experiences. Look, I was there when he was dating Erin. Yes, they had chemistry but both partnership and relationship was rocky because there was no trust. They didn't trust each other with their past and she didn't trust him with their present. Every time he offered her help or advice she kept pushing him away. On the contrary, you listen to him and he listens to you. So, don't tell me he was apathetic. His lack of emotions is evident of the deep emotions he has for you."

Hailey stayed quiet for a minute and let Kim's words sink in.

"Since when did you become so wise," she finally joked trying to diffuse the tension.

"I have always been wise, you just never noticed," Kim rested her head back on the pillow.

"What about you Detective Reyes. Is there a man in your life?" Hailey cornered her.

"Nuh, I have no time for romance. Besides, if I had a man you would be the first to know. I wouldn't be shy to bring him to our home and trust me when I say, I am a screamer."

"Yuck," Hailey shouted horrified.

"Good for you Vanessa. And since we are sharing I have to admit I am a moaner," Kim chuckled trying to hold back her laughter.

"That's TMI my friends. I really didn't need to know that," Hailey stood up trying to get the visual images out of her head. "Reyes, you ever bring a guy at home, just warn me not to be there."

Kim was now laughing uncontrollably at Hailey's appalled reaction.

"Something tells me you'll be bringing a guy at home sooner than her, no offence Vanessa," Kim apologetically raised her hand at her.

"None taken," Reyes laughed. "I am with you. I bet you 100 bucks that Hailey and the other dumbass will end up together by Summer."

"Hey, hey" Upton raised both hands in defence. "I never said I want to end up with…you know who."

"Girl, who are kidding?" Vanessa squinted her eyes at her." You can't even say is name because every time you do, your cheeks flush. When someone else mentions his name your eyes light up. When you look at him I can literally hear your heartbeat accelerate. Not to mention that you avoid any form of physical contact with him, probably out of fear of spontaneously combusting. "

Hailey was nervously playing with her hair, desperately trying to find the right words to contradict Vanessa. It was vain though. Had she been that transparent? If she was, did that mean that Jay could see right through her too?

Anyway, none of that mattered now. All that mattered was that Kim was once again smiling. Even if it wouldn't last for long, she was happy and relaxed for a few minutes. The loss of her unborn child was still fresh but Hailey knew that Kim was too strong to let anything bring her down. She had heard stories of how she had saved her partner Roman once, weeks after getting shot herself. She was a freaking bad ass and a role model for a lot of women in the task force.

Jim was starting to get tired so both Hailey and Reyes decided to let her rest. Upton took one last peek through the door before exiting. Kim was a survivor!

As she exited the hospital she couldn't help but wonder if her friends would win that bet. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't thought of sex with Jay.

Her mind and heart was set. All she had to do, was wait for Jay to decide what he wanted in his life.


	7. 7x04

**Candy Couture here it is. A small one shot that takes place during 7x04. It's always a pleasure to read your feedback and comments. **

* * *

Hailey's mind was going stir crazy doing nothing.

Everyone was out there investigating the outbreak and yet she was stuck in quarantine.

Oddly enough, she did not feel scared, at least not for herself. Like most cops, she felt invisible. Like nothing could ever touch her. This time though, her main concern was Amanda.

She could see how scared the little girl was and she had every reason to be. But somehow, she had managed to keep her composure though all this time. Hailey admired her for that. Maybe, because she reminded her of herself.

Even though Jay, Hank and Natalie had all visited her, time did not seem to pass. Every minute felt like an hour and small talk with Amanda did not help ease the situation.

Hailey sighed for the 100th time and buried her face in her palms. The urge to do something was strong. Suddenly, she sympathized with prisoners.

Once again, she stood up and started scouting her surroundings, secretly hoping to spot Jay somewhere in the backround. It was disturbing how strongly she longed for his presence. Just the sight of him would make her feel better.

But he was not there. She let out a deep breath and once again sat on the chair.

"Can I ask you something?" Amanda hesitantly asked.

"Of course," Hailey smiled back at her, spotting a hint of embarrassment in the kid's voice.

"The man who visited you earlier…."

"Who, Voight?" Hailey interrupted her.

"I don't remember his name, but he was about your age."

"Oh," a huge smile formed on Hailey's lips once she realized about whom she was referring to.

"Was that your boyfriend?" Amanda managed to ask blushing .

Upton awkwardly laughed at the unexpected question.

"No, that was my partner. He is a detective too."

"He was handsome," the girl chuckled.

Again, Hailey laughed, suddenly feeling like a teenager too.

"Yes, he is handsome. But please don't tell him. It will get in his head."

"So, he is not your boyfriend? Because you two make a really nice couple."

Hailey could not believe the words that were coming out of a kid.

"No," she shook her head. "He is my partner and dear friend. Where is thing coming from? Why are you asking me this?"

Hailey leaned forward to be closer the plastic that was separating her from Amanda.

"I just noticed the way he was looking at you. Like he was fighting the urge to rip the plastic and sweep you away."

"Hailey raised her eyebrows. "Have you been reading any fairytales lately? Sweep me away? What am I? A princess in distress?"

The kid smiled in shame. "No, I just wish someone would look at me that way one day."

Hailey's features suddenly softened. She wished she could just hold Amanda in her arms until this was all over. She wanted to protect her just like Platt had protected her all those years ago.

"Listen," she looked straight into Amanda's big hazel eyes. "Love comes in different forms. It could be a boyfriend, a family member, a friend, a partner. You are an amazing, strong, brave young woman and anyone should be lucky to have you in their lives."

Amanda kindly smiled. Her timid posture changed at once. She raised her back, head up high in confidence.

Even though Hailey had met that girl a couple of hours ago, she wished her future daughter would grow up to be like her.

What the hell? Future daughter? Where is this coming from? It had to be the near death experience right? No! It had more to do with the man. Even a kid had seen right through her. Or him? She mentioned the way HE was looking at her. How was he looking at her? Why didn't she notice anything? Had she been living in a lie? Had she been burying her feelings for so long that she failed to read his?

No. She was still in denial. She couldn't take up on the words of a kid. Jay was a player. He always bragged to the boys about his past conquests. And suddenly, there it was. The Key-Word. Past! Apart from Camilla, who was obviously a huge, self destruction kind of mistake, Jay hadn't been involved with anyone since Hailey joined the team.

Sure, Erin's departure caused him a lot of pain, but that was more than 2 years ago. He couldn't still be grieving over that relationship.

How in the world a handsome, kind, smart man like Jay, was still single?

They were spending everyday together. They were each other's goodmorning and goodnight.

They often talked about music, movies, politics, travels, food. But never, ever about past or current relationships.

Was he afraid to make a move? Had she unwillingly put him in the friendzone? Or did he just respect her wishes to never mix business with pleasure?

Her head was pounding because all of a sudden all these questions raised a bigger one. What would she do? If Jay walked into that room and kissed her, how would she react?

There was no need to mentally answer that question because her body had already done that. Her flustered cheeks, the huge smile that had unconsciously formed on her lips, her beating heart that had moved to her throat.

Damn it. She was falling for him, hard. She shook her head, desperately trying to shrug those thoughts away. She wasn't ready for it yet and neither was Jay. She was in denial and apparently so was him.

She let out a deep breath and decided to play along the role of the perfect partner. A role that she had mastered!

When the time is right, they would both know!


	8. 6x22

**You asked for it, you got it. An alternative version of the van shooting during 6x22. I know my English is not fluent but thank you all for the positive comments and support! Hope this doesn't let you down. **

* * *

The first fire shots came out of nowhere. Hailey subconsciously reached for her weapon that was lying on the board at the back of the van.

But it was the second round that caught them completely off guard when bullets started piercing the side of the van.

Jay didn't even have time to reach for his own gun that was still strapped to his waist. With one single move, his body covered Hailey's, his weight forcing her to stay pinned on the floor.

"Get down," he yelled at her holding her tight with both hands.

Even during that whole chaos, he managed to spot the vests that where hanging from the van's door. Without a second thought, he reached with his right hand and grabbed one of them. Without letting go of his partner, he quickly covered her with vest while holding her tightly close to him, using his body as a shield.

He growled in frustration as there was nothing else to do other than stay down and wait for their team to take charge.

The shooting only lasted for ten seconds, but for Jay it felt like eternity. Once they stopped taking fire, Voight's worried voice was heard from a distance.

"Jay, Hailey you're good?"

"We're good we're good," Jay was happy to confirm.

"Do not exit until we get you all clear," Hank warned them.

Halstead was breathing heavily, both hands still wrapped around Hailey's body. He could feel her hot breath on his skin as her head was buried in his neck.

He didn't want to let her go, and she didn't seem to let him go.

"Hey," he gently caressed her cheek with his thumb. "It's over, we're ok"

He could feel his partner's heart pounding on his chest, ready to explode.

Finally, she turned her face up to meet his worried eyes.

They both stared at each other for a few seconds, thankful that once again they had cheated death.

Jay picked himself up and sat on the floor waiting for his team confirmation to exit that damn van, as Upton was still lying with her back to the floor.

That was when Jay noticed the blood on her t-shirt. At the sight of it his eyes widened has he froze in fear.

"Hailey," he whispered slowly picking up his gaze from the blood to her blue eyes.

"What?" she asked, fear evident in her voice.

Jay reached out his hand to touch the blood on Hailey's left side.

"You're shot," he exclaimed in panic as he pulled her blouse up to check on her wound.

To everyone's surprise there was nothing, not even a scratch.

Halstead kept scanning her bare skin with his cold hands in search for any form of injury.

There was none.

"How is this possible," he muttered to himself.

That was when it hit her. Hailey swallowed hard and looked closely to her partner's blue blouse.

"Jay," she whispered with a trembling voice.

Halstead followed her gaze and his eyes landed on the huge blood stain that was forming on his right side.

He placed his hand on it and once he removed it, it was soaking red.

That was when he starting feeling it. That burning sensation eating through his skin. Suddenly, the adrenaline wore off and Jay lost all control of his body. Hailey was there to catch him before his back hit the floor.

"No, no, no" she started panicking. "This is not happening again."

She carefully placed Jay's head on her lap as she quickly took off her jacket and placed it on his wound, trying to stop the bleeding.

With her partner's blood still on her hands she reached for the radio. "50-21 Henry office down, I repeat officer down, we need an ambulance now!"

She didn't even wait for a response, she just dropped the radio on the floor. She turned Jay to his side and once she spotted the exit wounded she sighed in relief. With one hand she was trying to control the bleeding and with the other she was gently cupping Jay's face in order to keep him calm.

"I didn't feel it," Jay said between forced breaths. "I didn't feel it hitting me."

"It's ok," Upton softly caressed his cheek, smearing him with his own blood.

Jay leaned closer to her palm and let himself surrender to her soothing touch. He was telling the truth. He never felt the bullet hit his body. He was too preoccupied trying to protect his partner.

Thankfully, within a couple of minutes the ambulance had arrived. The paramedics dragged Hailey out of the van in order to give them space to work.

Why did they always do that? She knew that she wasn't much of a help but they at least could have let her hold on to his hand. After all, Jay hated paramedics as much as he hated hospitals.

She kept pacing up and down the road in agony, often running her fingers through her hair. There was no evident commotion inside the van so she figured that was a good thing.

Finally, after what it felt like eternity, the two paramedics walked out along with Jay, carefully supporting him.

"Are you ok," she rushed to him.

"Once again I was lucky," he chuckled. "The bullet went right through. I am going to live to fight another day."

"You asshole, you scared me," Hailey punched his shoulder in frustration.

"Ouch," he cried in pain. "Hitting an already wounded man detective? That's what they taught you at the academy?"

Hailey chose not to respond.

All her panic and fear where suddenly turned into rage. The paramedics left Jay rest at the back of the ambulance, as always there was no way in hell he was willingly getting hospitalized, and left the two detectives alone sensing the tension that was building up between them.

Jay wrapped himself with the blanket that they offered him since they had to tear his own blouse, and sighed waiting for the storm to begin. The storm called Hailey Upton is pissed at you!

He could feel her anger, he could see her nervousness, but he could not figure out what he had done wrong. He was just shot. Big deal. That could happen to anyone.

Finally, Hailey approached him just glaring right into his eyes.

Halstead lowered his head like a scolded puppy but never taking his eyes away from hers.

"I can tell that you are pissed at me, but I wish I knew why," he awkwardly smiled.

"Really?" Hailey squinted her eyes placing both hand on her waist. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Jay raised his shoulders confused.

"Get shot," Upton snapped at him.

"Well it's not like I chose to get shot. We were under fire, we couldn't fight back, I got shot, I am ok now, end of the story," Jay desperately tried to make sense of her attack.

"You still have no idea, do you?" Hailey shook her head in disappointment.

"Honestly, no!" Halstead cried in surrender. "Look, whatever I did or you think I did, I am sorry. Can you please tell me what it was so as not to provoke you again?"

"You let your guard down" she snapped at him. "Not only did you cover ME with the vest, you just had to be a vest too. You let yourself unprotected and it resulted in you getting shot."

"Hailey," his voiced softened. "You are my partner, it is my job to protect you."

Oh, she wanted to slap him in his pretty face. How could he be so arrogant? What about her job? Wasn't she supposed to protect him?

Upton took a step closer to him closing the gap that was separating them. "Not if that means risking losing you."

"Hailey, I am fine."

"This time. What about the next time you try and be a hero. We are partners. We are equals. We keep each other safe. It is not one sided, ok?"

Jay simply nodded. His hand was resting on his wounded side but he could not feel any pain. He could only see the pain in Hailey's eyes.

She slowly walked towards the ambulance and sat right next to him, her bare upper arm making contact with his.

"This is the second time I have your blood in my hands, "she looked down on her red palms. "I don't want to feel that way again Jay. Promise me that you will never do anything foolish like this again. Promise me you will never get yourself killed".

Her blue eyes were piercing his green, forcing for an answer.

Jay reached to swipe the single tear that was streaming down her cheek. He could understand her pain and agony because it was exactly what he was feeling.

He never saw that bullet coming. But even if he had, he would still jump in front of it if that meant saving Hailey. He could lie to Hailey but he couldn't lie to himself. He would give his life for her.

So there he was. Having to make a promise he knew he wouldn't be able to keep. So, he softly squeezed her hand and nodded closing his eyes. He never verbally promised anything, so technically it didn't count as a lie.

At least now he knew. If he had to give his life for someone, it would be for Hailey.


	9. Chistmas With the Upton Bros - Part A

**You asked for it, you got it. Hailey invites Jay over to spend Christmas with her brothers. This is going to be a two part story since there is soooo much I want to write. Stay tuned.**

* * *

"You are spending Christmas with my family," Hailey stated as she stormed past Jay and into his apartment.

"Well, good hello to you too," he tilted his head confused and closed the door behind him.

"Hi," she smiled ironically while taking a sip from hot tea she was holding. "Like I said, you are spending Christmas with my family."

"No I am not," Jay shook his head in denial. "I am sorry to disappoint you but I have other plans."

"No you don't," his petit partner crushed on his couch. "I've already talked to Will and he will be working tomorrow.

_Damn it_, he thought to himself. How did she beat him to it?

He slowly walked towards the armchair, hands casually hidden in his pockets and sat down in desperate need of another excuse.

"I have plans with my friends," he managed to say stuttering.

"Seriously?" Hailey squinted her eyes. "What friends?"

"You know, my tv guy, my car guy, my plumper guy," he said between pauses hoping she wouldn't call his bullshit out.

"Yeah, those people are exactly that, guys. They are not your friends and you are not getting out of this," the blonde detective pointed her finger at him.

He was running out of excuses. Being home alone at Christmas was all he had planned for. He was in no mood for celebrations or great gatherings. Honestly, he felt quite relieved when Will announced he was unavailable for the Holidays. He was used to spending Christmas with the sole company of beer and cold burgers.

"Come on," he dropped his head back on the armchair. "I don't mind being alone, really. And besides, I don't even know your family. I am not antisocial, I just don't like being around people I haven't met before."

"Stop being such a grinch," Hailey snapped. "Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year."

"Oh, you are quoting songs now?" Jay kidded.

"Listen, no one should be spending Christmas alone. For two years in a row I respected your wishes and let you wallow in self pity. Let's make a deal. This year you are coming with me and next year, we'll go anywhere you want to. Anywhere!"

Oh she was not dropping this. He was not used to saying _no _to her so the harder she poked, the most likely it was for him to cave in.

He switched to almond milk because she said it was healthier.

He started wearing slim line shirts more often because she said they flattered his biceps.

He started growing a stubble because she said he looked ruggedly sexy.

Another word from her, and he was bound to spend Christmas with her family.

"Hailey, please," he whined. "I don't deal well with other people's families. Can't we just go somewhere us two?"

"Oh come on. Look, it will just be my brothers. They can be your buddies. Better yet, they can be your guys. Michael is an engineer and Alex…. runs a funeral home," Hailed paused at the sound of that. "Ok, so maybe Alex can be your guy if you ever want to get rid of a body or something. See, I can hook you up."

Jay admired her strong will. When his partner had her mind set up on a goal, there was nothing stopping her. He was dragging him along with her.

"At least tell me they live somewhere nearby. I am in no mood for a roadtrip."

Hailey smiled as she stood up, visibly happy to have achieved her goal.

"Alex has a house over at Old Town,"

"Oh great, we are visiting the grave digger. What a joy!" he sarcastically said while walking towards the door to see Hailey out.

"Rude," Upton punched him before stepping out. "I am picking you up at 11am. You better be ready."

"Sure, I can't hold back my excitement," the tone of his voice defeated and ironic before closing the door.

Why the hell did he agree to this? Christmas with Hailey's brothers? What could possibly go wrong, right?

He had known Hailey for almost 3 years yet she had never mentioned her brothers before. Well, apart from that one time while interrogating a suspect. He couldn't help but wonder whether they are close. Have they all lost contact with their father? How about their mother?

Well, all his questions would be answered in less than 24 hours.

No matter what, he had to make a good first impression. He couldn't visit her brother for the first time without bringing a gift. But it was already 9pm on Christmas Eve. All stores we surely closed by now. Was Alex married? Did he have kids? Should he get something for the kids too?

All of a sudden, he felt a wave of panic surrounding him as he rubbed his chest to self sooth.

He only enjoyed social visits as kid. He and Will, as the little rascals they were, always teased their cousins and often found themselves doing something reckless, such as jumping into the pool from the roof. It was a wonder how they reached adulthood without breaking any bones.

That was not the time to reminisce. He grabbed his coat and jacket, ignored the freezing winds that were howling outside his window and threw himself in the quest for a presents.

By that time, he trusted a single shop to be open. A little store owned by Mr Billy, hidden in an alley not far from his house. He always referred to him as Sport Billy because he could find anything in that place. Literally, anything.

Grocery, dog food (for that one time he babysited ) electrical supplies, plumping, burner phones, books, condoms….. anything. That little cramped up store was a magic land.

Half an hour later he was already back from his successful mission. Sport Billy did not fail him.

He bought two bottles of rare Whiskey, one for each brother. Those damn things cost 100$ each so they'd better appreciate a good Scotch when they see it.

Two bamboo plants for good luck, one for each wife, if they even were married.

And a few of Barbie dolls along with a dozen toys cars and trucks for the kids.

Of course, he couldn't leave out his partner. The little devil in him wanted to buy her that ugly Christmas sweater he had spotted. It was velvet red with a huge 3d reindeer in front. But that was not the end of it. The sweater was somehow indued with colorful Christmas lights.

_"Who's the grinch now Upton,"_ he muttered.

Payback was a bitch and he was surely going force her into spending the whole day wearing that hideous thing.

His evil plan didn't last for long though. Soon, he spotted with the corner of his eye a small jewelry sitting in a dusty glass displayer. He hung the sweater back on the rank and slowly walked towards the showcase.

It was gold pyrites pendant in shape of a star, hanging from a leather rope and it was screaming Hailey.

"How much does this cost?" he hesitantly asked the elderly owner.

"For you, 300$," mr Billy said as he removed the pendant from the showcase to give Jay a better view.

"Wow," Jay took a step back in shock. "I think you are robbing me here Mr Billy."

"I would never do that to you Jay. You are my favorite costumer," the old man said in defense.

"Ok," Jay bit his lips reconsidering. One more look at it and he was in love. There was no way getting it out of his head now. He could picture it around Hailey's tiny neck. He reached his hand to touch but withdrew it at once as if it was radiating heat. There was too much innuendo in getting her a jewelry. Who in their right mind buys his martner a jewelry? He'd better stick to the typical gift and get her the sweater.

"Damn it," he cursed closing his eyes and just like that he inner struggle was over.

Five minutes later he was loading the car with the presents but there was only of bag that mattered to him. The one he chose to keep right by his side while driving. The one with the little black velvet box in it.


	10. Chistmas With the Upton Bros - Part B

**Once again thank you all for you support. I took into consideration all your suggestions so here is part b. Enjoy and can't wait to hear your thoughts. **

* * *

All night he kept tossing and turning. Why the hell did he agree to this? And worse, why did he buy that damn pendant? He should have stuck with the sweater.

By 8 am he was already up and in the shower. For a moment he considered shaving but then, he remembered that Hailey was fond of his light beard. So, he just groomed it and spent the next half hour trying to find the perfect outfit.

Hailey didn't warn him. Was it a casual gathering or more formal? Should he wear a suit or just a pair of jeans? He stared at the opened closet debating whether or not to call Hailey and simply ask her or call Will for a second opinion.

No! Surely no Will, he wouldn't hear the end of it. Then again, he felt too embarrassed to call Hailey too.

He anxiously bit his lips and grabbed a pair of jeans and a green shirt to match his eyes. Of course he'd never tell anyone about that little fashion detail.

Before he knew it, the clock struck 11 and Hailey texted him that she was right outside. Always punctual!

She couldn't stop laughing once she saw him struggling to open the front door while holding all those bags and two huge bamboo plants. She also couldn't help but notice how charming he looked, his cologne flooding the car once he opened the trunk to place the gifts.

"What the heck are all those?" she laughed.

"Well I wouldn't meet your family for the first time on Christmas empty handed," he honestly replied and entered the car.

Hailey shook her head amused.

"Wait," Jay yelled before she turned on the engine.

"What? " she looked at him worried.

"I think maybe we should take my car."

"Why?" she looked at him confused.

"What are your brothers going to think of me when they see you are the one driving? Oh great, a house husband!"

Hailey just looked at him, not believing those words actually came out from his mouth.

"Jay, you are freaking out over nothing," she placed her hand on his leg to reassure him. "My brothers are pretty cool. I would never drag you into this if my family were some kind of weirdos. Well, they are weirdos but the good kind of weirdos. They don't give a rat's ass about petty things such as gifts or who drives the car. Trust me, you can relax now."

He didn't know what it was. Her soothing voice? Her piercing blue eyes? Her comforting touch? A combination of all of the above?

All he knew, was that he finally managed to take a breath and enjoy the ride.

Once they reached Alex's neighborhood Jay couldn't help but notice how nice it looked. Huge trees on each side of the road. Beautiful houses with front lawns. Kids playing with their bikes up and down the street. He rarely allowed himself to contemplate things like marriage , children or anything beyond his job. He couldn't deny it though, that place was perfect to raise a family.

"Seems Michael is already here," Hailey said as she parked the car outside a two stories stone house.

She helped her partner carry the gifts and she anxiously rang the bell. Jay took a deep breath but before he could let it out the door opened.

"Merry Christmas," the petit detective shouted and jumped into Alex's embrace.

He was way taller than her, her tiny figure got lost in his arms. His hair were also much darker than hers. He would never think they were siblings. But then he noticed his eyes. Those big blue eyes. Yeap, those were all Hailey.

Michael creeped right behind his brother pulling his sister for another long embrace. They genuinely seemed happy to see each other.

Jay awkwardly stood in the backround, secretly hoping that no one would notice him.

"Guys, this is my partner Jay," Hailey finally pointed towards him.

Both her brother's eyes widened in sock as they looked at each other.

"You're Halstead?" Alex managed to say.

"Yeap, that's me," Jay nodded and offered his hand for a handshake.

Michael stepped forward to greet his as well but couldn't stop laughing, conjuring a look of pure mischief.

Jay frowned his eyebrows looking at them. It was obvious there was an inside joke somewhere. A joke he did not understand. He just wished he wasn't the joke.

"What are you two laughing about?" Hailey jumped to his rescue sensing that he was getting a bit uncomfortable.

"Nothing," Alex said still laughing. "It's just, you never described your partner so we assumed we was older….much older….and probably bold."

"No," Michael shook his head. "You said he'll be bold. I said he'd be fat, like Ovelix level of fat."

Hailey turned to look at Jay smiling. "So, these two assholes are my brothers. Told you you would get along."

Once they walked into the house, they were welcomed by Gina and Jill, her brother's wives who were equally surprised by Jay's appearance.

As they walked into the living room, two little girls snuck up them and fell right into the arms of their favorite aunt, Hailey.

"These two little monsters are my nieces," she said while drowning them in kisses.

_Damn it_, Jay thought to himself. _I should have bought more dolls._

Just like all kids at Christmas, their eyes landed on the bags that were holding.

"Are these for us?" they both screamed jumping up and down in excitement.

"You greedy little monsters," Hailey laughed at them. She had made a deal with both her brothers that each Christmas, instead of buying them gifts she would deposit an amount of money to their bank account. The kids might not like it now, but they we surely appreciate the gesture once they are old enough to understand.

Jay happily handed them the bags containing the dolls and left the rest on the side. Melissa, the younger one was thrilled by them. On the other hand, Arya, yes her brother had named her after the Game of Thrones character, didn't seem that excited.

"I am not sure she likes by gift," Jay nervously whispered into Hailey's ear.

"Don't worry," she smiled. "She's just not that into dolls. She is more of a tomboy."

"Just like her Aunt," Alex added.

"Does she like cars?" Jay asked.

"Are you kidding me? She loves them. She dissembles them and then piece by piece she builds her own version of a car."

"Well then I have the perfect the perfect gift for you," Jay sat on the floor opposite to her and gave her the bag with the cars and trucks.

Once she opened it her eyes lit in excitement and threw herself into Jay's arms.

"This is so cool, thank you!" she kept saying again and again.

The little kid gathered all her cars and run to her bedroom upstairs,

"That's it," Jill laughed. "Those will keep her occupied for the next week."

To Jay's surprise the next few hours just flew away. Hailey was right. Her brothers were cool guys and he was happy to finally meet them. Of course he would never admit it to his partner.

It had been years since the last time he spent Christmas with…. well, anyone.

For two years in a row he had spent the holidays in Afghanistan surround by war.

His mother got sick around Christmas and died exactly a year later.

His last huge fight with his father was on the Christmas table.

He had associated that day with pain and sadness.

Sometimes he felt so alone it was unbearable. All he had was friendly acquaintances, co-workers who had become the closest thing he had to a family and a brother who as always, was mostly absent. He had no connection to anyone.

He always avoided going out during that period because deep down inside he felt jealous. Jealous of the couple who walked by him holding hands. Jealous of the parents out on a shopping spree. Jealous of the children's blind faith in magic. Jealous of the people who believed in miracles. No, he was wrong there. He actually believed in miracles otherwise he should have died a thousand times by now.

The scar from his latest wound was still fresh as he unconsciously ran his fingers on it. An inch closer to the artery and he wouldn't be sitting on that table now.

Being in that house reminded him of his childhood and all those things he missed.

The immature sibling fights.

The smell of homemade dinner.

The presents underneath the Christmas tree.

The coziness of a family home.

And most importantly, how it felt to be surrounded by people you love and love you back.

The latest happy memory of Christmas he had, was when he was around 13. Will had dared him to jump into their plastic pool from the roof and boy he did. He had always been a daredevil rascal. It was a wonder how he reached adulthood without breaking any bones.

After hours and hours of embarrassing stories about Hailey, her brothers decided to turn their focus on Jay.

"So Jay," Alex started. "Hailey has been very secretive about you. All we know is that you've been partners for nearly 3 years. What's more to learn about you?"

Jay paused for a moment, taking a long pull of his wine.

"There is not much to learn honestly," he simply replied.

He could feel it coming. The interrogation! It was a wonder they waited for so long.

"Do you have any siblings?" Gina continued.

"Actually yes, I have a brother. He is a doctor over at Chicago Med."

Ok, that was an easy question. He could deal with them.

"How come you are not spending the day with him?" Michael jumped to ask.

"They are sort on staff so he volunteered to work the double shift."

Everyone nodded on admiration.

"What about your parents?" Michael asked again.

Here we go, he thought. He could feel Hailey's eyes landing on his. They stared for a brief moment as and once again communicated without actually saying a word. Thank God she was sitting right next to him. In a weird way he felt safe.

With a single look he reassured her that he was fine with all the questions, for now.

"Both my parents are dead."

"I am sorry about that," Jill softly said.

"What about your parents?" Jay regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

The siblings gave each other a worried look. It was obvious that no one was comfortable to answer. Finally it was Hailey who jumped in.

"Our father died a decade ago. Our mother went back to Greece after that."

Jay reached underneath the table and grabbed Hailey's hand. He shouldn't have asked that question. It was evident that it had caused everyone uneasiness. Their fingers entwined as he looked straight into her eyes saying _I am sorry._

"Do you ever think about quitting?" Alex asked breaking their silent moment.

"Quit what?"

"Your job."

"No, Jay shook his head. Being a cop, it is who I am. Good partners don't come easily. I am grateful that your sister came to our unit. I trust her with my life," Jay turned his head and smiled at her.

"What about your previous partner?" Alex was really poking into his past.

"She had another job offer and moved to NY," Jay replied trying to hide the sadness in his voice.

"She? Another female partner?" Michael teased.

"What can I say. I am bound to be surrounded by bad ass women."

"Aren't you ever worried about getting hurt?" Gina asked worriedly. "Every time we hear about something on the news, we fear about Hailey."

"It's the nature of our job. At some point we are all bound to get hurt, whether that means getting stabbed shot, beat up…. Anything. You just shrug it off and live to fight another day."

"Actually," Hailey interrupted. "Jay got shot a couple of months ago. That was like… what… the second time you've been shot?"

"Second time while partnered up with you. Fourth time overall. No…scratch that. Fifth time. I once took a bullet in Afghanistan too."

Everyone looked at him in owe. How could he speak so lightly about getting shot. Nearly dying?

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Jill decided to change the subject with a wicked smile and all eyes landed again on him.

"No," he could feel his cheeks flushing.

"Why?" Jill went on.

_Oh you foxy little minx,_ Jay thought. _You are not dropping this are you?_

"I am taking a small break from relationships," Jay hesitantly answered.

"Bad break up?" Alex looked at his in understanding.

"You could say that," he sadly replied looking down at his plate.

He never got the closure he wanted with Erin and that's what hurt him the most. Yes, had screwed up by not mentioning his marriage. Yes, he screwed up by moving out of their house. But all he asked for was a break, not a break up. He needed some time to short his life out.

Even though Erin pushed everyone away after Nadia died and dived into self destruction , Jay was the only one to stay by her side. He was the one that believed in her. He was the one that waited for her. So, he figured she would wait for him too.

He understood why she chose to leave Chicago. He couldn't understand why she chose to leave him. No, not just leave him. Disappear. Not a message, not a phone call, nothing. In the beginning he used to blame himself. That he was the reason she left. He had even thought about visiting her in NY in a desperate attempt to bring her back. But what would happen if she rejected him once more. He wasn't sure he could take another hit. That would break him even more.

Hailey looked at him with compassion in her eyes. She knew enough about him to read his unreadable emotions. It gave them a unique connection she never had with anyone. Not even with Garret.

She loved him. There was no doubt about that. Call it love between friends, partners or simply between a man and a woman. It was love nonetheless. No matter how hard she tried to burry that feeling, it always found a way to resurface. Would she ever find the courage to open up to him? Why was she so scared? Was she trying to protect herself? Was she trying to protect him? Was she trying to protect them both?

Little did she know that Jay had the exact same thoughts. Seeing this carefree version of her made him realize how hard he was falling for her. He loved her smile, her dimples, her big blue eyes. He loved how the wind messed her hair. How she would cover herself with layers of clothes when it was cold. He loved how she pretended to love horror movies but she secretly closed her eyes during the scary scenes. He loved her knock on his door. The adrenaline, the adventures, the job, they held no appeal to him anymore. He just wanted a home, with her!

Before they knew it, it was already dark and time to go back home. Her family had put him under the spotlight but he didn't mind. He truly enjoyed their company and couldn't wait to see them again. He had forgotten how a bonded family looked like.

As they reached their parked car Jay noticed the mistletoe hanging from the tree above them. He looked at it and the diverted his look to Hailey.

"Do you know what that means?" he said with a wicked smile while pointing the mistletoe.

Hailey just stood there clearly surprised at what he was suggesting.

"It's bad luck if we don't," Jay took a step closer to her.

They both wanted it, yet they were both afraid.

Finally, Hailey stepped forward, her lips parted slightly only a breath away from his. Jay caught his lower lip his teeth as if contemplating his suggestion. Time seems to stop as he looks down into her eyes. He cupped her cheek with his palm, his thumb softly caressing her soft skin. That was the closest they'd ever been, either on duty or off. Regardless of what would happen next, he knew he'd cherish that Christmas day for the rest of his life.

The build up was killing him. He slowly leaned forward and brought his lips to hers. With one hand still on her cheek he moved the other at her lower back. He could feel her tremble under his touch. To his surprised she returned the kiss, brushing away all his insecurities.

Without any hesitation Jay deepened the kiss as his tongue found hers and a soft moan escaped her lips. They pulled each other closer as if there was no barrier between them.

Their breaths were becoming heavy while their hands tightened their grip on each other. He had to stop now, otherwise he wouldn't be able to stop at all.

He pulled back breathless as he rested his forehead on hers, his hand still cupping her flustered cheek.

They both break into laughter in an attempt to break the tension.

"Well, that was….interesting," Hailey said licking her lips.

"Not exactly the word I'd use," Jay smiled while he brushed his lips with his thumb, still tasting her.

The both entered the car giggling like two teenage kids, their hearts still racing like a crazy train.

No one said a single word on the way home. There was no need. Their bodies did all the talking.

Once they reached Jay's apartment, she stopped him before exiting the car.

"Hey, about… earlier….. I don't think we should…."

"It was just a kiss under the mistletoe, " Jay softly smiled at her.

"Crap, I almost forgot," he nervously took the little black velvet box out of his pocket. "This is for you."

Hailey looked at him in disbelief as he handed it to her.

With trembling hand she opened it and gasped in surprise.

"Jay, you shouldn't have. It's beautiful. "

"Here, let me help you," he took the pendant out of the box and carefully put it around Hailey's neck. "You're lucky I didn't get you what I initially had in mind."

Hailey couldn't stop from caressing her new pendant. Apart from their everyday coffee, Jay had never bought her a gift. It was too intimate and their partnership was everything but intimate.

"Well, since we are exchanging gifts," Hailey opened the glove department and took out another small black box.

"I've had this for a while, but I wasn't sure if I'd ever give it to you."

Jay opened it and a sad smile escaped his lips. "You didn't," he whispered.

Hailey had also turned a bullet into a pendant hanging from a long chain.

"It's the bullet that nearly killed you. I wanted you to keep it, as a reminder! What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger."

"What doesn't kill me, only pisses me off," Jay tried to joke.

"Thank you," he nodded closing his eyes in gratitude as he put the chain around his neck.

"So, partners?" Hailey looked at him still flushed at the thought of their kiss.

"Merry Christmas partner," Jay softly smiled at her and got out of the car.

Before opening the front door he turned around for one last peek at his partner. All the sad memories of past Christmases were magically gone. He had built a new memory. New foundations for the Holidays to come. New plans. And Hailey was the most crucial part of his plans.


	11. Happy Birthday

This story was originally supposed to take place during Valentine's day. But since Chicagogirl13 requested a birthday story, I made some alterations. Hope you all like it.

* * *

"Happy 32," a far too cheerful Jay was standing in front of Hailey's door holding a birthday cake and a bottle of tequila.

The blonde detective just growled and let him in completely ignoring the cake in hands.

"Oh, come on," Jay pleaded. "I went over to Greek Town to get you this. The least you can do is blow the candle. "

Hailey just glared at him, blew the candle without breaking eye contact and then grabbed the bottle and headed towards the kitchen. This was definitely not art of her plans. Her ideal birthday included sweatpants, pizza and Netflix.

"Man, you really hate birthdays don't you," Jay kidded as he followed her and placed the cake on the counter.

"No, not all" Hailey shook her head. "Just mine. "

"Why? For people in our line of work, birthdays should be celebrated. They mean that we made it out alive for another year," Jay said as he took off his jacket and sat.

"It doesn't have to be my birthday to celebrate that. New Year's does just fine," she bluntly responded as she sat opposite to him.

"Come on partner, be honest with me. Why do you hate your birthdays so much? In three years now you have never celebrated it with us."

Jay was right. His partner was awfully secretive about her birthday. She had no problem sharing her age so that wasn't the issue.

"My birthday was never fun," Hailey sighed. "For my dad it was just another excuse to start drinking early in the morning, at least for the first few years. After I turned 10 he wouldn't even remember it. As you get older, you kind of lose the excitement of celebrating to mention that each birthday is yet another reminder that I am getting older but I am still without a family of my own."

It was obvious that she was fighting off tears as her eyes were starting to lose their blue color. Jay hated seeing her like that. Every time she cried in front of him he fought the need to hold her tight in his arms. Every time though, he just stood there and let his presence calm her down. In their three year partnership she had never initiated any form of physical contact.

He slowly reached his hand to hold Hailey's, but immediately regretted the idea and withdrew it.

"Look," he just said. "The past is in the past. What matters is that you no longer have any reason to feel disappointed or scared. I am here with you and I am not going anywhere. I promise you I will never forget your birthday and always knock on your door with a cake in hands. Even when you are old, wrinkly and have no teeth to eat it, I will still bring you cake."

Hailey couldn't help but chuckle. Her partner always had that magic way of bringing peace to her soul. It was that weird effect he had on her since day one.

"Will you pour me a drink?" Jay asked eyeing the bottle of Tequila.

Plan A, was to get her out of those sweatpants and go clubbing. Since that wasn't the case, it was time for Plan B. Get hammered at home. But that plan seemed to fails as well as Hailey placed a single glass on the counter.

"Are you not drinking?" Jay asked disappointed.

""I don't drink on my birthday!"

"Why?" Jay gave her a wicked smile. He knew there was a good story behind that.

"Let's say that I don't make smart decisions when drunk and celebrating," Hailey hoped he would drop the topic. There were far too many embarrassing stories for her to share.

"Look, we are staying home. The only person here with you is me so what could possibly go wrong?"

Trust me, a lot," Hailey filled his glass.

Jay took a long sip and looked straight into her eyes hoping her eyes would find his. But she was too preoccupied staring at the counter top.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

Finally, she turned her gaze and stared at him intensely. "I am fine."

"No, you are not. You can lie to the whole world, you can hide behind your smile, but I can feel you. You can't keep any secrets from me."

"Really?" Hailey raised her eyebrows. "There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"Just because you haven't told me, doesn't mean I don't know,"Jay confidently said taking another long sip of tequila.

Without a warning, she suddenly took his glass from his hands and took a sip. That simple motion felt oddly intimate and for a moment he could feel his heart skip a beat.

"Screw this, if we are doing thin, am drinking," Hailey finally caved in.

The petit detective stood up, took another two small glasses out of the cupboard, a lime and salt.

Jau just stood there looking at her puzzled. "So we are switching to shots now?"

"Yes," she gave him a creepy smile that he had never witnessed again. "I'll ask the questions. If you are right, I'll drink. If not, you'll drink."

And just like that, the quick fire round started.

"What's my favorite colour?"

"Blue, because it reminds you of Greece."

_A shot for Hailey!_

"Favorite food?"

"Simple, Mac and cheese."

_A shot for Hailey!_

"Favorite drink?"

"When you are happy, you drink beer. When you feel the blues you turn to Scotch but can't resist to the occasional Cosmopolitan."

_A shot for Hailey!_

"Favorite movie?"

"You claim it's Silence of the Lamps but it's actually Pretty Woman. You actually own the vhs, dvd and bluray!"

_A shot for Hailey!_

"Favorite song?"

"Again, it depends on your mood. You start the day with something upbeat like D_on't Stop me Now._ When you are angry you switch to Metallica but when you feel sad, the drama queen in you surfaces in the form of Celine Dion."

_A shot for Hailey!_

He was on fire. If this was a game he was definitely winning. She was getting frustrated and he loved every minute of it.

"Here's a difficult one," her eyes squinted as she licked the tequila from her lips. "What's my greatest fear?"

"You call that difficult?" Jay's raised his head in absolute confidence. "You are scared of cockroaches."

Hailey smiled in victory. "You are wrong! Yes, I do hate cockroaches – those suckers from hell can fly – but that is not my greatest fear."

_A shot for Jay!_

She bit her lips for a second, debating whether or not to come open about the little secret.

"So, greatest fear, " she continued. "My greatest fear is you."

Jay stared at her sad eyes in shock. "What do you mean?"

"I don't ever want to feel the way I did when you were shot. I have never been more scared in my life before. One minute you were standing in front of me and the next you were laying on the ground bleeding. I could feel your skin turn cold. Your heartbeat fainting with each second that went by. Your blood soaking my hands. I thought you were going to die and there was nothing I could do to save you."

She could feel the tears, hot and welcome stream down her cheek. Before she could wipe them away Jay reached his hand and cupped her face, gently wiping the tears with his thump. He had never touched her like that again. His palm warm and soft against her skin. Hailey unconsciously closed her eyes and leaned her head against his hand. So, that's how he felt like.

"I am sorry you had to go through that," his voice almost like whisper.

Hailey could feel the tears building up. For months she had been burying all those feelings seep inside. Fear, frustration, anger. She wanted to yell at him, hit him and hug him, all at the same time. She wanted to promise her that he would never put his life in danger again.

No, that wasn't the time for a meltdown. She raised her head and wiped what was left of her tears.

"I am sorry," she said sniffing he nose.

"No,I am sorry," Jay run his hand through his hair. "I've been selfish.I never considered the impact it would have on you."

"Just promise me, no more secrets."

"The same goes for you!"

"The same goes for the both of us. No more secrets, no more lies."

No words were needed. Their silence was their unspoken pact!

The atmosphere in the room had turned very heavy. They needed to lighten things up so they spent the rest of the night coming up with every possible drinking game they could think of.

One bottle of Tequila and two bottle of whiskeys later they were still standing. Well, almost standing. Both of them had crushed on the couch side by side. Her head leaning against his shoulder as his hand was wrapped around her, their thighs brushing against each other. That had to be the closest they had ever sat.

"Do you think you will ever get a happy ending?" Hailey asked staring at the ceiling.

Jay frowned at her unexpected question.

"I am not sure _Happy Endings_ even exist. Am I cynical to believe they are just a myth? A fairy tale fed to us from the moment we are born so that we will always have faith. Do you?"

Hailey hesitated for a moment but finally brought herself up to face her partner. Both their pupils clearly dilated from all the alcohol they had consumed.

"I don't know if it's the Tequila or the whiskey talking. Then again, maybe it's just me. I secretly hope my happing ending will be you! I want you!" her eyes never leaving his.

"Ok, no more drinking for you tonight. I think it's time for you to go to sleep," Jay joked as he tried to stand up but Hailey pinned him down.

"I mean it," she whispered in his ear and then began to trail kisses down his neck. Her cheeks were flushed, he skin hot.

Jay swallowed hard in embarrassment. Before he could process the situation Hailey was already standing in his lap, both hands cupping his face.

Her lips were only a breath away from his. He was fighting so hard the urge to touch her, but soon the fight was lost. He tangled his hands into her hair and pulled her in for a kiss. A soft gentle kiss that soon turned into passionate and gasping for air.

Soft moans of pleasure escaped their lips as he rolled on top of her, his hands exploring her whole body. He wanted to remember every part of it. The feel of her lips, the taste of her mouth, the tremble he thought he felt as he held her.

But not, he had to stop before there was no going back and finally found the strength to break the kiss.

"Hails no, we can't do this," he sighed out of breath, his forehead still leaning on hers.

"Yes, we can," she nodded, her voice barely audible as her hands started unbuttoning his t-shirt.

"Please, no," Jay placed his hand on top of hers in order to stop her. "This is wrong, we can't do this. Not like this."

Hailey let out a deep breath in disappointment. "Even when you are drunk, you are sober."

Jay stood up out of breath and helped too. He looked at her and he felt amazed at himself that he was able to stop.

"Don't get me wrong," he carried on sensing Hailey's frustration. "I want you, God I want you so much. But not like this. You only want it because you're drunk. What happens when you wake up in the morning and realize this was all a mistake? I will be crushed, and I don't know if I can take another hit."

Hailey stood closer to him and run her fingers through his hair. "Trust me, I've wanted this for a very long time. As a matter of fact, I think I am falling for you. Hard! "

Jay's mouth dropped at the unexpected confession. All this time he thought his feelings were one sided. He never made a move because he was afraid of rejection. Yet, there she was saying what he was too scared to even utter. She loved him.

"I love you too," Jay smiled at her relieved and brushed his thumb on her lips. "That is exactly why we have to wait. I want to remember this moment. I want to be sober when I hear those words from you. If we wake up on the morning with nothing but a strong hangover, then that's a sign that we'll have to wait. Otherwise, it's game on!"

Just like that, they laid back on the cushions sharing one last kiss before they fell asleep into each other arms.

Hailey woke up in bed with her head pounding. Her mouth was dry and her vision impaired. How much did they drink last night. She leaned up on one elbow and tried to open her eyes. She squinted at the clock. Damn it, it was already 9 am. She brushed her eyes with her finger to get a better look at her surroundings. Yeap, that was definitely her bedroom.

Something felt very odd though. With blurry vision, she spotted another figure laying right next to her. Suddenly her eyes opened wide up. That was Jay!

_Oh crap _she muttered and she checked under the covers to see if they were still wearing clothes.

"Don't freak out," Jay said yawning and stretching his arms. "We were both too drunk to try anything."

"Oh thank God," Hailey head dropped back in complete relief. "Last think I wanted was another _Birthday day mistake."_

Jay leaned up against the pillows and looked at her as she got out of bed and into her robe.

"Mistake?" he asked with a hint of pain in his voice.

He was right after all. What hurt him the most was the fact that he remembered every single bit of the previous night. The taste of her lips, her intoxicating scent, her soft touch, her declaration of love. And yet, there she was labeling it _a mistake. _

Hailey turned around to look at him sensing his wounded pride. "Nothing good comes out of drunken night. I went through this with Adam. I won't make the same mistakes with you."

"So, does that mean I have a chance with you?" Jay joked to defuse the tension.

"By now you should know Detective Halstead. If anyone has a chance with me, it's you," She gave him her wickiest smile and walked into the bathroom.

Jay smiled to himself. It wasn't the booze talking. Those words last night, were all Hailey. The truth was out and it was game on!


	12. 7x16

**As expected, this is an embellished version of 7x16 finale. Once again, I cannot thank you enough for your support. **

* * *

The day was finally over. Michelle, along with her daughter, were on the plane and away from Chicago. Away from the man who destroyed her life.

He was in desperate need for alcohol and his partner, as always, had read his mind.

"I ordered you a double," she smiled at him as he sat right opposite to her.

"Thanks," he let out a deep sigh and grabbed the glass.

"So?" Hailey asked concerned.

"So, Michelle is on a plane with her daughter and her brother is gonna pick them up in Phoenix," he raised his glass trying to hide his concern and took a slight sip.

"That's great. That's great news," Hailey nodded and smiled.

"It is if she stays away from Shane," Jay still had doubts whether she could keep away from her husband.

"All you could do was buy her the ticket. The rest is up to her," Hailey responded in an almost cold voice.

Jay looked straight into her eyes. Was Hailey's attitude all an act, or was she really that unaffected by the case. No, body language was evident that it was clearly an act.

"I don't know how you went through this growing up," he said knowing he was pressing her buttons.

At the sound of that question she immediately diverted her look and stared at the floor.

"Hmm. Every situation's a little different. My dad would come home drunk after being out all night. My mom would say something to him. He would snap. I was little, so I just put a pillow over my head to try to make it all go away. But you know, she would come downstairs the next day with a bunch makeup on, trying to cover it up. You could still see the bruises. Every time, we would tell ourselves it was the last time. But, of course, it would happen again, and they were just in this terrible dance. But you know, I would close my eyes, and I would wish that somebody would come in and just put him in his place. Do what you did. You did a good thing, Jay."

In her eyes he sees it all, all her pain and anger. During their 3 years partnership, this was her most sincere confession. It was personal and intimate. Maybe a bit too intimate for Hailey. Honestly, she didn't just wish someone to put her dad in his place. She wished someone would take her away from the house. From that man. From that life.

She wished she had met Jay earlier.

"So what happened to your mom?" he asked hoping he wasn't pushing her too hard. "Where did she go?"

"Nowhere. She is still with my dad," she bluntly responded and took a long sip from her glass to hide her sorrow and disappointment.

Jay kept looking right into her eyes, amazed by her strength. She was just a kid when she went through that hell, yet she managed to wash it off and walk away unmarked. How did she do that?

How could she get out of bed every morning in that house knowing that she was living in a vicious circle of violence?

How could she aptly listen to Michelle's screams and chose to stand back?

How could her mother accept that kind of life for her children?

Voight was right. He was wired through the heart. When someone is helpless he jumps in to the rescue, no second thoughts. Even if that means risking his own life on the way.

But no matter how many people he helped, no matter how hard he tried to bury his demons, they always found a way to crawl up to the surface. They were always there, stalking him. Even when he was not thinking about them. Even on good days, they were still there and he was tired and worn because of it.

He was tired of pretending to be strong. He was tired of pretending to not be in pain. In a miraculous way he had even managed to fool his own doctor. Six weeks had gone by since the shooting but he could still feel the effects. Putting on his blouse was the least of his problems. Sometimes he had trouble performing simple tasks such as washing his hair.

Unfortunately, taking that first swing on his shoulder from Michelle's husband that day, didn't help with the situation. As a matter of fact, it felt like taking another bullet. Like a true veteran though, he washed it off and did his job, as always. There was no way though he would ever shared that little detail with anyone. Especially now that he was back to being partners with Hailey.

He often wondered whether Vought was informed about his Injured on Duty record. This is Voight we are talking about, of course he knew. He knew about everything that went down in Afghanistan and still accepted him.

Would he ever be comfortable enough to share his trauma with Hailey? No! He could never do that for the same reason he never talked to Erin about it. He was afraid. Afraid that she would change the way she looked at him. Now, there was admiration and respect in her eyes.

After six broken fingers, five broken ribs, one broken wrist, lacerated skull and over a hundred stitches, her blue eyes would look at him with pity. He was too damn proud for pity.

One thing was sure. He trusted Hailey above anyone else. He had faith in her that she would never give up on him no matter what.

After a couple of more drinks, they decided to take their little group therapy back to Hailey's house. They both needed to stay alone, but at the same time craved for each other's presence.

They crashed on the couch and sat there, side by side, for hours without saying a word, yet their silence spoke volumes.

Deep down, they both feared that the case would set their worst nightmares in motion. Jay had forgotten when was the last time he had slept peacefully. He had lost count how many times he'd wake up at night crying, screaming and soaking in sweat. How many times he had woken up disoriented, thinking he was still at war. How many times he had woken up in panic, feeling like there was no air left in the room.

He kept forcing himself to stay awake. He didn't want Hailey to witness him like that. She wouldn't be able to handle it. Suddenly, without a warning, she curled up under his arm allowing herself to fall asleep under his protection. That simple motion felt oddly intimate.

Then, he spotted with the corner of his eyes the red roses. The ones he pretended to buy for his girlfriend and ended up handing them to her. There they were, on her bedroom's nightstand in a white vase. The door was slightly open but he was almost certain. Those were his flowers. She had kept them.

He bent over to kiss her forehead. Her cheeks were flushed and her skin hot. He stared at her for a moment taking her in. He had to admit to himself, that that felt right. She belonged right there, in his arms.

Unconsciously, he pulled her even closer to his body until the air was no longer a barrier between them. Their bodies made a perfect match, like two pieces of the same puzzle.

Just like that, the miracle happened. His eye lids started feeling heavy and he let himself into the arms of Morpheus. For the first time in a long time, his dreams were not haunted by nightmares. They were dreams of hope for a better future. A future with his partner.


	13. Death in the Family

** I am sorry in advance that this chapter. These past couple of weeks have been difficult so I needed to take it all out in a dramatic storyline. Don't hate me...please! **

* * *

The whole city was on lockdown.

Not because of a terrorist attack or a bio weapon, but because of the deadly virus that had been spreading all over the world. It's name, COVID-19.

All citizens were obliged to stay home in order to somehow contain the spread. All Police patrols were busy. It was their job to keep everyone in Chicago aligned and all detectives offered to help since they were catching flies. No murders, no burglaries, no crimes at all. Everyone was too preoccupied with the invisible enemy.

It was already dark. Jay and Hailey walked into the district after another long day of patrols. A lot of people ignored the constant reminders to stay at home. They weren't afraid of something that they couldn't see so they felt invisible. They felt like rebels standing up to the government and that pissed Jay and Hailey off.

At first they tried to be the good cops. The kind cops. The ones that calmly tried to explain to the ignorant, the gravity of the situation. After a couple of hours on the streets thought, their kindness was long gone. They were angry, frustrated, tired and above all afraid of the future. That was an enemy that none of them could fight.

As soon as they entered the building, Jay noticed Platt's eyes landing on him. She was on the phone and her eyes were visibly teary. Both Jay and Hailey immediately knew that something was wrong. Their first thought was that someone on the team had gotten hurt.

Well, they were partially correct.

They stood there side by side, unable to move, waiting for Platt to break the news. Their hearts accelerated but still were beating in unity. Unconsciously, Jay took Hailey's hand in his and held it tight. This was way too soon. First Al, then Antonio was gone, Jay nearly died, Kim lost the baby. The team couldn't endure another hit.

Their eyes met in a desperate attempt to reassure each other. Jay held his partner's hand even tighter as his thumb was gently stroking it.

"Jay, it's for you," Platt swallowed hard. "It's from Afghanistan, Sergeant Ortiz."

At the sound of that, Jay felt the earth move underneath him. A second ago his heart was beating like a crazy train but now, it had stopped. His whole body went numb and he could feel that strong knot forming in his stomach. That nasty chill down his spine.

The time had come. He had to find the strength to step forward and answer the call he had been dreading for 3 years now.

Finally, he forced himself to release Hailey's warm hand and walk towards the front desk.

The news were written all over Platt's face. He knew it. He could feel it. But he wasn't ready to hear it.

Taking along breath he closed his eyes and placed the phone on his ear.

"This is Halstead," he answered, his voiced barely audible.

Hailey stepped closer to her partner. Quite often, Jay mentioned his dear friend Mouse who was serving in Afghanistan. The tech expert with the Hawaiian shirts. A picture of him and Jay at Molly's decorated her partner's fridge.

Apart for a simple "how" Jay never spoke a word on the phone. Just suppressed mumbles. It didn't matter though, his body language spoke volumes. His head had dropped forward. His trembling fingers were barely holding the phone. His body was stiff and his jaw clenched.

A couple of minutes later the call was over.

"I have to go home," Jay softly said as he rubbed his face with his hands.

"I am sorry," Platt managed to say to him before he turned his back on her.

"I know," he responded sniffing his nose trying to hold back the tears.

Platt looked at Hailey, silently urging her to go after him.

"Were are you going?" she followed him outside the District.

"Home, I am sorry but I want to go home," he picked up his pace clearly trying to avoid her.

"Jay stop!" the blonde detective yelled as she grabbed his upper hand to stop him before getting into his car.

"Hailey please," Jay begged avoiding any eye contact with her. "I just want to be alone right now."

"Come on. You know I won't do that. This is our thing, remember? I don't know exactly what they told you on the phone, but I can only assume. You don't have to go through this alone. I am here for you. I will always be here for you."

Jay kept staring at his car's window. Well, actually he was staring at his partner's reflection who was still holding his arm. He wanted to be alone but also with her at the same time. He wanted to swallow his pain but also share it with her. He wanted to break down and cry but only in her arms.

He let out a deep sigh and handed her the keys. "I am not in the mood to drive."

That was all the invitation she needed. Within seconds they were already taking to road to his apartment. As expected, during the ride none spoke a word. It wasn't the time or the place.

Within ten minutes they were already entering Jay's apartment. He dropped his keys on the coffee table and walked straight towards his mini bar to pour himself and his partner a glass of whiskey.

He took a long sip and crashed on the couch with Hailey sitting right opposite to him.

"Was it about your friend?" she hesitantly asked.

Jay just nodded staring at the bottom of his already empty glass.

"Is he…..?"

Once again Jay refused to verbally answer and simply nodded. Hot tears were already tingling his green eyes.

"How?" she asked hoping she wasn't putting too much pressure on him.

"Not as I expected," Jay ironically smiled

"What do you mean?" Hailey frowned her eyebrows confused.

"He fell sick a few days ago and as it turned out, he had that God damn virus," he took another long sip. "He had high fever for the first few days and then it turned into pneumonia. After that it all went downhill. He lungs started collapsing and there was nothing they could do."

"Jay I am so sorry," she leaned forward trying to find his eyes. "I know I never met him, but I know how important he was to you. "

Jay never picked up his gaze from his glass. He was clearly lost in his own thoughts.

"He was miles away from home and he died all alone. He had no one by his side. No one! The nurses said his last words were '_Tell Jay I have no regrets_."

"Regrets about what?" Hailey softly smiled believing there was an inside joke behind Greg's final words.

"I told him not to go back. I told him he didn't belong there but he didn't listen to me. I should have tried harder to change his mind," he wiped his runny nose with his hand.

"Jay, I've heard this story from the guys as well. From what they told me, Greg had already made up his mind. There was nothing you could have said to change his mind," Hailey stood up and sat right next to him on the couch.

"He wanted to die a soldier," Jay bitterly smiled. "He wanted to die in battle and ended up dying because of a virus. Talking about irony."'

Hailey didn't know how to respond. Usually she always had the right thing to say, but now she was speechless. She desperately wanted to help her partner but didn't know how.

"I need to throw some water on my face," Jay stood up and quickly walked towards the bathroom.

He placed both hand on the sink to support his weight and looked at his reflection on the mirror. His skin pale as snow and his eyes red as fire.

He felt desperate, guilty, breathless. He felt like on the verge of losing control. On the verge of losing himself. The tightness on his chest, the rapid heartbeat, the sense of panic edging outward.

How many losses could he endure? How many people did he have to lose before falling apart? Why did everyone around him die?

Mouse had been a better brother than Will. That was harsh to say, but it was the truth. He had saved his life more than once. He was his rock. His friend. His family. And now, he was gone.

Greg always looked up to Jay because he thought he was stronger than him. He believed he had figured the world out. How wrong he was!

It was all a façade. Of course, Jay was still haunted by his trauma. He could still hear the echo of bombs ringing in his ears. He could still feel his aching body.

Above all though, were the nightmares. Sometimes, he dreamt of his tortures. Other times, of gunfights and exploding glasses. Lately, he had been dreaming of his own death.

He touched his chest with his hand desperately trying to catch a breath while fighting the tears away.

He leaned on the sink grabbing it tightly, gasping for air.

Right then, Hailey walked in worried of what was taking him so long.

As soon as she saw him in that state, she run and covered him with her body placing both arms around him. She could feel his trembling body under her palms.

"Hey, hey," she whispered to him.

It was too late. The fight was lost. He started crying uncontrollably and soon enough his legs could no longer support him. He started to lose balance. Thankfully Hailey even though petit, was strong enough to break the fall and they both landed on the floor.

"I wasn't there for him," Hay was sobbing. "I promised I would always take care of him and I failed."

He broke right there on the cold floor of the bathroom, in front of another human being. The one human being he didn't want to see this. He wanted to fight her away but he couldn't.

She pulled him in her arms whispering in his ear.

"There was nothing you could have done. You were lucky to have him in your life and he was lucky to have you. Yes, he didn't deserve to die like that. He didn't deserve to die at all. But he went out doing what he loved. Remember? No regrets!"

Jay could feel her warmth against his cold skin. Her breath on his ear. She sounds so strong, so convincing, so comforting. What he can't see, are the tears in her blue eyes as she gently strokes his hair.

She was right. That was their _thing_ and it worked. Jay may never get over his friend's loss but it felt good to have someone to talk to. Someone to share the pain.

Still, he couldn't help but think that if Greg had met someone important in his life, he would never had left. Who knew? If it wasn't for Erin back then or Hailey right now, Jay might had enlisted with him too.

One thing was true. Of all the people he had lost, Greg was the one to leave a huge void in his heart. A void that no one could feel.


	14. 7x18

**Once again I would like to thank every single one of you for your support and kind words. This of course takes place after the ending of 7x18. Hope you'll enjoy it. **

* * *

New york!

Those two words kept echoing in Jay's head as he looked at Voight in shock.

It was already 8:30am and his partner hadn't arrived at the office. That, in addition to the fact that she was ignoring his calls and texts had him worried.

That was when Voight dropped the bomb.

New York!

History was repeating itself. This couldn't be happening. He wasn't ready to lose another partner he cared for.

"What do you mean you sent her to New York?" he asked trying to control his temper.

"It's only for a couple of weeks and trust me when I say, it's for her own good," Voight responded trying somehow, to reassure him that his partner was coming back.

Jay shook his head in disbelief.

"What about the unit's good? What about my good? I am her partner. You should have given me a warning, a head's up," he kept pacing up and down the Sergeant's office.

"I SHOULDN'T have done anything. This is a direct order from you superior and you both better follow it," Voight's words came out harsher than intended as he stormed out of his office.

Jay ran his finger through his hair and sighed. He was angry at Voight but right now, he was getting angrier at Hailey. Angry, disappointed and betrayed.

Why wouldn't she warn him? Why would she leave without sending goodbye? Did their three year partnership mean nothing to her?

He wanted answers and he was not getting them by sitting still. He took his phone out of his pocket and checked the flights to New York. There were three morning flights to New York. He grabbed his jacket and ran to his car hoping that Hailey hadn't already left the house.

As he drove, completely ignoring Stop Signs and red lights, he kept thinking of what he should say to her. He had heard about Gael's arrest and he bet that she had somehow to do with it. Was she capable of planting evidence to force an arrest? Sadly, yes! After all, it wouldn't be the first time she interfered in a case.

That was the difference between them. Jay would often let his heart lead his actions but he always played by the book. He knew Lonnie was guilty but never planted any evidence in order to convict him. Yes, he wrongfully arrested Marcus but only because everything pointed towards him, including the facial recognition program. When the truth came out, he did everything he could to help his wife. Even if that meant nearly dying.

The same went for Camila. He felt responsible for her brother's death and got caught up in a downward spiral of self destruction.

But Hailey, she was different. When she first joined the unit she was a lot like him. Playing by the book, following the rules. But as the years went by, she started to forget her morals.

He loved his job, but that Unit was tearing everyone apart. It had already cost Al's life, Antonio's sobriety and now Hailey's soul.

Within a few minutes he was already outside her home. As soon as he parked, he spotted her tiny figure exiting the house carrying her suitcase. It was true. She was going to leave without saying a word.

He stayed in his car for a couple of seconds debating whether or not to confront her or give her the space she wanted.

No! Screw space. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.

He got out of the car and slammed the door behind him forcing Hailey to notice him.

"Jay!" she exclaimed in shock as her heart accelerated to near overload.

"So it is true. When were you going to tell me about this," he asked frustrated motioning at her luggage.

"Jay," she swallowed hard, caught somewhere between embarrassment and sorrow. "I was going to call you as soon as I landed in NY."

"Not a single goodbye?" he asked as he walked towards her, sadness written all over his face.

Hailey tilted her head upon seeing him so broken. It ached to know that she was the cause of it.

She sighed and let go of her suitcase's handle. She knew he wouldn't let her leave without an explanation.

"I didn't call or answer you calls, because I didn't know what to say to you. I screwed up, big time, and now I am paying for it. The problem is, you are paying for my mistakes too," she looked him straight into his green eyes, silently apologizing for everything he will go through because of her.

"I've told you before. I will always be here for you. Good or bad, right or wrong I will always stand by your side. Remember our thing? You said that it was what made our partnership work. Well, lately you don't talk to me anymore. You don't confide to me anymore. You act as a unit and not as a team," the disappointment was evident in his voice.

Hailey could feel the tears filling her blue eyes. "We are a team. We will always be a team. That is why I couldn't talk to you or see you. Because I knew you'd make me feel the way I am feeling right now. You'd make me not wanting to go."

Jay swallowed hard trying to process the impact of her words. Suddenly, he felt harsh and unfair.

He stepped forward standing a few inches away from her. With his right hand he stroke he hair away from her teary eyes. He always hated seeing her cry. He cupped her face tracing her cheekbone with one finger. Her skin warm under his palm.

She closed her eyes fighting back the tears as she tried to focus on his gentle touch.

"Just promise me one thing," his voice almost like a whisper as he withdrew his hand.

"Anything," she nodded giving him a hint of a smile.

"I won't be there to have your back. I won't be there to protect you so please don't do anything stupid out there. Please don't play hero," he pleaded in despair.

"I won't," she tried to reassure him but he knew all too well.

Of course she'd jump into action first chance she got. Of course she'd try to prove her worth. Of course she'd try to show Hank he was wrong about her.

"If I don't leave now I'll miss my flight," she diverted her look from his piercing eyes.

"Do you want me to drive you to the airport?" he eagerly volunteered.

"No need," she shook her head. "That's my cub waiting over there."

Jay turned his head to look at the taxi parked only a few feet away from them.

"Jay," Hailey softly said and placed her hand upon his heart. "I promise you, I'll be back before you know it. You have to promise me one thing too."

"Anything," he tried to smile at her.

"Promise me you'll wait for me and we'll finish that conversation we started at the hospital," she frowned her eyebrows hoping for a positive reply.

It had been three months since that day at the hospital. Her unspoken words had been haunting him for three whole months.

"Always," he whispered and softly placed a kiss on her forehead.

Once she removed her hand from his chest, he felt the cold breeze surrounding him. He folded his arms as if to protect his heart from the pain to come. The deafening silence of being left alone once again, hovered around him.

He thought that he wouldn't be strong enough to watch her leave. He was wrong. As soon as he heard the car's door close he turned around for one last look of her.

To his surprise, she was looking back at him too. Their eyes met as they tried to silently reassure each other. This was just another obstacle and it was only temporary. In a few weeks she'd be back to him.

He kept looking at the back of the taxi until it was out of his view. He looked down trying t o find the will to get into his car and drive back to the District. Back to being alone.

"She'll be back," he said to himself trying to shake away all of his doubts.

This scenario was all too familiar for him. Although he had done a damn good job hiding it, Erin's departure still hurt him. It hurt him that she threw away everything that they had built. It hurt him that she never attempted to contact him. It hurt him that she had stopped caring.

At least this time, he got his Goodbye. He got his closure. No! This wasn't closure. This wasn't the end. He was willing to fight for this story.

"She'll be back," he repeated to himself as he got back into his car. "Only two weeks to go."


	15. FBI Crossover

**Once again thank you all so much for your support and touching reviews. I really hope everyone is ok in this difficult time and you are all staying safe. My thoughts are to you all!**

* * *

24 hours.

It had been 24 hours since she'd last spoken to her partner. That was the longest they had been apart. Summer vacation, Christmas Holidays, personal days off work... nothing could ever keep them apart for long. Even when he was at the hospital after getting shot, she never left his side.

Even though Voight had always been a father figure to her, she couldn't help but resent his choice. All she ever did was follow his footsteps. Try to protect those she loves. Make him proud.

For the past 24 hours she had been trying to pinpoint the exact moment where she went too far. Was is Gael? Was it Darius? Or was it Angela?

No one ever found out about her encounter with Angela after she was released from the hospital. Jay almost died because of her and she was not willing to let his future in the force depend on her good will.

So, one night she paid her a little visit. There was no yelling involved. She just made it crystal clear that if she even dared to think about betraying Jay, she would destroy her life and never see her son again. She never felt sorry for her or the kid. All that mattered, was keeping her partner safe.

So, there she was now, sitting all alone in a cold hotel room in New York.

She always dreamed about visiting NY, just not this way.

Her bucket list included visiting the MET Museum. Attending a theater show on Broadway. Pay her respects at Ground Zero. Go on top of the Empire State Building. But none of that mattered right now. All those things that once made her happy now seemed unimportant. She would settle for the simplest enjoy such as hearing Jay's voice.

She checked her watch and debated whether or not to call him. He was clearly worried about her since he had left about tem messages already.

She missed him so much yet, she couldn't bring herself to press the call button. Hearing his soothing voice would make her realize how much she missed home. No, she needed to be strong. She needed to be professional and get this over with.

So, she settled for a simple text.

**_"Goodnight partner! Sorry to break it to you, but NY seems pretty cool. I might consider moving here. "_**

The moment she pressed the Send button she regretted her subtle joke. How could she forget that Erin left him for NY?No explanation, no goodbyes, she simply emptied her apartment and left. She never understand why she did that to him. Why break him down like that? Yes, we hurt the ones we love, but that was plain brutal.

**_"Don't worry, I was just joking. I'd never leave you. We're good together, remember?"_**

She meant every word of that sentence. She would never willingly leave him. She trusted Jay from the very first minute she laid eyes on him.

She closed the curtains of her room and laid back on the bed. She was so tired that she didn't even take off her clothes before crushing. Just her shoes.

As much as she hated to admit, hanging out with OA turned out to be fan. He seemed like a descend guy who had awfully a lot in common with Jay.

Both served as Rangers in the army. Both driven by their instincts. Both quite charming. There was no denying it, OA was a handsome man and any other day she would consider flirting with him.

Oh God, she rubbed her eyes. She had a type in men!

No, that was not true. Yes, she might flirt with guys like OA but that didn't mean she was in for a serious relationship. Just like Adam. All there was, was just meaningless sex.

She had forgotten when was the last time she had sex. She could be out there, hitting New York's night clubs for a one night stand, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

As stupid as it sounded, she felt like she'd be cheating on let out a deep sigh trying to shake those thoughts away. He wasn't her boyfriend. He was her partner, her best friend. Friend without benefits, so she was allowed to sleep with other men.

She shook her head and smiled. She knew deep down inside that there was no other man that would make her feel the way he did. Her cheeks flushed every time he looked at her with those piercing blue eyes. Her heart beat accelerated every time he touched her. A smile formed on her lips every time he texted her.

Had she ever thought about sleeping with him? Of course she had. Countless nights she restrained herself from knocking on his door for a simple one night stand.

She often had vivid dreams of his warm lips claiming hers. His rough hands exploring her naked body. His hot breath against her bare skin.

But she knew deep down inside that it wouldn't be just a one night stand. Both she and Jay would want more and she wasn't sure whether they were ready for it.

So, the best she could do was lie and bury her feelings from anyone around her. Even if Jay could always see right through her, she had mastered the art of concealing her love.

Would she ever find the courage to come out? She didn't know. Jay and herself were two different sides of the same coin.

She had enough traumatic experiences of her own, she didn't know if she could handle his as well. He was driven by his heart, she was drive, by her mind. He played by the book, she played dirty. He wanted to save all innocents, she wanted to destroy all guilty. He loved people too easily, she loved her job.

She kept on trying too hard to convince herself that they were not a good match, but all her doubts disappeared once she got a text back from him.

**_"Miss you partner. They better treat you well or else I am coming over."_**

And there it was, the power he had all over her. A simple message from him and her whole face glowed.

She licked her lips and placed her phone close to her heart.

_Shit, _shemuttered.

It looked like she was driven by her heart too. She couldn't lie to herself anymore. She didn't just love him, she was in love with him.

She slowly closed her eyes with the phone still in hands.

_One down, 13 more days to go_, she whispered to herself and drifted away with Jay in mind.


	16. 7x19

**I will never stop thanking you for you support and kind comments. I know I am not that good of a writer, but I try :(. Thank you all so much.**

**I hope everyone is healthy and safe in this difficult time. Be patient. I hope this nightmare will be over soon.**

* * *

Hailey had been gone for 13 days. Well, actually 13 days, 10 hours and 43 minutes. But who was counting?

Jay had mastered the art of pretending he was handling her absence well. At least he thought he had but some signs were hard to miss by the rest of the team. He couldn't help but check his phone every few minutes for a text or a call from her. He'd unconsciously take subtle glances at her empty desk. His whole posture would change every time her name came up in a conversation.

Everyone knew he missed her terribly by the way he even avoided to mention her name.

Jay crashed on his couch the minute he entered his apartment, Trudy's words weighing down on him. He was too exhausted to even grab a beer from the fridge. Not physically, but emotionally.

Why the hell did Trudy have to poke his wound? Why did she have to uncover his hidden fear?

Of course he was afraid that his partner would never come back. That FBI would find a way to keep her In NY.

Yes, Hailey was born and raised in Chicago and was emotionally connected to their city. But, she wasn't known for letting her emotions interfere with her job. If the opportunity rose, she would definitely grab it.

After all, that was what Erin also did.

God he hated New York. Losing a woman to a better man, that was understandable. But losing to a whole city, that was unbeatable.

He rubbed his face and let out a deep sigh. Why did he always do that?

He was doing perfectly normal during the first few days. He ate and slept and functioned in detective mode as always. Lately though, his mind was always set on her and could not concentrate without her presence around.

The longer she stayed in NY, the more things she found she was fond of. She got used to the weather, the traffic, the people, the food. What if she got used to working with a new partner?

Jay felt like he needed her more than she needed him.

In the past, he never needed anyone. He'd been a loner most of his life, whether by choice or necessity. He had learned the hard way not to make attachments. He was always good at keeping everyone at arm's length. He just wasn't obvious about it. He hid his pain, tears, fears and loneliness behind cocky smiles and confident body language.

When he came back from war, he found comfort in drinking. No drugs or smoking, just drinking. Vodka was his poise.

He had lost count how many he had blacked out. How many times he got into bar fights. How many one night stands he had. How many times he woke up on a cold bench. He wasn't proud of those years. In fact, he never talked about it to anyone, apart from Mouse.

Even though he wasn't a deeply religious person, he couldn't help but wonder why God had kept him alive. He could have died during the war. He could have died at least five times as a detective. In a miraculous way though, he was still around and good people like Olinksi were not given a second chance.

He felt like he owed to the Universe for keeping him alive. That is why he always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sometimes he wished he was like Voight. He wished he could turn off his switch and not feel anything. On the other hand though, that switch was what made him a good man and a damn good detective.

Hailey though….. well, his partner was too close to following their Sergeant's footsteps. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to find a way and guide her towards the light cause she was spending too much time in the shadows.

God, he desperately needed her back, for both their sakes.

He stood right there on the couch for a few more minutes debating whether or not to grab that beer he had been craving, or go straight to bed.

Hailey hadn't responded to any of his messages that day and it drove him mad. If she was in any kind of danger, they would have informed them.

_No_! He shook his head in denial. No news is good news, he thought to himself trying to shake the negative thoughts.

Finally, he decided it was time to go straight to bed. He checked his phone for one last time and sighed in disappointment. There was no goodnight message from her tonight.

So, he picked himself up and dragged his tired body to his bedroom.

Before he had time to take a few steps, he was startled by a knock at the door.

_What the hell? _

He muttered and approached the door.

"Who is it?" he asked loudly.

There was no response. He tried to take a peek through the eye but someone was blocking it.

In full detective mode, he took out his gun from his jacket, opened the door and shoved the weapon into the stranger's face.

"I could make a joke like '_is this your gun or are you happy to see me?_' But yeap, that is definitely your gun in my face. Nice welcome partner!"

For the first time in 13 days Jay heard Hailey's hysterical laughter.

He lowered his gun and stared into her blue eyes. He slowly reached his hand caressed he warm cheek. It was actually her. She was standing in front of his in the flesh.

He smiled in surprise and quickly drew her for a long hug. Their first hug in like….ever.

At first, Hailey was startled by the sudden intimate expression but then she put her left hand around his neck and drew him even closer.

Jay buried his face in her hair. Oh, he had missed that scent.

Finally, they broke the embrace and Hailey handed him the pizza she was holding with her right hand.

"NY pizza sucks," she grimaced and walked into the apartment "so, I brought us some good old fashioned deep dish! I didn't bring beers cause I figured you are never out of beers."

Jay smiled happily and closed the door behind him.

"Are you back for good?" he asked secretly fearing her response.

Hailey walked straight towards the kitchen and helped herself with two bottles of beer. Then, she followed Jay to the living room.

"Of course I am back for good. It was supposed to be for two weeks and the two weeks are over. Simple as that."

She opened the bottles and sat on the couch right next to Jay. She handed him the beer, their fingers subtly caressing each other.

"Cheers to that," Jay raised his bottle and took a long sip.

Hailey looked at him and smiled wickedly. "You were afraid that I was not coming back, weren't you?"

"No," Jay shook his head in denial and grimaced. He was never good at lying to her.

"Yes you were," the petit blonde laughed out loud and punched him on the shoulder.

"Good partners are hard to find, that's all. I was in no mood to search for a new one," Jay awkwardly smiled.

They stood there for a few seconds staring in each other eyes. It was their magic way of communicating. Their looks spoke volumes without uttering a single word.

She studied his face and it was written all over his eyes. He had missed her. But he was too damn proud to admit it.

Part of her felt hurt that Jay actually thought she was capable of such thing. Capable of choosing another job over him. Capable of abandoning him.

"It's going to take a lot more than a fancy suit and a big city to take me away from you, " she gave him her most reassuring smile. "And just for the record, I missed you too partner."

She winked at him and took a long sip from her bottle. Just like that, effortlessly, they were back to being partners and friends. Two people who deeply cared and loved each other. All they had to do now, was find a way to explore and express that mutual love.


	17. Quarantine Day 1

**Once again, you support and kind words are simply touching.S8 is a long way from now and I have decided to let the Upstead fire burn - at least for the next couple of chapters. I hope you all enjoy this.**

**Stay safe everyone and we will soon return to our lives!**

* * *

Quarrantine!

God, he hated that word and all the correlations that came along with it.

Last time the city was on quarantine, Hailey spent most of her time at the hospital.

At least now, all they were asked to do was just stay at home until further notice.

The timing couldn't be worse. Just when Hailey got back, COVID-19 happened. It seemed like the Universe was trying really hard to keep them apart.

Of course he understood the gravity of the situation and Will kept him posted on a daily basis about what was going on at the hospital. He was worried about his brother but unfortunately there was nothing he could do to help.

Day 1 was nearly over. His mind was going crazy by not doing anything. He swept the apartment clean – his mother would have been so proud. He threw away all the garbage, did all his laundry, organized alphabetically his movie collection, organized his clothes by color and just as he was about to water his plants, he realized he didn't have any. What wouldn't he give to do some gardening right now. Well, do anything in fact.

The sun was set and he could hear the chilling wing howling outside his window. Suddenly, a few lightings lit up the sky forshadowing a big storm.

_Movie weather, _he thought and started browsing through his blu-rays.

Before he could make up his mind, his phone rang. To his surprise, it was Hailey. He silently wished she was calling to tell him they had a case but he instantly regrettedit. A case would equal one or more death bodies. No, he surely didn't want that.

"Hey partner," he answered the phone.

"Hey," Hailey hesitantly answered back. "Listen, I was thinking about this whole quarantine thing, well Vanessa and I actually, and we thought you could spend it with us. You know, at our house."

"Emmm," Jay lost his words for a second since that was the last thing he expected. "I don't know if that is a good idea. I mean, this thing could go on for weeks. Are you sure you can handle me for such a long time?"

"Yes," Hailey laughed. "Look, the house is big enough, we have 2.5 bathrooms and you'll sleep on the couch. Come on, I bet you are going crazy staying at home."

"I am not," Jay said in the high pitched voice that was evident he was lying.

"Oh no? Send me a photo of your house."

"Why?"

"Because I know or a fact that by now you' ll have everything cleaned and organized by name, color and size. If I am wrong I'll leave you alone, but if I am right, you are getting your ass right here and now."

Jay took a look around his house and hated the fact that she knew him that well.

"Well?" she kept teasing him.

"Fine," Jay let out a sigh of defeat. "My ass and I will be there in an hour."

"See you soon partner," Hailey laughed all too excited and hang up the phone.

Hailey, Vanessa and him in the same house for who knows how long. That would be a first.

He quickly packed a duffle bag, trying not to over think the situation and soon hit the road.

Punctual as usual, he was knocking at their door an hour later.

"Hey roomy," Hailey answered the door wearing black sweat pants and an oversized grey t-shirt. Her hair, gathered up in a messy pony tail.

"Hey," Jay slowly walked in as a deafening thunder made them both jump.

"Wow, it looks like it is going to be one hell of a storm," Hailey remarked as she closed the door behind them.

"Where can I leave this?" Jay pointed at his duffle bag.

"I am going to sleep with Vanessa in her room so you can have mine."

"No," Jay shook his head. "The deal was for me to sleep on the couch. I am not putting you out of your own room."

"It's fine. She has a king size bed after all."

"No," he shook his head again. "It's either the couch or I am going back home."

Hailey frowned her eyebrows and bit her gums. "Fine you spoiled little brat, you can have the couch."

Jay smiled in victory and walked towards the living room. He kind of missed Hailey's old house and the drinks they used to share in her kitchen.

He avoided visiting her after she and Vanessa moved to this house. He didn't want the new Detective to get the wrong impression about them.

As he walked past the stairs he couldn't help but notice the three photos at display. Those weren't there the last time he visited. But there it was now. In a big red frame, a photo of them and Ruzek.

He smiled subtly and moved towards the living room.

"As you remember, there are two master bathrooms upstairs and a wc downstairs. You can use my bathroom when you want to takeshower," she diverted her look to the upstairs floor.

"Where is Vanessa?" Jay asked looking around and crashed on the couch.

"She went over to visit a friend," Hailey replied and sat on the armchair opposite to him.

"At this hour?" he asked in curiosity.

"Yeah, you see he is THAT kind of a friend. She might not even come back tonight."

"Oh," Jay exclaimed in surprise. "So we are home alone, the two of us," he said with a wicked smile.

Hailey smiled back and bit her lip. "It seems so."

They stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds until they were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Are you expecting someone?" Jay asked secretly hoping that she hadn't invited anyone else.

Hailey got up and walked towards the door. "It's just pizza. I figured, since we can't go out and get that pizza you promised me, we can eat it here."

Jay smiled in relief and walked towards the kitchen. This was just two partners hanging out. Why was he worried about someone else crashing their sleep over? Did he secretly have other expectations? After all she was the one to invite him and Vanessa was conveniently not at home.

He shook his head in denial. He was reading too much out of it.

Hailey walked into the kitchen, pizzas in hands. Jay opened the cupboard and took out two plates. He didn't even have to ask. In a weird way, he knew exactly where to look.

He couldn't explain why, but he felt like he was home. His home. Standing in that kitchen with Hailey by his side felt all too familiar. It felt right, like he was meant to be there. It was a unique feeling for Jay, someone who never felt he belonged anywhere. He could get used to that feeling.

Soon, they were both sitting side by side on the couch, sharing the same blanket, eating pizza, drinking beer and watching for the 100th time Lethal Weapon.

Jay wished he could freeze time at that moment, because it was the first time in a long time that he actually felt happy. Did it have to do with the moment or the person he was sharing it with?

Who was he kidding? Of course it had to do with her. Her scent was familiar and calming and the warmth of her body was sinking into him.

He wanted to place his arm around her and draw her closer, but he knew that they were not there yet.

At some point, Hailey joked about how much in common they had with the characters in the movie.

"You are so Murtaugh and I am Riggs," she laughed hysterically.

"What?" Jay squinted his eyes. "No, I am Riggs. I am the cool, rugged, handsome YOUNG guy."

"No, no, no," Hailey carried on teasing. "You are sooo Murtaugh. Always playing by the book, neat freak not to mention that you have this whole 'dad' vibe. You are always such a dad around kids. Me? I am the loose cannon. Breaking the rules and not caring about the consequences. I think that the latest events are a glorified proof. That, and the fact that I also have blue eyes and great hair."

Jay tried to smile but failed. He had been wanting to ask for so long but wondered if that was the right time.

Finally, he swallowed hard and went for it.

"Do you regret it?" he asked in an almost inaudible voice.

Hailey turned around to look at him. "Regret what?"

"Your actions. The ones that led you to New York."

The petit Detective let out a deep sigh. They were having so much fun. Why did he have to poke her like that?

She diverted her look back on the Tv and responded bluntly. "No!"

Jay closed his eyes in disappointment and also turned his head towards the Tv. How could she not feel any regret? A man was dead because of her. Surely, he was guilty as hell but her actions led to his brutal demise. And then, she had to tamper with evidence to force an arrest.

Silent tension started to fill the atmosphere. Both of them could feel it. Both of them desperately avoiding to discuss it.

Finally, Jay was the one to break the awkward silence.

"You know Voight won't tolerate any more instabilities."

"Instabilities?" Hailey raised her voice and looked at him in anger. "I only did what _HE_ would have done."

"Hailey," he looked straight into her eyes, his voice almost like a plea. "Voight is Voight. He can get out of any mess. You can't! I can't! No one of us can! Too many people have been after our unit. Do you want to be the reason they shut us down? And forget about the unit. This isn't you. The Hailey I know wouldn't want blood on her hands."

The blonde Detective stood up in anger.

"You know Jay, whether you like it or not, this is me. This has always been me. You just couldn't see it."

"Oh I see you," he leaned his body forward. "I could always see you. You are a good person and a good detective. If you carry on with this attitude they will come after you. Trust me, I've seen this before."

"Well Jay, I am not Erin," she snapped back, her voice as cold as ice. "I am not another defenseless woman you can save. "

"That's not fair," he shook his head deeply hurt by her words.

"I don't need saving. I have been saving myself ever since I was a kid. I didn't have a knight in shining armor to swoop me away. I only had myself. I do what I have to do to get things done."

"I am trying to save you?" Jay stood up in frustration. "You were the one always pushing me to go to therapy and work my shit out. You were the one always telling me that I get to close to cases. You were the one to agree to take me off my father's case. And you have the nerve to tell me that I am the one trying to save you?"

"I did what I had to do to protect you. You get too emotional. Our job is to catch the criminals, not pamper the victims. I would rather have a murderer's or a dealer's blood on my hands than yours," she pointed her finger right to his still healing shoulder wound.

"This is exactly what I am saying," he raised his hand anger. "I am not trying to save you, I am trying to protect you. "

"Protect me from what? Losing my job?" Hailey smiled ironically. "I'll get a new one. I am sure the FBI will welcome me back. Or is this your abandonment issues talking? You think I am going to pull an Erin and walk away? Erase you from my life forever? Are you really trying to protect _ME_, or yourself?"

"That's not fair," Jay whispered clearly hurt by her words.

That was a hit below the belt. He never expected such a brutal attack coming from her.

"What's not fair is the fact that Erin screwed you so much, that you are not even trying anymore. You wake up, you come to work and that's about it. You are incapable of emotionally committing to anyone. No matter how hard you try to hide it, you are hollow inside."

Her blue eyes were piercing his green. Her words were a knife straight to his heart. Taking a bullet surely didn't hurt that much.

_'Incapable of emotionally committing to anyone'_? How could she say that? How could she not see right through him? How he smiled every time someone mentioned her name. How his heartbeat accelerated whenever she walked into a room. How his body heated when her skin touched his. How his pupils dilated whenever he looked at her. How he was madly falling in love with her.

"That's my queue to leave," he softly said as his eyes stared the floor in defeat.

Hailey closed her eyes and shook her head as if she was in some kind of a trance. What the hell got into her?How could she say such awful things to him?

He was right all along. This wasn't her. She could never live with a dirty consciousness. She could never risk the Unit's future. She could never hurt her partner like that.

Jay put on his shoes, grabbed his jacket from the chair, his duffle bag and walked towards the front door without making any eye contact with her.

"Jay, wait," she yelled and ran towards him grabbing his upper hand before opening the door.

"I am sorry," she apologized in a broken voice, hot tears filling her red eyes. "Please, I am sorry. I don't' know what got into me."

Jay turned around and looked into her teary eyes. He dropped his duffle bag and cupped her face with his right hand, his thumb brushing away the tears.

Hailey closed her eyes and rested her head into his palm, her left hand landing on top of his.

Slowly, he reached his left hand and placed it behind her neck, drawing her face closer to his. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, lingering there for a moment savoring the feeling.

Then, he pressed his forehead against hers as she finally opened her eyes and she met his piercing gaze.

"For what is worth," he whispered to her as if he was sharing a secret. "I do love you! You are my partner and I will always love you."

"For what is worth," Hailey added. "The only reason I came back, was you. You are my partner and I will always come back to you!"

That was all they needed to hear. Soon they were back on that couch as if the harsh words they exchanged were never said.

Just like that, the storm was over and the sun rose for Day 2 of quarantine.

**_To be continued..._**


	18. Quarantine Day 2

**I decided to go along with the whole Quarantine storylines. September is a long way from now and I need something - other than work - to keep me busy and happy. Hope you like it. I have a couple of ideas but feel free to pinch in.**

**As always, stay safe!**

* * *

Jay woke up when a ray of sun peaking through the drapes hit his eyes. He moaned softly and rubbed his face clearly disorientated. Where was he?

He slowly opened his eyes and took a look at his surroundings. Then, the scent of the freshly washed blanket that was covering his body refreshed his memory. He was at Hailey's house.

What time was it? How did he manage to sleep through the night? For the first time in a long time, his demons stayed hidden in their lair.

He was thankful for that. He didn't want Hailey to witness him in his most vulnerable state. Shivering and crying in his sleep while covered in sweat. She was strong, but surely not ready for that.

Then, the smell reached his nostrils. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes savoring the aroma of hot coffee and home baked pancakes.

He removed the blanket and got up. He respected the fact that he was a guest and preferred to sleep in his sweatpants and not just his boxers.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Hailey was heard from the kitchen across the room.

That was a sight of her he had never seen before. She was standing over a frying pan making pancakes, wearing a Daisy Duck apron on top her oversized hoody.

"No, you didn't wake me," he rubbed his eyes. "What time is it? I feel like I overslept."

"It's 8:30,» Hailey responded and placed the pancakes on a plate.

"What's all this?" Jay laughed and pointed at the rich breakfast placed on the counter.

Coffee, blueberry pancakes, croissants, cereals, a bottle of milk and a bottle of orange juice.

"This is an '_I am sorry I was such an asshole last night'_ breakfast," she looked straight into his eyes visibly ashamed and regretful.

"Hailey," he softly said as he approached her. "Forget about last night. We are good."

His blonde partner nodded and smiled. She hated herself for what she had said the previous night. She didn't even mean any of the words that came out of her mouth.

She guessed the saying was true. We hurt the ones we love. Yes, she did love him. Was it platonic? Friendship? Parntership? Romantic? She didn't even know how to label it and she wasn't sure if their relationship needed a label. It was real. That was the only thing that mattered.

"Vanessa is not back yet?" Jay asked looking around.

"No," Hailey smiled. "She called me saying she will be staying there for the rest of day. I guess she ishaving more fun than us."

Go Reyes," Jay laughed .

"Did you sleep well on the couch?" she asked concerned.

"Sure," he nodded.

"Look, if this quarantine thing goes on, you can always sleep in my bed,"Hailey offered.

"I told you already. I fine on the couch. I am not putting you out of your own bedroom," he said and took her mug from her hands to take a sip of coffee.

"I didn't say I'd leave the bedroom," she responded with a hint of mischief in her voice.

Jay almost choked at the sound of that.

"What do you mean?" he asked and wiped the dripping coffee from his chin.

"I have a king size bed. We are both adults, I am sure we can share a bed for a couple of day," she explained.

"I am not sure that's wise," Jay frowned his forehead skeptically.

"Why? " Hailey raised her shoulders puzzled. "Do you snore? Sleepwalk? Talk in your sleep? Toss and turn?"

Jay laughed and scratched his head. "No, neither of all that. It's just…. I am fine sleeping on the couch. Let's leave it that for now."

Hailey looked at him surprised. What was he so afraid of? She was giving him the green light but he chose to stand still.

Did he want to sleep with her? Of course he did. He often dreamed about holding her in his hands. Running his fingers through her hair. Smelling her scent on his pillow. But not like this. He didn't trust himself. He could feel how vulnerable Hailey was feeling due to the latest events and he was in no way willing to take advantage of that. He was there as her partner and friend.

"I'll just go take a quick shower before we eat," he quickly changed the subject and started looking into his duffle bag for clean clothes.

"You can use my bathroom upstairs," She pointed with her finger the upper floor.

Jay moved quickly to the second floor and entered her bedroom. Apart from the day he helped them move in, he had never seen the interior of her bedroom. Suddenly, he felt like he was invading her private space.

He couldn't help but take a peak at his surroundings. It smelled like vanilla and lavender. The walls were dark beige and a king size bed filled the room. He picked up the frame that was placed on her night stand and instantly a smile formed on his lips. It was a photo of them together at his birthday party.

He placed it down and walked towards her bathroom. That was when he realized that he had forgotten to bring towels with him.

"Hey Hailey?" he shouted.

"Yeah?"

"I am sorry to ask, but I completely forgot to bring towels. Can I borrow yours?"

"Sure! Just open the right closet. You can find them on the top self."

He was giving him permission to go through her closet. That was oddly intimate and unlike of her. She usually didn't like others going through her stuff.

He slowly opened the closet as if he was scared of the boogy man creeping inside. He wasn't exactly sure what he was afraid of. It was just a closet…. With clothes. Yeah, clothes and probably underwear too. That's what he was afraid of.

He finally opened it and to his relief, it was only a few shelves with folded clothes. He picked up his gaze and spotted the towels, on the top shelf as described.

He grabbed a red one but as he was about to close the door he noticed something that did not belong there.

A sheer plastic bag from Chicago Med that contained a grey t-shirt. His t-shirt to be exact. The one that he was wearing when he got shot a few months ago.

He removed it from the bag and with trembling hands he run his fingers on the blood stains.

"Hey," Hailey said in a soft voice as she entered the room startling Jay. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't hear the water running and I thought you needed help with something."

"No," he shook his head and tried to fold the t-shirt back in the bag. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I just happened to notice this in your closet."

Hailey's eyes landed on the bloody t-shirt and a knot formed on her throat.

"I've been meaning to give that back to you." She bit her lips awkwardly . "I just never found the right moment."

Jay scoffed in surprise. "I don't know what I am supposed to do with it. I almost died wearing this."

"I know," the petit detective paused for a second. "Honestly, I never planned on giving it back to you. I kept it as a constant reminder that I came really close to losing you. I should have knocked some sense out of you. I should have never let you leave that crime scene alone. I should have never let you go back to Angela alone. Generally, I should never leave you alone. "

"You don't trust me to make smart decisions?" Jay smiled sadly to defuse the tension.

"I don't trust you to keep yourself safe. You always put others above you. So, it is my job as your partner to always watch your back. Never let you out of sight," her blue eyes pierced his green.

"You know, that works both ways. Like I said last night, we protect each other. And I don't do it because it is my job. I do it because I care about you."

Once again, they stood for a few seconds just staring at each other. It was like they were having one of their silent conversations. Only this time, it was a silent 'I want to keep you safe because I love you' from both sides.

"Keep it, burn it, I don't care. I am here and not going anywhere. I promise you!" he placed the t-shirt on her bed and walked in the bathroom.

Hailey reluctantly picked it up and gently brushed her thumb on the bullet hole. She immediately felt that awful sensation down her spine. Fear! Sometimes, when she looked down at her hands, she could still see them covered in his cold blood.

She shivered, tossed the t-shirt back in the closet and headed back downstairs.

By now she was used to having a roommate but there was no denying it. She enjoyed having Jay around. It was weird how quickly she got accustomed to his presence.

The rest of the day went by quickly. They went to the super market and fought over which cookies to buy. As soon as they got home they fought over who was the best cook. During their evening coffee, they fought over the twinkies. As expected, during scrabble they fought over made up words and late at night they fought over which movie to watch.

Jay had fallen asleep long before the movie was over. She covered him with her blanket and gently run her fingers through his hair. He looked so peaceful.

She bit her lips and sighed, wondering if she should tell him the truth about what she found out in NY. He deserved to know. It would give him the closure he had been looking for. Was he ready for it though?

The 3rd day of quarantine would show!


	19. Quarantine Day 3

**Thank you all so much for your kind words. English is not my native language and I know I must have a bunch of mistakes in the stories I write. But I am so moved by the fact that you ignore them and chose to support my try. You are all truly amazing. Believe me when I say that I try my best to write in the best way possible the stories that I have in my mind. **

**You are the best fandom ever!**

* * *

It was day 3 and they were still in quarantine.

There were only so many things they could do in the house, but hey made a pact. They would never allow themselves to get bored. So, they helped each other with the household chores, they went grocery shopping together, played video games, played board games, each one picked up a book and worked out together. If they felt like they were running out of options, the living room looked like needing repainting.

Vanessa only stayed for a couple of hours and then decided to go back to her secret boyfriend. Had she already missed him? No! She just wanted to give the two partners some privacy.

The clock was striking 7pm and according to their daily program, that meant dinner time.

Jay volunteered to play the chef since Hailey cooked earlier in the day.

He wasn't known for his cooking skills, but man did he know how to cook a mean pasta with sausages and red sauce. It was his favorite meal growing up and he regretted not spending more time with his mom to learn how to make it like she used to.

The smell of the hot sauce woke up memories. Happy memories from his childhood home.

"Hmm this smells delicious," Hailey took a long sniff as she entered the kitchen.

"It's almost ready," Jay tasted his creation with a wooden spoon and turned off the stove.

"How come you've never cooked for me before?" she approached him from behind and rested her chin on his upper arm in order to take a peak.

That simple gesture took him by surprise making him nearly drop the spoon.

"Well, you've never invited me to your house before," he said and walked away from her touch to grab the plates.

"That's not true. You've been at me house plenty of time," she protested.

"Yes, by choice. Not because you invited me," he pointed the spoon at her direction to make his point.

"In that case, you've never invited me either partner," she crossed her arms over her chest in defense.

"No woman wants to be invited to a man cave. You deserve a proper dinner with let's say…. Candles," he took out the matchbox and lighted the red stick candles on the dining table.

"Some music," he pressed play on his phone and soon the soundtrack of Game of Thrones, both their favorite show, started playing.

"Ok, if this thing starts playing the Rains of Castamere I am out of here," she laughed out loud.

"Don't worry my lady," he joked. The Lannisters won't be sending their regards tonight."

Soon, the table was set and they were eating and laughing their hearts out. To both of them, it looked like a staged date but both chose to ignore the signs.

All Jay wanted, was to please her. He knew that the only reason she invited him over was because she was worried about him being alone. What did he ever do to deserve her patience and tenacity? He had kept secrets from her and pushed her away whenever things got complicated. But she never abandoned him.

Truth be told though, the same went for him too. He always stood by her side. Right or wrong, good or ugly she could always place some of her burden on his shoulders.

A bottle of bottle later and they were already giggling over the silliest things. After all, that was all she needed. Some liquid boost to drive the conversation to where she wanted.

"Can I ask you something?" she hesitantly asked and took a long sip of wine.

"Anything," Jay nodded.

"If Erin came back one day, what would you do?"

That question was unexpected and felt like a knife through his heart.

"What do you mean?" he asked awkwardly and rubbed his light beard with his fingers.

"Would you consider picking up where you left from?"

Jay stared at his glass for a couple of seconds before answering.

"She left without saying a single word, without looking back. She never answered any of my calls. We haven't spoken to each other in three years. I am not the man I was and sure enough she can't be the woman she left."

No matter how hard he tried to hide it, the pain and sorrow were evident in his voice. In their three year partnership he had never mentioned her name or recalled any memory of her.

"Are you still in love with her?" Hailey knew she was walking on thin ice but she had to know.

Jay gave her a sad smile and looked straight into her blue eyes.

"Honestly? No!" he firmly stated. "I love her, I care about her but I am not in love with her. Not any more."

That was all the confirmation she needed. She took another long sip of wine and swallowed hard.

"Jay, there is something I have been meaning to tell you ever since I got back from NY."

"What?" his green eyes squinted in curiosity.

"Erin somehow found out that I was in NY and she called me. "

"Ok," Jay lowered his head and leaned back on the chair with his arms crossed.

"We ended up going out for dinner," she reluctantly went on.

"Is she still working for the FBI?"

"Yes, but she is on a long leave right now."

"Erin on a leave? Well, that's a first," he widened his eyes in surprise.

"Actually," Hailey bit her lip before finishing the sentence. "She is on maternity leave."

Jay's lips parted slightly in shock. His features froze and it was evident that for a second there, he caught his breath.

"Good for her," he cleared his throat and filled his glass with more wine. "Is she married?"

"No," Hailey shook her head. "At least not for now. She is engaged and they will be getting married after the baby is born."

She hated seeing him like that. Maybe it wasn't the eight time to drop the bomb after all.

"Who's the groom?"

"Her partner. From what she said it was love at first sight. He stood by her side and supported her from the first day she arrived in NY."

"That's good," he frowned his eyebrows and nodded. "Does Voight know?"

Hailey looked at him clearly avoiding to answer.

"Of course he knows," Jay scoffed.

"He is going to be the baby's godfather. Look Jay, I am sure Voight was planning on telling you at some point. But with you getting shot and everything, maybe he decided to wait a little longer."

"Was she happy?" Jay let out s deep sigh.

"I don't know her that well, but she genuinely seemed happy to me. She seemed calm. She also asked about you."

Jay picked up his gaze at the sound of that. "What did you say?"

"You know, that you are a pain in the ass and I can't wait to move to NY to get away from you," she joked to lighten the tension.

"Very funny," Hay forced a smile.

"I told her that you are good. I also told her that by leaving, she game the greatest opportunity ever. To have YOU as my partner. I wouldn't change that for anything in the world."

Jay looked deep into her eyes and he knew that she meant every single word. Truth was, he felt the same way.

He should be sad, devastated and heartbroken over Erin but he wasn't. He could have been the father of that baby, but now he wasn't sure he wanted it. He was happy with her bliss. It wasn't meant for them to end up together, he could see it know.

Proposing would end up being another huge mistake which he was glad he avoided. He didn't want to propose to her because he loved her. He wanted to propose because he felt like he owed her. It wasn't love, it was duty.

But sitting opposite to his blonde partner put his mind in thoughts. Was it duty that he was feeling for her too? No! It was definitely love. His heart could lie anymore.

"I would never change you either," he reached his arm, took her hand in his and gently kissed it. "From now on, no more secrets, no more lies. We are one!"

"We are one," she repeated and winked at him.

Nothing more needed to be said. Sometimes the silence speaks volumes. Sometimes it feels better not to talk at all. About anything.

They spent the rest of the evening curled on the couch watching a horror movie. They completely lost track of time and didn't even realize that they fell asleep together.

He was lying with his back on the couch while his hands were wrapped around her. She was sleeping right there, between his legs in the comfort of his strong arms.

Suddenly, she shifted slightly causing him pull her even closer.

"I love you," she muttered in her sleep and surrendered to his embrace.

"I love you too," he sleepily whispered and softly kissed her forehead before drifting off.


	20. Quarantine Day 4

**I am really sorry for late update but work has been keeping me too busy. **

** MandyGordon since you asked, I am from Greece. I started writing 8 years ago. I finished my last story 5 years ago but took a along hiatius because I lost inspiration. I am glad I am finally over my writer's draft period and I owe it to Upstead. **

**Hope you all enjoy this and as always, can;t wait to hear your thoughts. **

* * *

The hot rays from the suns creeped through the curtains and landed on Hailey's cheek.

She moaned in pleasure but refused to open her eyes. It had been raining nonstop for days. so it actually felt pleasing to feel some warmth on her face.

She snuzzled into her pillow and smiled as she slowly opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. She frowned her eyebrows as she realized she was laying on her sofa.

It took her a few minutes, but then she remembered. She fell asleep on the sofa. She fell asleep, with him, on the sofa. Suddenly, his absence was evident. His body wasn't keeping her warm anymore. His rough hands were no longer wrapped around her. His scent was no longer sinking on her covers.

She turned around only to confirm the obvious. He was gone.

"Jay?" she softly said and lifted her body from the couch.

She took a quick look around but he was nowhere to be seen. She stood up, covered herself with the blanket because despite the sun, the house was still pretty chill, and walked towards his duffle bag.

His stuff was still there but his shoes were missing. Where was he?

She checked her watch and it was already 8:15am.

Maybe he had gone out for a run. Yes, that should be it. After all Jay loved his morning jog.

She shook her head trying to keep all the negative thoughts away and walked straight towards the kitchen. That was when she saw it.

A little note on the fridge saying,_ "Don't freak out, I am out to get some coffee. I somehow broke your coffee pot. Promise I'll buy you a new one."_

A slight giggle escaped her lips as she checked the broken pot still sitting on the counter. How on earth did he manage to break it? And how on earth did she not hear any of that?

Now that her mind could rest, she headed upstairs to get changed. Her mind wondered on how they could fill up day 4 of Quarantine.

She dreaded to say it out loud, but she loved having him around the house. She could get used to his presence. Actually, she already had.

She loved all his pet peeves. The numerous coffee mugs that he left lying in the house. His obsession with football. His endless list of "guys". His competitive nature.

But above all, his inability to accept the fact that Jon Snow did not sit on the throne. Oh, countless nights they had fought over Game of Thrones. Teams Daenerys V Team Jon Snow.

She smiled as she remembered their last debate but her train of thought was soon disturbed when she heard the front door close.

"Jay? Are you back?" she shouted.

"No, just me!" an all too cheerful Vanessa answered back.

The blonde detective ran back to the kitchen, now fully dressed in her sweatpants.

"Hey, long time no see roomie," she smiled at Reyes and gave her a long hug.

"I missed you too," Reyes smiled and slowly pulled away. "Why do I not smell coffee in here?"

"Well Jay, don't ask me how, broke the pot and he is out to get us some coffee," Hailey explained and sat on a stool by the counter.

"Oh let me guess. He is getting coffee just for you two, right?" Vanessa sat on the stool opposite to her and crossed her arms in frustration.

"Well we didn't know you were coming," Hailey tried to comfort her. "We thought you were having too much fun with your new boyfriend."

"I am having fun, don't get me wrong but…" she took a small pause to take off her jacket and sit more comfortably.

"But…." she continued "I was hoping you were having more fun!" she looked at her colleague with a wicked smile on her face.

"What do you mean?" Hailey squinted her eyes.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" Vanessa smiled at her again and crossed her finger in anticipation.

Hailey shook her head puzzled. "I don't know what you expect me to say."

"Anything?" she leaned forward, her eyes filled with hope.

"Again, I don't know what you want me to say," Hailey raised her shoulders in unawareness.

"Oh, come on!" Vanessa exclaimed in frustration. "I leave you dorks alone for three days and nothing happens?"

"What do you mean you left us alone?" Hailey straightened her back and crossed her arms in defense.

"Look, I am having fun with mark, really! But the only reason I chose to stay away for three days was to leave you guys some time alone."

Hailey smiled awkwardly. "Why would we need any time alone? We are together everyday, almost all day."

"I said ALONE," Reyes highlighted the word. "As in you and him. Not at the district. Not at Molly's. Not working a case. Just the two of you."

Hailey smirked and stood up nervously only to realize she had nowhere to go.

"I think I know what you have in mind, but you can forget it. It is not happening," she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Why not?" Reyes wondered in despair. "You love him. You can't deny that."

"Yes, I love him," her heart spoke quicker than her mind. "I love him as a partner."

Vanessa looked straight into her eyes and shook her head. "You can't lie to me. I know that look. I've had that look and it regarded men that I was in love with."

Hailey sighed and sat back on the stool. "Is it that obvious?" she softly asked.

Vanessa moved her stool closer to Hailey and placed her arm around her shoulder.

"Have you ever thought about it?"

"Thought about what?"

"Telling him!"

"No!" Hailey repeatedly shook her head in denial. "First of all, he is in no condition for a relationship right now. He cares too much about everyone else. It's time he should focus on himself Do some self exploring. But apart from that, the District is no place for romances. We have all been burnt. Even if we do get together, odds are we are going to break up within the first few months. How will we be able to work together after that? I don't want to ruin whatever relationship, friendship, partnership we have right now."

Reyes pulled her arm back. "It is understandable to be sacred. But maybe he had feelings for you too and he is afraid to express them for all the same reasons."

Hailey gave her a sad smile. "He doesn't feel the same way."

"How do you know?" Vanessa pressed back. "I notice things you know. No one has ever looked at me the way he looks at you. No one has ever cared about me the way he cares about you. I've heard the stories you know, about how he kept you safe last year in that van. He covered you with the vest and protected you with his body even if that meant completely exposing himself. I've seen the way he checks at you when you are not looking. No matter how hard you try to deny it, you dork are in love with each other."

Hailey placed her palm on her forehead. Hearing someone speaking the truth about how she felt made it real. They were in love with each other that that scared the crap out of her.

Maybe she had been lying to herself after all. All this time, she had been worrying about Jay not being ready for a relationship. The truth was though, that maybe she was the one that needed time. She was the one that needed some self exploring to do. Figure out what kind of cop she wanted to be. Did she want to become Voight or did she want to become someone Vought would be proud of?

Did she want to manipulate the rules or follow them? Did she want to become an honorable cop or just a shadow of her old self?

Then, she looked over her shoulder and took a glimpse at the photo of her and Jay. He was always there for her. Like he had once said, good or bad, right or wrong, he was always there to support her and give her a shoulder to share the burden.

Vanessa took Hailey's hand in hers. "Look, I didn't mean to upset you. Only you know what is best for you. Just keep in mind ; A minute too late might still be too late!"

Hailey got up and gave her colleague a long hug.

"I have faith," she whispered. "All will happen in good time."

Not long later, Jay entered with a brand new pot with one hand and three coffees placed in a paper case with the other.

He immediately walked towards the kitchen and handed Vanessa the one coffee with a cocky smile on his face.

"How did you now I was going to be here," she asked astonished.

"I saw your car parked outside, so I went back to get another coffee. So, the next time I forget to get you coffee remember this; I went all the way back, during quarantine time, out in the cold to get you coffee! Always remember this," Jay pointed with his finger towards the hot cup of coffee.

Vanessa looked over at Hailey. "I will never hear the end of this, will I?"

Hailey laughed and took a long sip out from her own cup of coffee.

As she stood there watching Jay and Vanessa banter over the silliest things she noticed the permanent smile on her face. A smile that formed as soon as Jay walked into the house.

There was no denying it. His presence made her happy and it was up to her to claim that feeling.

Vanessa decided to spend the day with her favorite detectives. Even though she wanted to give them some space, she missed their company.

Day 4 of Quarantine was filled with endless banters, hilarious jokes, loud laughters and at some point, even pop corn. Life couldn't get any better, or could it?


	21. Quarantine Day 5

**I will never stop thanking you for your kind reviews. You are all amazing and I hope this chapter will put a smile on your faces. I know it's a small chapter but I wanted to tease you Day 6!**

**TARA I agree with you. Jay handed things in the wrong way in the past, but it was never his intention to hurt anyone. He has never been selfish and I truly believe that if he gets with Hailey on the show, it will be for life. **

* * *

Jay slowly opened his green eyes as day 5 of quarantine dawned.

He rubbed them sleepily and allowed a cheeky smile to form on his lips as he remembered his last dream.

It was hot, steamy, passionate and it involved Hailey. Even though he was fully awake, he could somehow still feel her soft skin under his palm and her taster on his lips.

It wasn't the first time he had a sex dream about his partner, but being there in her house, sleeping on her couch made the situation even weirder.

"I bet that was one hell of a dream," Hailey's voice was suddenly heard from the kitchen.

Jay lifted his body and used his left elbow to support himself.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," he shook his head and run his fingers through his hair.

"Yes, sure," Hailey smirked and poured some coffee on Jay's cup.

His heart stalled. Had he moaned? Had he said her name? Had she heard him? He was familiar with the fact that he occasionally talked in his sleep, but only during nightmares. That was surely NOT a nightmare.

Hailey approached the couch, placed the hot cup of coffee on the table and sat right next to her partner.

That was all he needed right now. To let the caffeine run through his veins.

He quickly pulled back the blanket realizing a minute too late that he was fully aroused and wearing thin trousers. Embarrassment sweeped through him. He immediately covered himself again with the blanket but he knew it was too late.

Hailey tried her best to hide her huge smile as she took a sip from her large cup of coffee, but it was vein. She knew what was going on underneath that blanket.

To her credit, she didn't even flinch or pull away, but he was too ashamed to speak or move.

"Aren't you going to drink your coffee?" she teased.

Jay let out a deep breath and bit his gum. "I know you know," he said in a low voice.

"Know what?" Hailey smiled wickedly and took another sip.

"Look, I can't help it. I have no control over it, it's just biology," he desperately tried to justify the awkward situation.

"Does it happen every morning?" she turned to face him and laughed face knowing all too well that she was torturing him.

"You suck," he growled, placed the blanket around his waist and walked towards the bathroom.

Of course that wasn't the first time he had woken up feeling aroused. In the past though, he was either with Erin so it ended up in morning sex or he was simply alone.

He quickly closed he bathroom door and dropped the blanket on the floor. He placed both hands on the sink and took a look at himself in the mirror. Yeap, this was one of the most humiliating moments of his life.

If he was home right now, he'd know what to do. How to get relieve himself from that state. But there was no way he was doing _THAT_ in Hailey's bathroom while she was waiting right outside.

He turned the water on and placed his head under the faucet. The cold water would do the trick.

It took about five minutes but he finally forced himself back in control.

He slowly walked out of the bathroom and back to the kitchen like a kid who had just misbehaved.

"Everything ok down there?" she laughed and poured some more coffee into her mug.

"I am glad you are enjoying this," he grabbed his mug from the table and sat on the kitchen's counter.

"So, are you going to tell me?" she bit her lips and sat right opposite to him.

"Tell, you what?"

"Oh come on, you know. Who were you dreaming about?" she raised her eyebrow in curiosity.

Deep down inside she knew the answer. She knew it had to be about her and it felt oddly satisfying. After all, she too had occasionally intimate dreams about him.

Jay looked straight into her blue eyes and shook his head. He knew that she was playing him. She was provoking him to admit the truth. But he would never give in, for now.

"Was it Vanessa?" she kept on teasing. "Or better yet, was it Trudy?"

"Yes," Jay nodded. "It was about Trudy. I dreamed about caressing her soft cheek before slamming her up against the wall and kissing her until we were both out of breath. I took off her t-shirt, lifted her up and threw her … on your couch."

"Oh, now you are playing dirty," Hailey grimaced, stood up and walked out of the room muttering. "Why did it have to be my couch? That's gross."

Jay laughed out loud, pleased with his victory. Well, obviously it wasn't Trudy he had been dreaming about, but the rest of the story was pretty much the truth. For weeks now he had been dreaming of his partner. Was his subconscious trying to tell him something? Was it because he missed her while she was in NY? Was it because he was staying with her these past few days? Or was it because he simply loved her?

The realization hit him hard. He loved her. How could he have been so blind? It wasn't friendship, or lust or just some platonic emotions. He loved her and that scared him. Suddenly, he felt like he was suffocating. He wasn't ready to explore those feelings yet. Then again, maybe this was the perfect opportunity. They were both alone, with no one to interrupt them and no murder case to keep them busy.

Yes, he had screwed up before because he didn't feel worthy enough. Even now, he didn't feel like he was good enough for Hailey, but he was willing to destroy once and for all his fears, doubts and past demons. He deserved to be happy and so did his partner. He knew that he could make her happy. He wanted to make her happy.

He needed to take the risk. He needed to know if she felt the same way. He had done his waiting. He had ignored his feelings for way too long. Everything seemed perfect. All he had to do, was wait for the perfect moment to make his move.

"_Tomorrow,"_ he thought to himself.

The next day was Saturday and they had planned a drinking game called never have I ever. Yes, they were that bored to actually play a game made up by teenagers. What could go wrong?

Day 6 of Quarantine would be the day of truth!


	22. Quarantine Day 6

**I hope you all enjoy this. Once you finish reading don't me mad. Remember, have faith!**

**I hope you are all staying safe. **

* * *

Tonight was the night. He thought about it a lot. Actually, he barely got any sleep.

It was funny, because he wasn't usually the "over thinking" type. If he wanted something, he jumped head first. The same happened with Abby, Erin and Camilla. But this time, it was different. He wanted to do this the right way since the stakes were high.

He had screwed up before, but now he was thinking straight. No more lies, no more games, no more hiding. He would ask Hailey to take a leap of faith with him.

Was he scared? Hell yes. Even though he had mastered the art of reading her mind, it was still hard to read her emotions. Life hadn't treated her right but she was strong as a rock and she had built a wall around her for protection. Jay didn't want to tear down that wall. All he wanted, was to let him join her in her fortress.

Vanessa had once again left them to spend the day with her new boyfriend, so Jay teamed up with his partner and volunteered at the homeless shelter.

There were so many people in need, especially during that crisis. Being around all those people, made them wonder why they didn't volunteer earlier. They sat down and discussed with ex marines, kids who had run away from home, ex drug addicts and people who had simply lost everything.

Hearing their stories made them appreciate life. Surely, they both had a difficult past but they overcame whatever obstacles life threw at them. They were healthy. They had a roof over their head, a job that they loved, a partner they could trust and colleagues that they could call family. Everything seemed perfect.

The day went by quicker than they realized. By 8pm they were back home preparing for their scheduled game.

Jay had already taken a shower and volunteered to order pizza. Hailey was the second to enter the bathroom, when 20 minutes later she yelled from upstairs.

"Jay,"

"Yeah? Is everything all right?" he yelled back as he prepared the dishes.

"Could you come here for a sec? Oh, and bring your dufflebag."

Jay grimaced in curiosity, grabbed his bag and headed upstairs.

Her bedroom door was slightly open but Jay still knocked before walking in.

"Come on in," Hailey's voice was heard from her en-suit bathroom.

As soon as Jay approached the bathroom door Hailey opened it a few inches, the hot steams finding their way through the crack.

"Remember when I told you earlier, that I had a feeling I was forgetting something?" she asked in a childish like voice.

"Yeeees," Jay frowned his eyebrows and took a step closer to the door, curious to hear the rest of the sentence.

"Well, I forgot to pick up my clothes from the dry cleaner's," her voice was barely audible in embarrassment.

A slight chuckle escapes Jay's lips. "I am sorry what? Can you repeat that?"

"I forgot to pick up my clothes," Hailey repeated clearly frustrated. "ALL of my clothes, including my towels. "

Jay broke up in laughter. He could not believe that Hailey, the absolute control freak, had actually forgotten her own clothes. His amusement soon turned into heated excitement as he realized that his partner was standing wet and naked only a few inches away from him.

He swallowed hard and fought the urge to storm into that bathroom. His imagination though, had already affected his body. He could already feel the fire growing in his loins.

_Shit _he muttered and threw his bag on the floor. The last thing he needed was another humiliating moment like that.

"I was wondering if I could borrow some of your clothes, just for tonight. First thing in the morning I am picking up mine," Hailey carried on but her partner was already stumbling himself out of the room.

"The bag is right outside the door. You can pick anything you like," he said stuttering and practically run back to the kitchen to ease his thoughts away.

Damn it. When did Jay Halstead start acting like a 15 year old at the thought of a naked woman? Where had his confidence gone? He had always been a ladies man. Always the charmer!

He took a deep breath and let his body relax. He was doing it again. Over thinking about his every move. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes when suddenly the door bell rang.

_Get a grip Detective_, he muttered and answered the door to the delivery guy.

A few minutes later Hailey walked down wearing one of his black hoodies and a pair of grey oversized woolen socks.

He couldn't hold back his smile. He just stood there in the kitchen, watching her as she walked towards him. His hoodie somehow fitted her tiny figure perfectly. He wondered if it had already caught on her scent. He bet it had.

As his gaze moved lower, he noticed the lack of pants.

"I tried getting into one of your pants but they were too big," she explained reading his thoughts.

Jay smirked and tried not to stare at her. Even in that simple outfit, she looked sexy.

Everything is ready," he turned his gaze to the floor as soon as her realized he was staring at her. "Pizza and Tequila shots. What could possibly go wrong tonight?"

Hailey smiled, grabbed the pizzas and walked towards to living room, followed by Jay who held the Bottle and shots.

Within a few minutes both pizzas where gone. Saying they were starving would be an understatement.

"You know, I could get used to this," Hailey smirked as she swallowed the last piece of pizza.

She was sitting on the floor and Jay had preferred to sit on the couch.

"Get used to what?" he asked.

"You know, all this. Pizza nights, drinking games, having YOU around."

Jay licked his lips clearly flustered by her comment.

"So, you want me around?"

"Shut up," she snapped back. "You know what I mean. We spend all day at the district and when we do get to go out for a drink, it's usually accompanied by our group therapy session. We barely get some US time"

"Us time? Well, you wanted it, you got it." Jay opened the bottle and served both shots. "The can of worms will be opened tonight. You go first Game on."

Hailey chuckled and raised her glass. "Ok, Never have I ever travelled abroad."

As expected, Jay took a sip since he had travelled to Afghanistan as a Ranger.

"My turn. I have never celebrated Valentine's Day."

Hailey looked at him with sympathy as he took another sip of Tequila.

"Seriously?" she asked in disbelief.

Jay simply looked at her, pressed his lips together and raised his shoulders.

Hailey sighed and shook her head. How was that even possible? A guy like Jay never had a date on Valentine's Day.

"I have never been shot," Hailey continued and chuckled as she waited for Jay to drink.

"If only I could drink for every single time I got shot," he smiled awkwardly.

"I have never dated a co-worker," Jay said in absolute mischief and we knew the answer to that.

Both of them had dated co-workers. In fact, he never openly admitted it, but he was jealous of Ruzek in the beginning. Jealous because she had picked him. Jealous because she had broken her 'no office romances' rule for him. Jealous because she had been lying to him for weeks.

But all was clear now. Hailey hadn't chosen him because she respected him and valued their friendship and partnership. With Ruzek she had nothing to lose.

"Well," the blonde detective carried on the game. "I have never been married."

Hailey's jaw dropped when she noticed Jay didn't join her in drinking. She looked straight into his eyes in shock, wondering if he was just messing with her.

"You've been married?" she finally managed to ask.

Jay nodded ashamed. "It was a long time ago. We were in Vegas and drunk as hell. I barely remember that night."

"Who was it?" Hailey asked filled with curiosity.

It couldn't have been Erin, someone would have told her by now.

"It wasn't Erin," Jay responded clearly reading her mind. "Not that I wasn't willing to propose her, but that's another story. I was married to a fellow Ranger."

"How long did it last?" Upton asked, never taking her eyes off of him in an attempt to read his emotions.

"Hours," he shook his head. "Once we woke up the next morning, we realized it was a huge mistake. Well, at least I did. I am not proud of who I was back then. I did some pretty stupid things and made some huge mistakes. But I learned from them."

"What about Erin? When were you going to propose to her?" she hoped she wasn't stepping on uncharted territories.

Jay diverted his look to the floor. Honestly, he didn't want to talk about his past but he knew he should. If he wanted to make this work, he should be honest with his partner.

"Right before she left. I even got the ring and all," he smiled sadly.

"And?" Hailey lowered her face hoping her eyes would meet his.

"She left the city before I had the chance to do it," he leaned back on the couch and run his finger through his hair.

"I am sorry," Upton whispered.

"I am not," Jay smiled in relief. "I know now that it wasn't meant to be. I wanted to propose for all the wrong reasons. Not because I loved her, but because I felt like I owed to her."

Hailey stood up and walked towards the kitchen with the empty plates in hand.

"Do you ever wonder how different your life might have turned out to be if she had stayed?"

Jay also stood up and followed her.

"Maybe at first, but not anymore," he leaned forward and drank his shot of Tequila. "I don't want the same things I wanted back then."

"What? No big wedding? No kids and a house in the suburbs?" Hailey teased.

"No," Jay said firmly and looked straight into her blue eyes. "I know what I want. I 've been wanting it for a long time now."

"What is it?" Upton squinted her eyes in curiosity.

Jay slowly approached her until her back was against the counter, her hands resting on the marble. His heartbeat accelerated, his breathing became uneven.

This was the closest they had ever gotten. He could feel her breath against his neck as his eyes met hers.

With a hint of hesitation, he moved even closer breathing in the fragrance of her shower gel. Her scent was intoxicating.

He placed his left hand on top of hers and with the other he gently cupped her cheek. With trembling hand, he brushed his thump against her soft lips.

To her credit, she didn't move or flinch. She just stood there, staring into his green eyes.

Time seemed to stop as he slowly leaned forward but stopped for a brief moment. He looked into her eyes once again as if he was seeking for approval and then pulled her closer for a kiss.

He could feel her tremble under his touch as he moved his left hand to her waist.

"What are you doing?" she whispered against his lips.

He didn't want to answer. He wanted to show her, so he gently pulled her in for kiss.

To his surprise, she welcomed his kiss and embraced him placing both hand around his neck. Her touch sent tremors to his feet, he heart pounding fast in his chest.

He deepened the kiss, his tongue finding hers and a soft moan escaped her lips. His own followed in assent.

Soon, the kiss intensified. It was no longer soft and gentle. It was deep and rough.

Suddenly, she pulled back breathless, shocked at herself. But Jay didn't give up. He kept holding her into his arms, savoring the moment for as long as it lasted.

"I am sorry," she muttered and gently pushed him aside.

Jay licked his lips, still tasting her in his mouth. "No, I am sorry. That was out of line."

"That's ok," Hailey raised her hand in an attempt to keep him at distance. "I think we got enough Tequila shots for the night. I am gonna go and sleep. It was a long day."

"I can leave if you want me to," Jay proposed clearly heartbroken.

"No," Hailey shook her head. "Just….. I can't right now….Good night Jay.

He stood there watching her climbing the stairs as fast as she could. She was running away from him.

That was not what he hope for. Was it too soon? Should he have waited more? Had he just ruined their friendship?

His was started pounding as all his fears nested into his head. The truth was, he didn't regret it. At least now he knew. Whether she was not ready or not into him, he should once again put his feelings aside.

Why the hell was Molly's closed now that he desperately needed their good old Scotch. He sighed and rubbed his face. Maybe he should give her some space. Maybe he should head back to his apartment. On the other hand, he didn't want to leave in the middle of the night without saying anything.

Then, he remembered that his duffle bag and keys were still in her bedroom. Whether he liked it or not, he was stuck there. So, he crushed on the couch and emptied the rest of the Tequila, in an attempt to drown his fears away.

Day 7 would determine the future of their relationship.


	23. Quarantine Day 7

**I know you were disappointed by the last chapter, but you have been nothing but supportive so here is your reward. Have a great week you all!**

**As expected, this Chapter is rate M for smutt. **

**Enjoy my friends!**

* * *

Jay crashed on the couch, contemplating his latest actions. Trying to pinpoint the exact moment where it all went south.

How could he have been so wrong? She was always there for him. She cared and supported him. He could read her eyes and there was clearly love in them.

Maybe she was just too scared. After all, Jay didn't have a clean record when it came to relationships. He had often made mistakes and she was always there to witness them.

He let out a deep sigh and let his head rest at the back of the couch. It was already 2am. He tried to eavesdrop on her but dead silence surrounded the second floor. The only thing betraying she was still up there, was the dim light creeping its way underneath her door.

Did he regret the kiss? Hell no! But he had to protect their relationship. He would blame the Tequila. He wasn't thinking straight. Funny though, he mind was crystal clear.

His thoughts were running like a crazy train so he turned on the tv to keep his mind busy.

Suddenly, he heard the stair steps creak.

"Jay, are you still up?" Hailey whispered in the darkness.

"Yeah, I am awake," Jay jumped up surprised to hear her voice.

She walked downstairs and entered the living room still wearing his black hoodie.

"Look, I am sorry I stormed out like that," she apologized.

"That's ok," Jay softly smiled. "I was out of line. We've been having too many Tequilas lately."

Hailey took one step closer to the couch.

"Do you mind if I lay here with you? I can't sleep tonight," she looked straight into his eyes hoping he's day yes.

"Sure," he moved a little to the left and motioned her to approach.

She lay right next to him, her head resting on his shoulder.

What was she doing? One minute she was storming out of the room and now she was pressing her body against his. His heart was pounding fast. He bet Hailey could hear it.

Jay grabbed the blanket and covered his partner. With a hint of hesitation he placed his right hand across her shoulder.

That was all they needed to fall asleep. The presence of each other. Jay woke up sometime in the middle of night. They were both laying on the couch, both his hands wrapped around her. Without waking her, he shifted his body slightly to accommodate her, nuzzling his face into her hair. God he loved her scent.

Without realizing it, he pulled her even closer, living no room for any barriers between them.

That was when he realized she was awake, as a soft moan escaped her lips. She shifted her body and turned around to face him. He could feel her hot breath on his neck as she slid her arms around his waist.

Without hesitation, she found the hem of his shirt. Her hand slid its way beneath it and caressed the soft, taut skin of his back. She ran her hand up to his shoulder blade and back down slowly, savoring the feel of his warmth beneath her palm. He closed his eyes and breathed out, clearly enjoying her touch.

Jay swallowed hard, his heart thudding in anticipation of what may come.

This was not a dream. She was right there, longing him as hard as he longed for her.

With one hand he lifted her hip allowing her leg to circle his.

He bent to kiss her, and she let him. She pressed her body tightly against the length of his, and he moaned. His breathing was growing even more shallow, his eyes dart beneath their lids.

He felt her body against his, her hands roaming into his hair. He breathed her name as she brought her soft lips to his. They broke apart, when Hailey reached for his trousers.

"No," Jay whispered in her mouth. "Not here, bedroom."

Hailey simply nodded in anticipation and allowed him to lifther by the waist and carry her to her bedroom.

He gently dropped her on her bed and she rose to her knees.

"Jay…."

Within seconds she was back in his arms. His lips captured hers pulling her closer. She wrapped her arms around him and moaned at the feel of his tongue playing over hers.

Once they were both out of breath Jay broke the kiss and looked into her blue eyes.

"If we do this, there is no going back," he whispered and gently placed a kiss on her lips.

"I don't want to go back," she smiled wickedly and pulled him close to seize his lips with hers.

He hands found their way to hem of his shirt pulling it over Jay's head. Again, she leaned up to kiss him, moving her hands over the bare skin of his chest. Her finger paused for a second as they brushed his latest gunshot wound.

Her breath grew heavy as she slid he hands to his chest, feeling the hard planes of muscle beneath her fingertips.

They quickly moved downward, finding the edge of his trousers pulling them down.

There he was, standing completely naked in front of his partner.

He pulled her roughly closer to him claiming her lips as his own, until he pulled back, breathless, with a sexy devious smile.

"You're a lot less naked than me. What are we going to do about that?"

She smiled and let him reach for her hoodie until it was over her head.

To his surprise she was not wearing any bra, just a pair of black panties.

He glanced over her body, amazed by her beauty.

She laid back on the bed pulling him over, tangling them together. He could no longer hold himself back. He warm lips travelled down he neck, onto her shoulder and down across her collarbones. He could feel her heart race, her breath becoming fast and unsteady as his hand cupped her breast, his thumb stroking her nipple.

He moved slowly, trailing soft damp kisses down her chest making her shiver. He touched her panties and hesitated for a second, as if he was waiting for her to stop him.

But she didn't. They both wanted this. They both wanted to feel each other. He removed her panties and there she was in all her naked glory in front of him.

He hovered over her, his strong body making contact with her hot skin.

She could feel him, hard and bare against her thighs and it made her whimper.

"Jay…."

"Oh the things I want to do to you tonight," he whispered, his green eyes were almost black with lust.

"I want to feel you," she begged, pressing a lingering kiss on his lips.

He rocked his hips, the gentle friction making her suck a breath. She moaned at the feel of him. At the slow easy rhythm as he rubbed intimately against her.

He was driving her closer to madness with each touch and kiss. She trembled and gasped, lost in the unique sensations.

He pinned her hands above her head and his mouth started moving towards her breast, leaving a wet trail of kisses.

Oh, he was good at making her want him.

She pulled him up for a kiss, opening her mouth, allowing to take possession. He could feel her suck a breath as his hands started exploring her body again.

He broke the kiss and his lips moved to her breasts, sucking and biting her hard nipples making her breathless. Then, his fingers traveled between her thighs, finding her most sensitive spot, stroking and coaxing until she was whimpering and arching her back.

The sounds that she made were unfamiliar ti him. Soft, feminine whimpers, breathy moans and gasping little cries.

That was his undoing. He needed to have her, and he needed to have her right now.

He claimed her lips in a passionate kiss and guided himself inside her.

He kissed her again and again as her breath caught at the feeling if him easing himself in.

She whimpered, arching up trying to pull him in deeper.

"Slow," he whispered breathlessly in her ear."Go slow."

She moaned at the feel of him. So close, yet not close enough.

She looked up at him, eyes heavy lidded with passion and he kissed her, easing himself deeper.

He established a slow, easy rhythm, making her tremble and gasp, her nails digging deep into his back and bottom. But soon the tension end pleasure started building higher and higher until his thrusts became faster and rougher. Soon, they are both close to the edge as they moaned loudly in absolute release.

They were both panting out of breath as Jay collapsed on top of her, careful not to crash her with his weight.

It took them a few minutes to catch on their breath as they lay there in each others arms.

"Why didn't we do this sooner?" Hailey finally broke the silence.

"I don't know," Jay laughed. "But from now, I want this at least one a day."

"Hey," Hailey hit him gently on the chest , but in all honestly. That was exactly what she was thinking too.

The dawn of day 7 found them both naked and finally sleeping in each others arms after a really long night!


	24. Quarantine Day 8

**I am sorry for the late update but work had been keeping me to busy lately. **

**This chapter contains a steamy scene but nothing too graphic (unless you want me to in the future). **

**Hope you'll enjoy it and won't hate me. Remember...have faith!**

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Waking up with Hailey in his arms that morning just after dawn, had been like a dream. Feeling the warmth of her body beside him, her tiny arms resting on his chest, and her breath on his skin had been incredible. The peace and serenity he felt was unlike anything before it.

Since he had moved into her house he was sleeping peacefully, free of nightmares and ugly memories. For the first time in a long time, he actually felt happy. All he had do to, was not screw it up.

He couldn't keep his hands off of her, and consequently, he'd spent the last fifteen or twenty minutes tracing light, gentle patterns on the bare skin of her back. She hadn't woken, only shifted under his fingertips and moaned lightly in her sleep. That tiny sound brought a smile to his face.

He could lie there like that for the rest of his life if could. It was not yet light outside but soon, it would be. For the first time ever, the sun would find them together.

The first rays of sun creeped through Hailey's drapes and landed on their face.

"Are you awake," she whispered while gently caressing his bare chest with her finger.

"Awake? I think none of us got much sleep last night."

She couldn't see his face as her head was resting under his arm, but she could feel that cheeky smile forming on his lips.

He was right though. They had been lying to themselves for way too long and all that buried sexual tension, finally surfaced in the most magical way.

Once, was just the beginning. Twice, was not enough. But by the third time, they both collapsed totally out of breath on the bed.

Sex with Adam was…raw. It had to do more with the flesh than with actual feelings. But sex with Jay, was far more better that she had imagined. He was skilled, there was no denying that. But it had to do more with the man than with the skills.

"You're in my bed," she smiled wickedly. "I smells like you now."

Jay brushed a strand of her form her eyes and leaned to place a slow, soft kiss on her lips.

"Good morning to you too," she softly moaned in pleasure.

She couldn't believe that this wasn't a dream. They were both there, naked on her bed. And most importantly, none of them had regretted the night before. Yet!

Jay lazily stretched his arms and moaned. "I think I better go take a shower."

Hailey raised her eyebrows. "Alone?"

"Well, I was going to ask Vanessa to join me but she isn't home yet," Jay responded in all seriousness.

The blonde detective quickly pinched his ribs in frustration. "Very funny."

She got up, not even bothering to cover herself with the sheet and walked slowly and seductively towards the bathroom.

Memories of just few hours ago flooded him and just like that, he wanted her all over again.

Soon, he could hear the water running in the bathroom and jumped onto his feet to go meet his partner.

She was already in the shower, waiting anxiously for him to join her. The sound of the running water was too loud for her to hear him and she kept her eyes closed, enjoying the hot water on her skin.

Though her eyes were still closed, she didn't startle at the feel of his arms slipping around her waist. Instead, she smiled and relaxes back against him, savoring the feel of his hands skimming across her belly.

His lips moved over the shell of her ear, then her jaw and down to her neck, peppering tiny kisses across her wet skin. Goose bumps began to rise despite the heat of the water falling over her. His tongue glided along her pulse, making it increase tempo. Her breath began to match it, and she gasped at the feel of his teeth as they softly closed over the tender spot where the neck meets the shoulder.

"Ummm…I think we missing the point of the shower," she said breathlessly.

Without a warning, he turned her over, pulled her against him and sealed their lips with a long deep kiss.

Her breath caught as his hands slid down and grasped the back of her thighs lifting her up. He was hard and imposing and she wanted him. Hailey tangled her fingers in his hair as she wrapped her legs around him.

"Do you want me?" he pulled away from her lips and whispered in her ear.

She gasped at the feel of his teeth catching her earlobe. A breathless nod was all she could give alonf with a whimpering moan.

That was all the invitation he needed. He mouth moved to her throat, tongue dancing over it, teeth nipping and grazing her pale skin.

With every thrust, Jay pushed her against the cold tiles of the wall harder and harder.

Throaty moans echoed through the small bathroom, joined by breathless whimpers. It didn't take long for both of them to reach their climax.

Once they were able to catch their breath, they broke into hysterical laughter, feeling a bit embarrassed that they were acting like horny teenagers.

Their embarrassment didn't last long though, as they soon moved their hungry appetites back to the bedroom. The plan was to stay in bed all day. Enjoy and savor that feeling of true happiness for as long as it lasted.

Day 9 found them again naked in Hailey's bed. This time though, she woke up to the sound of her phone. It was a message from the district. There was a homicide and both she and Jay were summoned to the crime scene.

She stood at the edge of her bed and ran her fingers through her hair. She turned her head to check on Jay, debating on whether or not she should wake him up.

That was when reality hit her. She was not ready to take their relationship, or whatever that was, to work so soon. She wasn't ready to explain or justify, especially to Voight, the status of her personal life.

She dodged that bullet with Adam. By the time everyone found out, that had already ended it.

She took in a deep breath and carefully got out of bed and dressed for work. She decided not to wake Jay up. After all, she needed some time alone with her thoughts. Jay was a distraction.

A couple of hours later and she was back at the district finishing her paper work.

The room was empty. The only sound surrounding it, was her fingers typing her report. She tried to focus on her writing, but her mind kept traveling back and forth to Jay. Being at home with him surely made her happy. But having to deal with another office relationship made her suffocate.

That was when she heard him. His distinct footsteps climbing the stairs.

"Hey, why didn't you wake me?" he softly asked as he approached her desk.

He took one quick look around to make sure nobody was watching and he hunched to place a quick kiss on his partner's lips.

"Good morning," he smiled at her, his green eyes searching for her blue.

"Good morning," she bluntly responded not taking her eyes off her screen.

Jay straightened his body and froze for a moment, completely buffled by her sudden cold behavior.

"So?" he continued. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"It turned out that it wasn't much of a case," she replied still typing. "The ex husband murdered his wife. The guy didn't even bother to cover it. He left the gun behind and his fingerprints all over the crime scene. "

Jay sat on her desk with his back hunched, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Yeah, but you didn't know it until you got there. So that doesn't explain why you didn't wake me."

Hailey bit her lips awkwardly and remained silent.

He didn't need an answer. Her eyes, body language, but most importantly her silence spoke volumes.

"You didn't want me here," he whispered clearly hurt by the realization.

For the first time since he walked in, Hailey's gaze me his. Hurt and disappointment written all over his green eyes.

"Look Jay," Hailey got up to distance herself from him. "I think we jumped way too fast in this. "

"Too fast?" Jay got up and raised his volume a bit in frustration. "Hailey, we've known each other for three years. I wouldn't call it too fast."

"I don't think we make a good match."

"We don't make a good match?" he laughed sarcastically. "Up until a few hours ago you were begging me to make love to you and all of a sudden we don't make a good match? Where is this all coming from?"

"Fooling around at home is one thing. Coming back to work is completely different," Hailey tried to keep her tone down.

"Correct me if I am wrong, but weren't you the one that invited me to stay with you? Weren't you the one that jumped into the couch with me that night? Weren't you the one that wanted to stay in bed forever?"

"Yes, " Hailey finally shouted. "In bed, at my house. Not here. Jay, you know first hand that office romances to work out, especially in this place. "

"That's not the rule," Jay shook his head in denial. "We can make it work."

"Jay, you are not ready for a relationship. You still have a lot of healing to do, both physically and mentally."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked offended.

"You cover up well, you pretend that nothing can affect you yet you are still haunted by the ghosts of your past. That is why you act this way."

"What way? Jay raised his hands puzzled.

"Urgh…" Hailey growled in frustration. "You fall in love with everyone, literally EVERYONE."

"That is not fair," Jay took a step back in defense.

"Is it not?" she asked with ice in her voice.

"You fell in love with your next door neighbor. You fell in love with Antonio's sister. You fell in love with Erin. You fell in love with Camilla. You think you have feelings for me but in reality, it's just your constant need to grab on to someone. If Kim was your partner, you would fall in love with her too. I don't think you know what actual love is. You have this void inside that you so desperately try to fill."

Jay clenched his jaw. Every word that was coming out from her mouth was a stab in the heart that hurt more than any bullet he got.

But Hailey could not see the pain she was causing him. She kept pacing up and down the room in an uncontrollable rant.

"Whatever shit you went though during the war, it's done. It's over. But somehow you can't leave it behind. And the worst part, is that you refuse to talk about it. You refuse to resolve it. Being in pain makes you feel alive. I can't be with someone who doesn't emotionally distance himself from the cases. I can't be constantly scared that you may get too close. As your partner, fine I can live with it. But I can't accept this kind of behavior from my boyfriend. I can't be in agony every night wondering if you'll make it back home safe."

Jay was staring at her, trying to understand this sudden change of heart.

"Danger is our middle name," he finally managed to say. "I might not make it home one night. You might not make it home. Our friends might not make it home. It doesn't have to do with who we are. It's what we are. We are cops!"

"No," Hailey stood still and bitterly shook her head. "When the case is over, everyone goes home. You are the only one who brings the case along with him. It eats you up from the inside."

"Jay," she slowly took a few steps forward to approach him. "I don't want to ruin our partnership. It was good while it lasted. We got it out of our systems, but once we come back to work….it's over. I don't to hurt you or insult you. We are both broken. We are not relationship material, at least at his moment. But we do make a great team and I don't want to ruin that."

She looked up at Jay hoping to meet his eyes. The words came out harsher than she intended and the last thing she wanted was to hurt him. Honestly, she didn't know who she was trying to protect with this break up. Herself, Jay or both of them?

Jay hadn't spoken in a while. He was staring at the floor, his arms still folded in front of his chest as if he was trying to protect himself from Hailey's continuous strikes.

"Ja please, say something," she reached her hand to touch his face but he took a step behind in defense.

Finally, he picked up his gaze. His green eyes were turning red as he was obviously trying to fight back the tears.

"Why?" he asked, sadness and betrayal written all over his face.

"Why what?"

"Why did you give me hope?" his voice cracked. "I was willing to keep my feeling buried. Hell, I am damn good at it. But I thought you wanted this as much as I did. I thought you loved me too."

She did love him, more than she had loved anyone. But she couldn't bring herself to admit it. He was staring at her, piercing her with his teary green eyes, silently daring her to be true to herself.

He was right. She was the one to blame, not him. She was the one to chicken out and find stupid excuses. But still, she couldn't bring herself to admit it.

Jay shook his head disappointed. "I'll be out of your house before you get home. Once we get back, I'll ask Voight to assign us new partners. "

Just like that, he stormed out of the district before Hailey could process his words. What had she done? How could she destroy everything they built over the course of three years? How could she hurt him like that?

She run her fingers through her hair and screamed at herself in anger. Surely Platt heard her from downstairs. What the hell was wrong with her? Why did she let fear consume her? Why couldn't she stop firing insults at the man she clearly loved. Because yes, she loved him.

Even though she wasn't crying, hot tears were streaming down her face. She took her phone out of her phone and called him. It didn't strike as a surprise when he didn't pick up. She wouldn't either. She rubbed her eyes, grabbed her coat and run to her car frantically, praying that it wasn't too late. She didn't mean any of the words she said but that didn't change the fact that she had spoken them. Was all hope gone?


	25. Quarantine Day 9

**I will never stop thanking every single one of you for your support. Also, thank you for your patience. I know I don't update as often as I'd like, but I try!**

**Hope you'll enjoy this one. Can't wait to read your reviews.**

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Hailey stared at Jay's back as he stormed out of the District. Her heart was yelling _go after him_, but her feet were somehow pinned to the floor.

"What have I done?" she whispered as she crashed on her chair, burring her face in her hands.

What the hell got into her? How could she possibly utter all those nasty words to the one person she loved the most?

_We hurt the ones we love, _isn't that what they say? Well, that was beyond hurt and repair. Throughout their partnership, Jay had been nothing but supportive and caring. Surely, they had their ups and downs. Surely, he had used her as his punching bag a couple of times, but he always came back apologizing. This time though, her insults towards him were far more than just personal.

Her head was throbbing and her loud beating heart was causing her whole body to shake.

She raised her head and took a glimpse at his empty desk chair. For three years, that man had been her shoulder to cry on. Her friend. Her shrink. Her rock. He was the Olinski to her Voight. Actually, he as far more than that. One way or the other, she needed him in her life. She needed to fix her mistake.

Hailey took a deep breath and raised her shoulder. With a single move, she grabbed her jacket and run towards the exit. As soon as she exited the building, she took one quick look at her surroundings. No sign of Jay's car.

She hurried her way to her vehicle and drove back to her home. The upside of quarantine? No traffic. Within a few minutes, she was already parking outside her house. Once again, she peaked around her lonely street hoping to spot her partner's car. Nothing!

She quickly run to her house and yelled his name as she opened the door.

"Jay!"

There was no answer.

"Jay!" she yelled again and waited for a few second, desperately hoping to hear an answer. Only silence surrounded her home.

Hailey walked towards the living room and immediately noticed that his bag was missing. Panic started to consume her but soon, she remembered that he had moved his bag to her room.

She sprinted up the stairs calling his name for the third time.

"Jay!"

She frantically opened her bedroom door, only to find it empty. No bag, no Jay. It was like he was never there. The only thing betraying his presence, was the scent of his cologne still swinging in the air. He was gone. Just like that, he was gone.

Hot tears started streaming down her blue eyes as she crashed on her bed. Jay had even arranged her pillows and pink throw the way that she liked. She grabbed tightly the pillow that he had been sleeping on and took a long sniff. His scent was still on it.

She held on to it as hard as she could until she was practically covering her ears with it. As a kid, she used her pillow to block all the sounds from her childhood home. Now, she was using it to block the silence.

Jay had only been staying at her house for a week but he had soon become part of the house. Part of her every day life.

God, she already missed him. His subtle footsteps on the hardwood floor. His soft voice filling the air. His awkward singing while he was testing his limits in the kitchen. But most of all, she missed his strong arms around her.

She hadn't realized how much she wanted him, until his lips first touched hers. Until his hand roamed around her naked body. Whenever he is around, all her fears and insecurities were magically vanished.

She let out a deep sigh and lowered her pillow. Without hesitation she took her phone out of her pocket and called him for the tenth time, only to go straight to voice mail.

_Damn it Jay, where are you? _she muttered in frustration.

He wasn't at the district, he wasn't home and he surely wasn't at Molly's. Will was working double shifts so there was no way in hell he had gone to the hospital. So where had he gone?

As soon as darkness fell, she made one last attempt and drove to his house. Even though there was no sign of his car she dared to ring the bell. Once again, there was no answer.

There was nothing more she could do, other than leave a voice mail to his phone.

_"Jay, I am sorry. I am really sorry. I didn't mean any the words I said. I am an asshole, I know. But now you are an asshole too because I can't find you, you are not answering your phone and I am getting really worried here, ok? Please, please call me as soon as you get this. "_

The day was nearly over but Jay was still missing. Hailey drove back to her house and lay on her _empty_ bed. She closed her eyes and soon drifted off smiling with Jay in her mind.

"Jay!" she woke up screaming.

Her breathing was heavy and drops of sweat were dripping down her forehead. It took her a minute to process reality but soon she remembered. It wasn't a nightmare. The cold sun was shining on Day 9 but Jay was not laying by her side.

She grabbed her phone from the nightstand fearing she had missed his call, but there was none.

She tried calling him yet again though without any response.

At this point, she was getting really worried. Jay was strong, but he didn't handle emotional disappointments well. What if he spent the night drinking and he fell asleep on a bench somewhere? What if he was in car accident? What if there was a hit and run? What if he was mugged? What if…. What if…..what if…. Her mind was going crazy.

She didn't want to, but she knew she had no choice but to drag Will into their little mess.

Without any second thoughts, she dialed his phone.

"Hey Hailey," his tired voice answered the line.

"Hey Will, I am sorry to disturb you, but have you heard from Jay in the past 24 hours?"

"No!" Will replied fonfused. "I thought he was staying with you."

"He was," Hailey paused for a minute. "We got into some sort of a fight, he left and now I can't reach him."

"Have you tried…"

"Yes," Hailey cut him off before he had a chance to finish his sentence. "I tried the District, his home, Molly's and a couple of other spots."

Will chuckled. "I was going to say, have you tried Rainbow Beach?"

"Rainbow beach? Why would Jay go to there?"

"Hailey, trust me. If you can't find him anywhere, chances are he is at Rainbow Beach."

"Ok," Hailey nodded quite skeptical. "Thanks for the help!"

Without so much as think about it, she got out of bed, put on the first pair of jeans she found in sight and drove to Rainbow Beach even though Jay had never mentioned that place.

The beach was long, the sun was now hiding behind the cloudy skies, but soon she spotted his distinct figure sitting on the sand.

For the first time in nearly 24 hours, she felt like she could finally breath. All her fears and dramatic scenarios had vanished.

She parked the car and hesitantly walked towards him, her feet digging into the sand with every step she made.

"Let me guess," Will told you I'd be here," he said once she was close enough, his eyes never leaving the horizon.

"Well, that's what happens when you go AWOL on me," she grinned in an attempt to sound sarcastic but funny.

"I needed some time to think," Jay sighed avoiding to look at her.

"If had picked up your damn phone, you would know that you don't have to think about anything," Hailey snapped frustrated, still standing a few feet away from him.

"I am sorry, ok? I was wrong and unfair towards you," her voice softened.

Jay turned his head and for the first time, his green eyes landed on her blue. Actually, there were more red that blue and quite swollen. A clear evidence that she had been crying for yours.

On her way to the beach, Hailey had been practicing her speech. All of the things she wanted to say to Jay. But now that she was standing in front of him, her lips seemed sealed tight. Her whole budy was numb and once again all her fears and doubts started manifesting in her mind.

No! This time she was strong. This time she was sure of herself. She knew what she wanted so she sat on her knees right next to him.

"I didn't plan on us getting together like this and it scared me. Look, I don't know how to be happy. Every time I am close enough, something happens and it is snitched away from me. I don't want to lose you too. I know we are not perfect, but I bet we will make a perfectly dysfunctionally functional pair. I am willing to take that risk with you. I am willing to follow you anywhere. Do you want that too?" she fought back her tears and anxiously waited for her partner's response.

Jay closed his eyes in relief and let out a deep breath. He reached his hands and cupped her face, pulling their foreheads together.

"I know what I want in life," he whispered in her lips. " I am holding it in my arms right now."

Hailey pulled back an inch and grinned. "Did you just quote PS I Love You?"

"You 're the one to blame for that, after all, you made me watch it," Jay smirked and roughly pulled her for a long deep kiss.

Within seconds, Hailey was sitting on his lap slowly rocking her hips over Jay's trousers. His left hand was squeezing her ass ash his right slid underneath her blouse, sensually brushed her breasts and landed on her neck, pulling her even closer.

This time, Hailey decided to be the dominant one. She pushed him on the sand until he was laying down and removed both their jackets. Still rocking her hips, she leaned forward and claimed his lips as their tongues fought over control. Soon, she started trailing kisses to his exposed neck, over his t-shirt and stopped once she reached his zipper.

She raised her eyes and looked at him with a wicked look he had never seen before. Jay's breathing was becoming fast in anticipation. He took a quick glimpse around, and once he was certain they were all alone, he nodded in approval.

Hailey undid his pants and Jay helped her get rid of hers. This was happening. They were having public sex at the beach and they didn't even care. Well, maybe they cared a little bit. You know, in case they got arrested and then they had to explain themselves to Voight.

It didn't take long for both of them to reach climax. Soon, Hailey had collapsed on top of Jay, heart pounding and completely out of breath.

"Well, that was a first one," Jay laughed.

"Public sex?" Hailey raised her head to face him.

"No, sex on the beach."

Hailey's eyes widened in shock. "You've had public sex before?"

"Come on, who hasn't? Don't tell me you 'd never…."

Hailey rolled over his body and put on her pants. "No, I am a traditional girl."

"Traditional girls don't do what you just did," Jay wickedly smiled as he zipped his pants.

"See what happens when I hang out with man sluts like you? I drive down the road of sins."

Jay stood up and pulled her in his lap, his lips only a breath away from hers. "If what we just did is a sin, I don't mind going to hell for it. Or repeating it again….and again…. and again…."

Once again, despite the cold weather the temperature rose dangerously. Not even the thunders seemed to scare them. But once it started to rain, they had no choice but to drive back home and go for the 2nd round of sins….and then the 3rd.


	26. Quarantine Day 10

**Once again I am sorry for the late update. Work has been a hustle but Summer vac is around the corner. That means more time to write...finally!**

**If you have any requests to hesitate to tell me.**

**I hope you are all safe and enjoying Summer. **

**XoXo**

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Finally, Hailey was where she belonged; right there in his arms.

As soon as Jay woke up, he instinctively pulled her closer. Before even opening his eyes, he wanted to feel her next to him. He was quite restless through the night, fearing that he'd wake up and once again, she'd be gone.

As soon as he felt her warm body crawled up next to his, his heart returned to its normal beat.

He could get used to waking up like that. With her naked body next to his like two puzzle pieces joined together. His strong arms wrapped around her while her head rested under his wing. Her warm hand placed on his chest and soft lips gently brushing his bare ribs as her blonde hair covered parts of her face in a tangled mess.

He removed a strand of hair that was covering her closed eyes. She softly moaned and shifted as he traced a line with his index finger from her forehead down to her lips.

"Good morning," Jay whispered in her ear.

"Mmmmm, " she softly whimpered and tightened her embrace on Jay with her eyes still closed. "Is it morning so soon?"

"I am afraid it is," Jay smiled.

"I don't want to get up," she groused like a kid who didn't want to go to school.

"Look, I'd love to stay in bed," he gently placed a kiss on her forehead, "but I think we'd better get up."

"Spoilsport," she tried her best to sound mean but all she managed was to look even more adorable in his eyes.

"Come on," he kissed her forehead while gently caressing her bare back with his thumb.

"Why are you in such a hurry to get up?" she sighed and finally opened her eyes.

"We can't stay in bed forever," Jay grinned.

"Why not?" Hailey smirked and raised her eyebrow.

"Aren't you bored yet?" Jay looked into her eyes in curiosity.

"Bored of what?"

"This," he motioned at themselves. "Us, staying in bed for days."

Hailey escaped his embrace, slightly stood up and used her elbow to support herself.

"I would never get used to this," she shook her head and smiled. "Besides, we should better enjoy it while it lasts."

"What do you mean?" Jay swallowed hard and frowned his eyebrows.

"Come on Jay, don't tell me you never think about it."

"Think about what?" he asked once again and stood up, resting his back against the bed frame.

"Voight," she softly answered with a hint of fear in her voice. "I screwed up and he sent me to NY. How do you think he is going to react when he finds out about us?"

"Hey," Jay caressed her face, trying his best to hide the fact that he had been worrying about their future too. "He is not going to break us up. We won't give him a reason to."

"We are not Adam and Kim. They've been together for years. They have history. Voight doesn't have the same faith in us," she sighed bitterly.

"Hail, he didn't send you to NY as a punishment. He sent you to find yourself. He did that to help you," Jay said partially trying to convince himself too.

Voight had always been tough, but he had never abandoned any of them. He knew that Hailey and him made a damn good team. Besides, Jay meant what he said almost a year ago. If Hailey left, he would follow. Now, he had far more reasons to do so.

"We both need to act carefully. You have to promise me Jay. No more secret missions. No more good Samaritan acts. Don't forget you almost died. I can't go through that again," her eyes were red trying to fight back the unwanted tears.

Yes, Jay was the one who was shot but Hailey was the one suffering in that waiting room. She had never talked about that to anyone. About how her heart stopped when she heard that gunshot. How her blood froze when she saw him bleeding on the floor. How numbness took over her body when even Will had doubts about his survival.

That was when she realized that she loved him. Not just as her partner at the District, but as her partner in life. She had loved before, but not so passionately. It was a force she couldn't control.

Jay placed his hand behind her neck and pulled her close for a long tender kiss. "I am here and not going anywhere. I promise!"

Throughout his life, he had always been the lone wolf. But those days were gone. They were a team, all he had to do was not screw it up.

Hailey was right about that. He didn't have a clean record when it came to relationships. He loved too much too fast because he didn't want to feel anything else. Rage, fear, sorrow, loneliness…..those four ghosts had been haunting him his entire life.

No more! He was finally ready and willing to leave all those behind. To kill all his demons and get the happily ever after he deserved.

Surely, they were still young with their whole lives ahead of them, but in that line of work no one was ever safe. Especially Jay, was lucky to have reached this far. He should have died a hundred times by now.

_No, no more ghosts_ Jay thought to himself and shook his fears away. No more restless nights trying to understand why he was still alive while most of his friends were all gone.

It was time to live free of guilt. It was time to live!

He leaned forward to place another kiss on her lips and rested his forehead on hers.

"This is it," he whispered against her lips.

"Even if it doesn't work out, we're partners no matter what," she said placed her hand on his scruffy cheek.

"We WILL work out, there is no other option," he pulled her for a deep kiss.

Within seconds, he was laying on top of her, trailing wet kisses from her neck down to her chest.

God, he knew exactly how to make her want him. She didn't resist. She just threw her head back on the soft pillows and savored his every touch. In a magic way, all her worries and fears seemed like a far and distant memory. All she could concentrate on, was how he made her feel.

It wasn't sex, it was love. She felt wanted, like he was worshipping every inch of her tiny body. Even his soft, breathless moans were arousing to her. She used to moan and whimper too in the beginning. But now, she found it hard not to scream in pleasure, making sounds that were unfamiliar even to her. That was the sensational affect he had on her.

In order not to spend Day 10 in bed all day, they got creative. So, they tried out every single room and spot in the house. The kitchen counter, the dining table, the sofa, even the stairs. The only room they skipped was Vanessa's, thank God for her!


	27. Quarantine Day 11

**Once again I am sorry for the late update. Hope this chapter was worth the wait as it inspired me the next one. **

**Hope yuo are all safe and enjoying Summer!**

* * *

The sun was up, hiding behind the grey clouds of the cold sky as the first drops of rain hit the ground. In mornings like this, Hailey was kinda happy they had to spend the day home. Especially now that she had someone to wake up by her side.

She moaned softly and tightened her grip around Jay's body. She was never really into morning cuddles, but for some strange reason she wanted to feel him next to her. His presence made her feel peaceful.

This morning was different though. Jay didn't react to her touch as usual. He didn't even wake up despite being a light sleeper.

Hailey could feel his whole body tremble under her palm as soft whimpers escaped his lips.

She stood up, supporting herself on her elbow and watched Jay's eyes flutter in his sleep as what she could only assume was a nightmare floated by. Her heart clenched as Jay's chest rose and fell quickly with the small surges of adrenaline produced by his dream.

There was no screaming or yelling. Just ragged breaths and choked whimpers. Was he having a dream or reliving an old memory?

Her heart broke. She caressed his cheek with her left hand and whispered. "Jay, wake up."

He didn't respond. On the contrary, his trembling intesified.

"Jay please, wake up," she repeated and placed her right hand on his bare chest to sooth his tremble.

Nothing. He was lost in his trance with no way out.

"Jay!" she finally shouted, a little louder than she wanted.

Jay's eyelids flew open and he roughly grabbed Hailey'sright arm in defense.

Hailey gasped in fear but managed to maintain calm and gently brushed his cheek with her left palm. She could feel his cold sweat running between her fingers.

"Hey, it's me," she whispered once again looking straight into his disoriented eyes. "It's ok, you were having a nightmare."

Jay swallowed hard and looked at his surroundings in a desperate attempt to orientate.

Once he confirmed that it was all just a dream, his breathing became even. That was when he realized his grasp around Hailey's arm.

"I am sorry," he managed to say and quickly removed his hand.

"That's ok! Good morning," she smiled at him and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

Jay faked a smile and diverted his look. "I am going to take a quick shower."

She fought the urge to follow him and ask him. He needed his space and she knew that all she had to do was give it to him. He would talk when he'd be ready. Unfortunately, when it came to Jay, he was never ready. He'd rather hide everything under a rug rather than talk about it.

Hailey knew that all too well. In their 3 year partnership he bailed on counseling over and over again. He never discussed about Erin, his father, his troubled affair with Camila, Mouse, his shooting…. Anything.

She sighed as she watched him enter the bathroom and decided to head downstairs and make breakfast.

Patience. All she had to do, was be patient with him.

* * *

Jay stepped into the shower, unable to shake off his nightmare. He let the hot water run down his still trembling body until the steams filled the whole room.

He felt broken and ashamed that she had to witness him in such a state. He leaned forward and rested his forehead on the cold tiles. He couldn't deal with the nightmares anymore. Sometimes he remembered them, sometimes he didn't. But they were always there, haunting him for the last decade. The ones he's unfortunate enough to remember stay with him all day, peeking from the edges of his subconscious like ghosts.

Bailing out of therapy was a bad idea. He knew that now. After his mother died, the only person he could openly talk to was Mouse. But now they were both gone and he was left alone with his nesting fears.

His nightmares varied. Sometimes he would get a visit from people he couldn't save. Others, he would relive all the torture he suffered in Afghanistan. There were also nights he would see his own death.

Lately though, he had different kind of nightmares. He had them constantly, and they were different every time he had one. But they all had a common thread running through them. Hailey. And in each and every one, she was dead. One way or another, whether from a gunshot, an explosion, a car crash, or some other means, she died in every one of his dreams and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

That's why he stormed into the bathroom. That's why he avoided any eye contact with her. Because once again, he had dreamed about her death.

Hailey had always been the verbal one. He knew she would want to sit down and discuss it. He also knew that she meant good. But he wasn't ready. Not yet!

He couldn't hide in the bathroom forever. He got out and thankfully Hailey was already making breakfast. He got dressed, took a deep breath, put on a fake smile and headed downstairs.

Jay could smell the pancakes from the stairs.

"Hey," he sneaked up behind her and placed a sot kiss on her shoulder as she turned off the stove.

"Hey, are you ok?" she asked clearly worried.

"Of course," he brushed it off and sat next to the counter.

Hailey shook her head in disappointment. After all these years, after everything they had been through, he still couldn't trust her.

"Look Jay, you don't want to talk to me, fine! But you have to talk to someone who can actually help you."

"Help me with what?" he shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't do this," she smirked in dismay. "Don't pretend that it didn't happen."

"Hailey, it was just a nightmare. There is nothing to worry about," he tried his best to convince her but he knew that she could see right through his lies. She always could.

"So, this was an isolated incident. Is that what you are saying?"

"Yes," he firmly replied avoiding any eye contact.

"No," Hailey shook her head in frustration and stood in front of him, her face only inches away from his. "You are going to look me in the eyes and swear to me that you no longer experience nightmares?"

Jay stared into those vast blue eyes and swallowed hard. Any other day he would have easily lied to her. But not today. He didn't want their relationship to be built upon a lie. After all they had made a promise. No more lies.

"I hadn't had a nightmare in weeks. I don't know what triggered this one," he managed to confess in all honesty. Ever since he had moved in with Hailey, he hadn't experienced the slightest nightmare.

Hailey reached for his hand and held it tight. "We are in this together. All I want to do is help you."

"I know," Jay closed his eyes in understanding. "Honestly, I've been seeing Dr. Charles for quite some time now and he is genuinely helping me. I'll give him a call and see if he is available."

"You know I care about you, right?" Hailey asked.

"You do? Really?" Jay smiled teasingly.

"Dork!" Hailey punched his on the shoulder and carried on with her cooking.

What she really wanted to say was _I love you_ but she was too scared to admit it. Even though she knew deep down that he loved her too.

"You know, you never explained to be Rainbow beach," Hailey decided to change the subject.

"What about it?" Jay looked at her in curiosity and grabbed a strawberry from the bowl that was sitting in front of him.

"After our stupid fight, I looked everywhere for you. Will was the one to point towards Rainbow beach. I don't recall you ever mentioning it."

Jay remained silent for a brief moment. "My mom used to take me there. Whenever she needed some peace and quiet, she would take me to the beach. We would sit there for hours, just looking at the water until we were finally ready to go home. Will was always the rebel one, so he never followed us. He thought it was boring. That beach is all I have left of my mom."

Hailey looked at him in surprise. He rarely ever talked about his mother, let alone get emotional about it. He was an expert hiding behind his rough exterior, but deep down he was a wounded soul. Just like her.

"What about you?" he carried on.

"What about me?"

"Do you ever visit your parents?" he asked with a hint of hesitation as he feared he was stepping into uncharted territories.

Hailey froze for a moment and her features stiffened. "Not really. I visit them maybe once a year, but it feels like even that is too much."

"Should we….. offer them out help? You know, given the circumstances. Ask if they need anything.?"

"No!" she bluntly responded and started washing the pan.

"Hey," he stood up and hugged her from behind. His hands landing on her belly as his face buried into her neck. "I know there is a lot of history between you. I also know that you carry a lot of rage. A rage you need to either unleash, or make amends with your parents. "

"I will never make amends with them," her voice sounded harsh even to Jay.

"I understand, but you need to unload your burden. The last words I ever spoke to my father were words of hate. Now, he is gone and I can never take them back. Do I blame myself? Absolutely. But I also blame him for being emotionally distant our entire lives. He could have been there for us. He could have been there for me! But he chose pride over his own sons. Give your father a chance and maybe you'll get whatever you want out of him. Even if you don't, at least you'll know you tried."

Hailey leaned her head back to him. She felt safe right there in his hands. A feeling she never got to experience as child. He was right. She deserved an apology from both her parents. She deserved an explanation from her mother. She deserved closure.

Hailey turned around to face Jay. "I will go, but I want you right there with me. I need you!"

Jay placed a kiss on her fore head and pulled her in a long and strong embrace. "I will never leave you alone. I promise!"


	28. Quarantine Day 12

**I have to warn you. This chapter is quite emotional. I wish I was fluent enough to write it in the way I had in my head :)**

**Really hope you''l like and as always, I can't wait for your reviews. **

**Stay safe and have fun!**

* * *

The ride was awfully quiet. From the moment Hailey texted her mother and volunteered to bring hr some supplies, tension took over her body.

There was no need for Jay to read her body language, all he had to do was read her eyes, and they were screaming in agony. Apart from the occasional social call, she hadn't visited her parents in over two years. As soon as she turned 18 she ran away from that life. That is why she chose to live almost an hour away from them. The only thing that kept her in Chicago, was her love for the it. Otherwise, she would have easily moved to another city.

She went to the market the same morning, picked up a few groceries and a couple of more supplies. She didn't have to ask from Jay to accompany her. That was one of the many things she loved about him. He always knew what she needed without having to verbally express it.

So, there they were, parking outside a suburban house. Her parents moved away move Greek Town after the Restaurant was closed. Hailey was relieved! Sure, she remembered the Christmas parties, birthdays and barbeques. But all those were haunted by dark memories of her father yelling, her mother screaming and her two brothers crying.

Jay and Hailey stayed in the car for a few minutes, contemplating whether this visit was a good idea after all.

Jay took her hand in his and gently squeezed it in support.

"I am here for you. If you feel like this is all too much just give me a look and I'll know. I'll take you the hell out of here," he held her hand and squeezed it softly.

Hailey looked deep into his green eyes and all she saw was love. Just one look from his was enough to make all her fears disappear. He was her lifejacket.

"I am sorry I am putting you up for this. I apologize in advance for all the things my father is going to say. He is not a good man. He will seek ways to provoke you," she warned him worriedly.

She was well aware that Jay had his own unresolved father issued and dragging him into her own screwed up family was selfish.

"Hey, I am with you. I will always be with you," he brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss.

I am ready," she let out a deep sigh. "Let's get this over with."

Thankfully, her mother answered the door and fell into her arms as soon as she saw her daughter.

"Oh God I've missed you," she muffled as she buried her face into Hailey's hair.

The blonde detective answered with an awkward "I've missed you too mom," and stepped back to introduce her to Jay.

"This is my partner, Jay," she pointed to him as he battled to hold all the grocery bags and give Hailey's mom a handshake at the same time.

"Nice to meet you Mr Upton," he charmingly said.

Jay looked at her and shook his head in surprise. She was nothing like he expected. No blonde hair, no slim figure, bad ass feminist vibes. Nothing gave off that she was his partner's mother. Just an ordinary middle aged woman, with stray grey hair and evident wrinkles on her face.

"Well well, look what the cat brought," a throaty male voice was suddenly heard from the distance.

Hailey unconsciously jumped at the sound of him and slowly turned around to see her father walking down the stairs. Her heart was beating like a bomb ready to explode.

This was only the beginning but Jay could feel the tension building up. He gently placed his hand on her waist as a form of support. A simple gesture like that was enough to make her heartbeat return to its normal rhythm.

She took a deep breath and finally managed to utter in absolute sarcasm "Nice to see you too dad."

"Come to the kitchen, I have fresh coffee in the pot," her mom said in her most cheerful tone but it was obvious that she was straggling inside.

The next two seconds were more than enough for Jay to study her father. A 60+ old man, with grey hair and slightly overweight. His left eye had still the marks from the stitches he got all those years ago. His posture screamed Alpha. Even though he wasn't that tall, the way he kept his shoulders high and his chin up made him look like a confident, strong man.

That façade would probably work on his fellow peers, but not on Jay. He could see right through him. All he was, was a miserable old man with inferiority complex. Just thinking of all the things Hailey had endured at the hands of this man, made his blood boil. He had to control his temper though, for his partner's shake.

Awkward silence surrounded the room as Hailey's mother served the coffees while they all sat on the round wooden table, overlooking the back yard. Hailey and Jay sat right to each other and her father opposite to them.

"So," Mrs Upton broke the silence. "How long have you two been partnered up?"

"Almost three years," Hailey looked at Jay and smiled.

"You two have been screwing, haven't you?" her dad uttered with a smirk of disgust in his face.

"Nik," Mrs Upton exclaimed in shock before she could join them on the table with her coffee in hands.

Hailey scoffed and shook her head. Of course he would make an inappropriate comments like that. And this was just the beginning.

"Yes dad, he is my partner at work and he is my partner at home. Is there a problem?" he voice was harsh and defensive.

"Was that the best you could do; a cop? Guess nobody else wanted you," he was so good in psychological attacks.

"Your daughter is one of the greatest Detectives in this city sir. I am proud she is my partner and I am damn lucky she chose to be with me. She deserves the best and I will do anything in my power to provide it," Jay jumped in, his eyes locked on Mr Upton the whole time.

"Jay, right?" he asked diminishingly. "What is your last name?"

"Halstead sir," he firmly responded.

"So, you're Halstead," Mr Nik smirked with a hint of evil in his eyes. "You are the cop that killed that black girl a couple of years ago and got away with it."

Hailey glared at him, fire coming out of her eyes. She was used when his insults were directed at her. But he had no right treating Jay like that.

She knew how much that death weighed on Jay. She remembered how devastated and broken he was. Slamming that in his face was a dirty move, even for her dad.

"That unfortunate incident was an accident. You have no idea how many people Jay has saved at the risk of his own life. You have no idea what he has sacrificed for this city and for this country. He is a hero. When was the last time you volunteered to help anyone huh? Give your righteous crap to someone who doesn't know you, not to me,"

The scared little girl that walked into the house a few minutes ago was gone. She was back to being herself. She had been running away from her father for far too long. It was time she showed him what she was made of.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that," he yelled slamming at the table with such force the entire room trembled.

"No you listen to me," Hailey stood up, her jaw clenched in anger. "I am not that frightened little kid anymore. I see you for what you truly are. A pathetic, useless sad old man. You became this violent person because you couldn't be anything else. As long as Alex, Mike and I worked at the diner, it thrived. As soon as we left, it all fell apart. "

Her father laughed ironically "You can pretend me to hate me all you want, but I know deep down you love me. I created you. I turned you into the person you are today. I made you tough. Remember when that guy attacked me at the Restaurant? The cops at the hospital were going on and on about how worried you were about me. You always love me."

Hailey looked at him and smirked. "I was worried, yes! But not because I was scared that you couldn't make it. It was because I was scared that you would. I wanted you to die! I prayed that you'd die. "

Her blue eyes that resembled the ocean, now looked like ice. She felt relieved saying it out loud. The years of terror were over. Yes, she wanted him dead.

"How dare you talk to me like that in my own house?" he screamed so loud that most likely the neighbors heard him.

He stood up in anger, his hand clenched in a fist ready to attack his own daughter. As expected though, Jay's reflexes kicked in. He jumped on his feet, nearly crossing over the table and grabbed his fist in the air, twisting his arm behind his back.

He was done being calm. The hair on his neck rose like an animal prepared to attack. All he could think about was how he had hurt Hailey. He could picture her with bruises all over her body, hiding behind the closed doors of her room. He wanted to hurt him, break his arm and his would have if her mom's cries hadn't waken him up from his trance.

"You're hurting him, let him go," she pleaded as her husband was on his knees groaning in pain.

Hailey was standing there in complete apathy. She enjoyed the scene that was taking place right before her eyes. But as soon as she locked eyes with Jay, she knew they had to end it. That man was dead to her either way.

"Come on, let's go," She placed her hand on Jay's shoulder and prompted him to follow her.

Jay released his arm and let him drop on the floor in pain. Then, he lowered to his level and whispered.

"If you ever come near her, if you ever look or touch her, I will make sure they will never find your body."

With that simple statement he stood up and walked outside to meet Hailey. In his line of job he had threatened more people that he could count. This was the first time though, that he actually meant every word. He would die for Hailey, but he would also kill for her.

As soon as they reached the car her mother walked outside yelling frantically.

"Why did you do that?"

Hailey turned over to face her mother. "You are seriously asking me that?"

"Bare with him. He was just in a bad mood. This whole quarantine thing has driven him crazy," she desperately tried to justify his actions.

"So, that big bruise under your eye is a result of the quarantine?" Hailey pointed at her mother's face as she looked down to avoid any eye contact.

"Don't divert your look mom. No matter how much make up you out on I can see it. I could always see it."

Hailey turned her back to get into the car but reconsidered. She had too much unresolved issues with her mom as well and now was the best time to end this. Well, now might be the only chance they got to end this. Because once she got into the car, she was not looking back, ever!

"Why?" Hailey asked her with a broken voice.

"Why what?" her mother asked back still avoiding to look into her daughter's eyes.

"Why didn't you choose us?" Hailey sighed. "Why did you choose to stay with that man?"

"I didn't choose him," she said with tears forming in her eyes. "You left me, all three of you left me behind."

Hailey's features stiffened as she glared at her in anger.

"You had 18 years to get as out of that god forsaken house. 18 years! And you just stood there and did nothing. The same way you did nothing today. You never defended me, not once in your whole life. But still, before I moved out, I asked you to follow me. Do you remember what you told me?"

Mrs Upton looked at the grass desperately trying to drown he sobs .

"I love him," she uttered, her voice barely audible. "I told you I still loved him."

"Get in the car," Hailey ordered her.

"What?" her mother looked at her confused.

"If you love me, but most importantly if you love yourself, you'll get in the car," the petit Detective opened the door to the back seat.

Her mom took a step behind and shook her head in fear. "No, I can't do that!" she muttered.

Hailey grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes. The same blue eyes that everyone said she got from her mother.

"This is it mom, this is the last chance you'll ever get. This is your way out. You will stay at my place and I will help you get up on your feet. "

Even though it was a cold day, sweat starting forming on her mom's forehead.

It shouldn't be this hard. She was offering her freedom and instead of grabbing it, she ignored it.

Mrs Upton took another step behind and escaped from Hailey's grip.

"I am sorry, I can't leave him. When you truly love someone, you overlook his flaws."

"Mom, whipping you with his belt because the beer is not cold enough is not a flaw," Hailey's tone was harsher than she intended.

"This is where I belong," she whispered one last time and walked steadily into the house.

The battle was over, the war was lost. Hailey just stood there watching her mother choosing hell for the second time.

Jay walked to her from behind and placed his arm around her neck.

"You did everything you could," he whispered into her ear. "It's over baby, let's go. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

He was right, she knew that he was right. Her consciousness was clear. All those years she blamed herself for not trying hard enough to save her mother. All those years she blamed her mother for not trying at all to save her own kids. That was when she realized how different she was from her parents and how blessed she was to have a man like Jay by her side. Their love was pure, not toxic and she was determined to maintain it.

Hailey got into the car and never looked behind. That was the last time she ever saw her parents and quite frankly, she didn't mind. You can't miss someone who was never in your life. And those two, were never the parents that every kid deserves to have.

Again, the ride back home was silent. No words were needed to be spoken. Hailey was proud of herself. For the first time in her life she stood up to her father. And most importantly, she was glad that Jay was with her along the way. As a child, she always dreamed of the man who would protect and save her from the terrors of her home. For once, that man had a face!

Throughout the route, they gave each other subtle glanced when they though one wasn't looking. He was worried about how emotionally affected she might be by today's situation but also guilty because he convinced her to go along with it.

On the other hand, she was worried that Jay would get cold feet. That her dysfunctional family was more than he signed on.

Once they got home they didn't have time to take off their jackets. Hailey pulled Jay for a hungry kiss, unlike any they had ever shared.

At first, she caught him by surprise but he soon understood what she needed.

She needed physical contact. She needed to discard all her past. She needed to feel loved.

Jay placed his hands underneath her knees lifted her and carried her to her bedroom. He touched, bit and kissed her everywhere, his tongue leaving wet trails on the ''conquered'' areas. He moved slowly but rough at the same time, their breathless moans of pleasure echoing in the room.

It wasn't sex. It wasn't carnal desire. It was love. So, they spent the whole night loving each other.


	29. Quarantine Day 13

**Once again I am sorry for the late update but I am entirely grateful for your support and patience. **

**These last chapters have been really emotional so I included a bit of smut in this one. No big deal, but if you want something more explicit don't be afraid to ask.**

**Hope you are all well and you'll enjoy this one!**

* * *

Jay woke up the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. With sleepy eyes, he unconsciously reached his hand to Hailey's side only to find the bed empty.

He stood up, supporting himself with his elbows and checked his phone. It was already 7am. Had Hailey gotten any sleep? Once they got home last night they barely talked. She just jumped onto him in a desperate attempt to make a connection with someone.

Even though Jay was not much of a talker himself, he knew that they had to discuss yesterday's events. He wanted to prevent Hailey from building another one of her walls in order to keep all the pain outside.

He didn't want to push her. It was evident that she needed her space, for now. A moment of quiet to pick up herself and re-evaluate her relationship with her parents.

Yes, Jay always had a rocky relationship with his father, but at least he had his mother to rely on. He rarely ever mentioned his mother because it hurt him. He missed her so badly. She was the one he confided his secrets to. She was the one he turned to for advice. She was the one he tried so hard to make proud.

On the other hand though, he could relate to Hailey. Once his mother was gone, he was left alone. His father was always emotionally distant and his brother absent and indifferent. For a long period he felt unloved and abandoned by his own family. By his only family.

He was thankful for the fact that Mouse entered his life in that crucial period. The thought of going through his mother's loss, the ongoing war with his father and PTSD without Mouse's support, scared him.

That was why he wanted to be Hailey's Mouse. He wanted to prove his loyalty to her. Offer his shoulder for support. He wanted her to establish that he was there to stay. He would never betray or leave her. He would love and protect her for the rest of his life.

_For the rest of his life. _For once, that declaration didn't scare him. For once he knew what he wanted.

At that point, he wasn't even afraid of Voight. He was ready to overcome whatever obstacles life might throw at them.

He rubbed his eyes and got out of the bed. He quickly put on his pants and quietly walked towards the bathroom.

He placed his hand on the handle but fought the urge to walk in. It was obvious that she wanted to be left alone, otherwise she would have waited for him to join her. Just like she had all those mornings before.

So, Jay decided to head downstairs and prepare breakfast. They hadn't eaten since the day before and his stomach was howling like a wolf.

The plan was to make her favorite blueberry pancakes but he soon dropped the idea. She would see right through his plan to make her feel better. Hailey needed normality right now. So, he went for the simple bacon with fried eggs.

A few minutes later Hailey walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen. Jay was waiting for a good morning kiss from her but she avoided any kind of contact. She didn't even come near him. She just stood at the other end of the counter, hair still wet from the shower, her eyes unable to focus on anything. They were puffy and red, clear evidence that she had been crying.

"I made breakfast," Jay was the one to speak and took a step forward to close the gap between them.

"I am not hungry," the petit detective shook her head and turned around to leave.

"Hey," Jay called her back and dared to follow her.

"I am fine," Hailey snapped, her voice as cold as ice and touched the railway to climb the stairs.

Jay sighed and gently grabbed her arm to stop her. He knew he was risking an elbow hit from her, but he was willing to take that chance.

Hailey thankfully stood still with her back against him. Jay could feel her whole body stiffen under his palm.

Slowly, he moved closer and wrapped his left arm around her neck while his right one gently stroke hers.

"No you are not," he whispered in her ear. "But I am here."

Hailey didn't move or breathe for a few seconds. Her buried emotions were working their way to the surface. That damn wall she tried to put up was useless.

Her body was losing the fight as she started trebling in a final attempt to keep her composure. It was vain though.

Soon, she broke down, tears falling down in Jay's hand. He carefully supported her as her legs failed her and fell on the floor to her knees.

Quickly, the hot unwelcome tears turned into uncontrollable sobs and screams, so hard that she couldn't breathe. Her nose ran as he whimpered, her body shaking like it might just come apart.

"Let it all out," Jay whispered, still holding her close to his body.

He had never seen her like that and quite honestly, that sight of her scared him. He gently placed a kiss on her head and lingered there for a moment before tightening his embrace.

To his surprise, she didn't fight him back. On the contrary she welcomed his strong hands around her fragile body and let herself break down right there in front of him.

"Why?" she muttered between cries.

"Why what?"

"Why don't they love me? What's wrong with me?" her voice was cracking. Her pain was crushing the air from her lungs.

"Hey, nothing is wrong with you," Jay released her from his grip and placed both hand on each side of her face, forcing her to look at him. "You are perfect, you hear me? THEY are wrong, not you."

God, it nearly killed him witnessing her in that state. She never let anything get under her skin, but obviously when it came to her parents, they had the power to break her.

"But mom," she kept on. "Why does she always choose him?"

"I don't know," Jay shrugged. "She thinks she loves him, in a weird kind of twisted way. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love YOU."

"If she loved me, she would have saved me from him. If she loved me, she would have left that house. If she loved me she would be here with me now," her sorrow was now turning into anger.

Jay looked into her blue eyes wishing he had the answer. Her feelings were justified. When Hailey offered her a way out, he honestly thought he mother was going to take it. Even he had trouble comprehending how anyone could stay in an abusive relationship when they have a ticket to freedom.

"Hey," Jay wiped the tears from her flushed cheeks. "You did everything within your power to help her but unfortunately, your mother made the wrong choice. I promise I will never do that. I will always choose YOU!"

Their foreheads touched as his green eyes were piercing her blue in his most honest confession. He meant every single word. He loved her, but there was no need to actually utter those words. His eyes spoke volumes.

And just like that, she read his eyes. "I know," she whispered against his lips.

Hailey stared at him, letting her fingertips skim his jaw.

He cupped her face in his hands, bringing his lips softly to hers. He could feel her breath catch, and then he kissed her again. He kept holding her face in his hands and kissing her deeply, slowly, encouraged by a breathy whimper.

When he finally drew back he stroke the strand hair from her eyes and they both smiled softly.

There she was, his Hailey was surfacing right back.

They finally ate their breakfast and decided to head to the beach. The walls were closing in on her and she wanted to breath. So, Jay decided took her to his favorite spot in Chicago, Rainbow beach.

Up until now, he considered the beach his own. He didn't even want to share it with Will. But he was more than willing to share it with Hailey. He could even imagine marrying her at that little Haven of his.

When the night fell, the decided to go home. After all the Quarantine was still on. They shouldn't be out for so many hours anyway.

Once they got home, they headed straight to the bedroom where Hailey crushed on the bed. She felt exhausted. Emotionally, not physically.

Jay removed his pants and climbed in beside her, not entirely sure whether he should wrap his hands around her, or wait for her to come to him.

"Jay?"

"Yeah?

"Are you alright? She asked, her voice soft and tentative. "After seeing me like that. Did that affect the way you see me?"

"Nothing could ever make me change the way I see you. The way I feel about you. "

"Why are you so far away?" Hailey whined. "I want you to hold me."

That was all the invitation he needed. He slid closer and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her in the near darkness. His lip found her hers, and her hands found their way into his hair that was in need of a haircut.

He felt her leg wrap around his hip, drawing her against him. Her heat immediately sank into him, making his body could feel her suck in a breath at the feel of him.

He kissed her softly and looked into her blue eyes. "We don't have to Hails."

She shook her head. Her eyes half closed with passion, her voice soft and raspy. "I need you."

"Anything you want," his covered her mouth with his lips.

She moaned as he tongue caressed hers, pulling him tightly against her. They didn't even realize how fast they removed their underwear. He grasped her thigh, easing in, feeling her gasp. They laid tangled together, facing each other. His hand stroking her hair from her face as he took her, pulling back just enough to look into her eyes.

She gazed back, lips parting with each soft, gasping, trembling breath. She held onto him, fingertips embedding in the flesh of his back. Each easy thrust produced a whimper or a moan that drove him crazy. Their eyes frequently opened to gaze lovingly and lustly at each other. Volumes were exchanged in those gazes as they made love for what it seemed like forever.

They fell asleep as he was holding her against his bare chest, feeling her heart and breathing begin to slow. As they drifted into sweet oblivion, they both dreamed of the same thing. Spending the rest of their lives wrapped safely in each other's arms.


	30. Quarantine Day 14

**I am really sorry for the late update but I was going through writer's block, combined with limited free time. But I am back and after watching the trailer for 8x03 I will be posting a new story this weekend. **

**Hope you are all healthy and safe, both physically and mentally.**

**As always, I can't wait to read your reviews.**

**Warning: This chapter is Rated M as it contains a bit smutt in the end.**

* * *

Jay sleepily opened his eyes, his hand wrapped around Hailey's back, her head resting on his bare chest. Hailey was not really a snuggler. She needed her space and often built up a fortress of pillows between them. At first he didn't mind. On the contrary he found that little habbit cute. But as time went by, he missed their connection. He longed for her touch in the middle of the night. She only seeked physical contact during sex.

But Hailey wasn't like that at all. How could he have loved two women, so different from each other. The blonde detective appeared to be stone cold on the outside, but she was soft as a bear. She would lay on his chest all night, just letting the sound of his heartbeat drift her to sleep. She would jump in the shower with him for a little treat. She would tease and tickle him while cooking. She would rest her head on his shoulder while watching tv. She no longer considered such actions weakness or vulnerability. It was simply freedom.

He brushed a strand of her blonde her away from her eyes and without realizing it, he smiled to himself. He had already gotten used to that feeling. That unique sensation of waking next to someone you love. Yes, he loved her even though he hadn't actually verbally expressed it. He feared he might scare her away. But the feeling was there, rooted deep inside he tortured heart.

He carefully removed his hand and sneaked out of bed. She looked so peaceful while sleeping, he didn't want to wake her up. Besides, those past days had been an emotional overload for the young detective.

Jay put on his boxers and quietly entered the bathroom. He walked to the sink and threw some cold water on his face. It was a leftover habit from back in Afghanistan where they hardly ever had the luxury of hot water.

He reached for his toothbrush and paused for a second before grabbing it. He looked around, saw his towels hanging on the wall, his hair comb on the sink, his laundry in the basket and chuckled. This was happening. They were practically living together for nearly two weeks. They were together 24/7 and still hadn't gotten tired of each other.

Hailey had seen him fight his demons. He had used her as an emotional punching bag and even cast her aside when she offered her help. Yet, she was still there. She hadn't given up on him.

When he walked back to the room Hailey was already awake and lazily stretching on the bed.

"I don't like waking up without you by my side," she complained while yawning.

"What can I say," he moved towards the bed, placed his palms on the mattress and kissed her forehead. "I am addictive."

"Don't flatter yourself," she grimaced and hit him with the pillow.

The Detective moaned in pain, pretending to be hurt but his smile betrayed his true feelings. He was addicted to her as much as she was addicted to him. For once, the feelings seemed to be mutual.

"What do you want to do today?" he asked while putting on his jeans.

"What?" she frowned her eyebrows. "No more staying in bed?"

"We've been through this," his smirked. As much as I'd love to, we can't stay in here forever. So, do you want to go for a ride? For a walk? To the beach? Anything you want."

Hailey lowered her gaze thinking about his proposal. Then he looked deep into his eyes and simply responded.

"Coffee! I just want to go for a simple coffee."

"But all the stores are closed," Jay pointed with his hand outside the window.

"We can grab some coffee and just wander around for a bit," Hailey wrapped the green floral sheet around her naked body and walked towards the window. "Ok, it's quite cloudy, it might rain and the temperature in still low, but I just want to feel the wind on my face. I just want to stretch my legs. I just want to go for a walk with you!"

Jay walked up to her and cupped her face, pulling her close for a long kiss. Even though he wasn't thinking, his muscles took charge and with one hand he pulled the sheet from Hailey's body, allowing it to drop on the floor.

"You said we need to get out of this room," she whispered between kisses.

"Uhuh," he just nodded as his hands traveled on her naked body and lifted her up, her legs wrapped around his waist.

"Well, if you continue with this, we won't make it to the bed."

Jay looked into her blue eyes and grinned before tossing her on the bed.

"See, we made it," he smiled and climbed on top of her, pinning her hands on the mattress.

"Jay, she whimpered as he left a trail of wet kissed from her neck down to her naked breasts and up again to her lips.

"I don't think it leaving the bed was such a good idea after all," he rested his forehead on her chin.

"Come on Detective," she laughed and patted him on his arm. "Pull yourself together and let's go get a proper coffee."

At first, they walked down the road side by side, resisting the urge to hold hands. But as the cold winds of Chicago blew through the empty streets, Hailey nested under his arm in need of wormth. Once again, that was something Erin would never dare to do. He wasn't pretending to be the perfect man, the knight in shinny armor who saved the lady in distress. No, he was just trying to be there for her. He wanted her to feel loved, protected and safe.

"It's weird witnessing the city so empty," Hailey broke their silent walk.

"It's frightening and serene at the same time," he nodded.

At that moment, he slightly regretted his decision to leave the house. The pandemic wasn't only threatening the US, it was a global enemy. An enemy that no one knew how to fight. Surely, they were wearing masks and apart from the woman at the coffee place, they didn't make contact with someone. But what if they touched something? The door handle at the coffee shop. The bench they sat on for a second to rest. The grocery from the super market. They could never be fully protected and that scared the hell out of him. He didn't fear for his life. He feared for Hailey, He feared for his friends at the district and he feared for his family, Will. The only family he had left.

Hailey picked up her gaze and stared into his worried eyes. One look was enough to read his mind.

"Have you talked to Will today?" she asked.

Jay was on the phone with his brother on a daily basis. Jay was the soldier, but this time Will was fighting in the front line. As much as he hated hospitals, he even volunteered to help Will during this crisis. As expected, his big brother denied the offer. Even though he didn't want to admit it, Jay's body was still too fragile to be around a deadly virus.

"No," he sighed. "I'll call him as soon as we get home."

"Jay, I know you are worried. I would be too if I were in your shoes. But you know the staff at Med. They are taking all necessary precautions. They are safe," she tried to reassure him but deep inside she was aware that her words were vain.

"I know," he nodded. "But they don't know what they are fighting. One mistake and the whole hospital might be doomed."

"Look," she stopped and stood in front of him, one hand holding his, the other resting on his chest. "When we go out in the field, we don't know what we are fighting either. One simple mistake and it's over. You know that all too well. All we can do is stay focused, do our jobs and hope for a better tomorrow."

She was right. He knew she was right but his restless heart was always beating for the ones he cared about. Will was all the family he had left. Just the thought of losing him too, left his mind swirling.

Hailey placed a reassuring soft kiss on his cold lips and they carried on with their walk.

"Can I ask you something?" she hesitantly asked.

"Sure," Jay smiled intrigued.

Hailey sighed and paused for a few seconds before uttering the question. "Do you ever think about her?"

"Think about who?" Jay tilted his head to meet her eyes but her gaze was on the ground.

"Erin," she finally said, her voice almost like a whisper.

Now, it was Jay's turn to divert his eyes.

"No," he let out a deep breath.

"You are a terrible liar," a small laughter escaped her lips.

"After she left, I went through all five staged of grief. At first, I refused to accept the fact that she was gone. Every day I expected to her to come back. Then it was anger. Erin was gone, I had just shot that little girl and I felt like the universe was mocking me. So, I started bargaining. I thought I could clear up all bad karma by doing my job. By saving people. But when Luis got killed the Universe had once again spoken. I could never do right. I could never be happy. So, I dove into my rabbit hole. I was done feeling. I was done caring. For once, I wanted to feel numb. I wanted all those emotions that were consuming me and eating up my soul gone. But the Universe wasn't done with me. It sent me you. You reached out your hand and you dragged me out of that hole. You were always my light at the end of the tunnel."

Hailey was listening to that heartfelt confession with hot tears streaming down her cold cheeks. It was one of the few times in her life where she couldn't find the appropriate words to speak.

Once again, she stopped him and stood on her tiptoes in front of him. She reached for his face with both hands and pulled him down to her level for passionate kiss. Jay placed his hands under her bottom, slightly lifted her up and carried her against the nearest wall. Thank God the streets were empty, but even if anyone was watching, they didn't care.

Once they were out of breath, they paused for a second and looked at each other's eyes. One hand was resting on Jay's shoulder, the other playing with his hair. Jay was still supporting her with his one hand while brushing his thumb against her lip with the other.

They remained there as if time had stood still. Their lips only a breath away until they both whispered in unity.

_"I love you!"_

So there it was, out in the open by the both of them. The great 'L' word. I wasn't said under pressure or out of fear. They said it because they actually believed in power of that small word.

All of a sudden, the temperature climbed dangerously high. So, they run back at Hailey's home to finish what they had started hat morning.

They walked into the house never breaking their kisses while clothes were flying around at the same time.

The moment they stepped into the bedroom Hailey took him completely by surprise and oushed him forcefully on the bed, his back against the mattress.

That wasn't what he expected. Passion and fire were replacing all the tears and vulnerability of the previous days.

"I need you," she said moving between his legs. "I want you,"

Without any hint of hesitation, he unbuckled his jeans and tossed them on the floor along with the rest of their remaining clothes. She grasped him, stroking slowly, gently, until he was almost painfully aroused.

She worked him slowly, languorously torturing him with unbelievable sensations, making him grasp the sheets, clenching his jaw. Jay was trying to control his breathing in a desperate fight for control. When he was dangerously close to the edge, he grabbed her upper hand to hold her still. "If you want me, you have to stop."

She looked at him and kissed her way towards his lips, kissing him senseless. He could feel her move over him and watched her as she grasped him and sank down onto him with eyes closed. She set the pace, controlling every movement with maddening skill. It didn't last long fir either of them but the game wasn't over yet.

Once they were done, Jay grabbed he thighs and switched positions. Now he was the one in control and Hailey was laying under him, completely surrendered to his mercy.

Oh the things he wanted to do to her. He fought the urge to tie her hand on the bed because he longed for her soft touch on his hard muscles. He kissed her everywhere. From her lips down to her breasts and even lower to where she needed him the most. He was gentle but for the first time, a bit rough too.

He eased his way into her but instead of setting a slow pace as usual, he rocked his hips harder making each thrust deeper and sharper.

Hailey's eyes were half closed, soft whimpers escaping her lips with each trust.

"Don't hold back," he lowered his head and whispered against her ear. "I want to hear you."

Those words sent Hailey over the edge as louder moans of pleasure filled the silence of the room. Hearing he breathy whimpers, tasting the salty sweat of her naked body, feeling her warm skin against his muscles, made Jay even harder, if that was even possible.

Again, it didn't last long, but the waves of absolute pleasure that flooded their bodies seemed to last all night.

That night they truly became one!


End file.
